How could this have happened to me?

[Namikikyo]

This weekend, I went out to spend a few nights with my step sister while she was staying with her mother those days.

We stayed, played and had a decent enough good time.

Well, the day I came back to my happy home, I couldn't help but feel a prickly anxsious feeling invade the once loving energy that I knew was there before. However, I had yet to into my room at that moment and stayed down stairs to play with my other brothers and sisters.

Yet I could shake that sickening feeling that felt like like something was stabbing my chest, So to investigate I went up stairs to my room to see what the spirits had to say about this energy and if they were the cause..

Only to break down into tears because of what I saw shattered and scattered across my room. My alter had been destroyed and thrown all over the floor. My center peice that had once sat proudly upon the alter now layed in a what seemed like a thousand pieces on the other side of the room, while my crystals and herbs had been rolled off the alter table to cover my floor in random patterns. There is so much more damage.. But I don't truelly feel like talking about it at the moment..

I tried to touch the shards of my broken things, But it was like it hurt too much to pick them up. The energy was so much more sickening in my room and began to feel like needles in my chest. The only thing I had the will to do, was count my tarot cards to see with they were all still there. {They were bent and had apparently been used to play 52 pick up}

I left the room, leaving all the mess behind me. I couldn't look at it anymore.

My first thought was that the baby must have ran up stairs and played with it, so I forced a quick wash of loving thoughts fill my head and saw it pointless to punish a child that wasn't even 2 yet... That is.. until my Mother saw me staring at her. I was talking to my self, trying to calm myself down about the whole thing, say "It's okay Shelby, You can always rebuild it". "She doesn't know any better, Shelby, You love her". "Forgive her, it's all you can do" I figured it was the best thing to do at a situation like this.

So then my Mother suddenly with her blank face stated, "She didn't touch your alter, Shelby. Ronnie was the one that messed it up.." Then she went back to cooking. " I told him not to touch it, Shelby... He just didn't listen.."

Ronnie is my Step father and he knows what I do and doesn't agree with it, But supports my readings and other things like that... Or at least, I thought. He usually sees me reading another's hand and will say that's Devils workings, But will then turn around and ask for one his self. I remeber one time, he told me not to read tarot cards in the living room because it was evil, But the very next day he ask for a quick reading..

I don't think I heard anything after she said that, because I know I screamed in my head for the longest time. I felt myself hollow out and the mixture of absolute anger and agony ripped through my subconsciousness. It was taking everything I had to hold back what I had brewing inside myself at that moment. I wanted him to know how real magick was, I wanted him to feel how cruel I could be...

Not only had he violated my privacy and ruined my loving energy in my room, he had destroyed the one thing I had worked so hard to make perfect. It was my heart spilled out on to a white cloth and spelled in glass, stones, wood, herbs, and energy. I had prayed for everyone in my house hold to be safe at that place and asked the Gods to grant them their wishes there. I had worked so hard to give them everything they wanted with what little I had! I had preformed the my most powerful and long lasting spells at that place! I can't...I can't even begin to say how important that alter was to me...! It was everything to me!

Even now, I bite my tongue and calm down my anger from doing my worst simply because I love him and I know I would regret even smallest pain I did to him...

I've picked up the peices.. I put most of it back together... But it feels so empty to me, like he's broken something that I just can't fix with glue or simple placing... My room still has that aweful prickly feel to it and I don't like staying there for long unless I feel like trying to patch up the emptiness that doesn't seem to go away.. I want to cry.. I want to scream..

I may just be blowing this all out of proportions.. So I'm sorry if I've made anyone upset..

I guess my question is;

What can I do to fix the energy?

Did I do the right thing by not doing anything about it? Or should I have devised a plan to get him back?
{btw, I confronted him about and he lied, then told the truth, then laughed at me for crying about}

Should I just start a new alter? Or try to fix the broken one?

What can I do to fix myself?
{I'm so afraid my subconscious will do something about it... weither it be good or bad..}

Any advice?


Thank you for tolerating the post, I just needed to get it off my chest while I still could.

I apprecaite all posts,

I love you guys.

 

[Shearaha]

Ok, so if I'm getting this right. Your alter was ransacked and the energy in your room has picked up some major negativity from this happening. Every time you go into your room you see and think about your alter being destroyed and this only feeds into the negativity that is already there.

So let me ask, after this happened, did you do anything to try and cleanse the space? Also sometimes starting over can be better then rebuilding. So rather then trying to put your alter back together from the broken pieces you should start fresh with alll new alter items.

I am very sorry for what happened and I hope that some of this helps.  

[Nomek]

Start over, re assemble your altar, get a lock for your door, don't let anyone have a copy of the key, (be prepared for possible contraband searches [locked doors make parents think drugs are in the house for some reason] )
and if it happens again, I'd ransack your stepdad's s**t, laundry all over the place, clean the toilet with his toothbrush, naire shampoo... may be too far, but it is tempting... lol. tough it out, you only have to live with them for soo long, things get better, always can. mrgreen  

[whiporwill-o]

first off i want to say that i'm so sorry that this happened to you.

as tough and painstaking as it sounds, you really should find all new stuff for you alter. the way you described the ransacking it sounds angry and you would not want to use anything that may have absorbed the negative energy. also you need to cleanse the space, corners, closet, under the bed, everywhere! you should start by physically cleaning it, dusting, vacuuming, the works; then do a spiritual cleansing, maybe try sea salt and spring water with a purifying incense (i don't recommend sage smudging simply b/c it can smell alot like cannibus and you don't need to deal with that right now).

i don't think you should 'get even', karma will work itself out, plus you could get into alot of trouble on multiple levels. i do, however, think you should get a lock for your room, like Nomek suggested, but ok it with your mom first, least she freak out about you buying and installing a new doorknob (that way you could have a key. dead bolts and chain locks can only be locked from the inside, which won't do you any good when you aren't home).

good luck.  

[Violet Song jat Shariff]

That's awful.
I commend you for maintaining some degree of level-headedness. If it were me, I'd go on an a**-kicking spree. And I'd not be speaking to my mother for allowing him to go up there and do that. But, that's just me and I don't recommend anyone do what I would do wink

I'm not sure how well locking your door will go over; you might really screw yourself over and your folks might remove your door completely.

I know it'll be hard, but you will rebuild. Things may feel differently and that's expected. Perhaps next time instead of making an altar that stands out, make the elements of it blend in with your room so that it's harder to tell what is normal things and what is for your altar?

Maybe sit down with both your mother and step-father and get this talked out to ensure that this either doesn't happen again, or to get definite "this is allowed, this is not allowed" boundaries set down.  

[Vanya Karamazov]

All the world's a stage
And the men and women merely players

My goodness... that's.... that's just terrible. There are no words for the intolerance...hatred...envy... who knows. There just are no words.

I would agree that getting rid of most of the alter items is really the best way to go. You could either break them down, like using the old centerpiece fragments for another spell, or just get rid of them entirely. The negative energies, both astral and emotional, are not going to be wiped clean. Even if you could get everything back to pristine condition, the memory of betrayel will still remain.

Small things like crystals can be cleansed easily and kept, but I'd definitely replace my Tarot deck if I were you, since it sounds like it's an integral part of your path. You might want to try setting up sage incense at several points in the room and praying to a Hearth deity, if you have one in your patronage, to rebless the space and make it new. Perhaps consider moving the alter somewhere else, or maybe constructing a smaller, "travel" or pullout alter that can be hidden? It's a shame you wouldn't able to see it, but it would be much more difficult for someone to destroy. Then take joy in building a new alter just as beautiful as the last, with a new centerpiece, new tools, fresh herbs, and a new perspective on your relationship to the Craft and those around you.

You have my deepest sympathies for this terrible incident; I can barely imagine what you are going through right now.

 

[Sanguina Cruenta]

I have no idea what to say... that's such a massive violation. How disgusting. If I were in your position I'd be inconsolable and furious.

Maybe you should leave it a while before you rebuild your altar. Give yourself time to grieve first, not just for the violation of your altar but the violation of your sanctum sanctorum, a spiritual home. If you do it right away, you may connect it with all the emotions you're experiencing at the moment.

It's such a horrible thing to do. An altar is a holy thing, a monument to gods and spirits, a place where we can lay out the components of our spiritual lives. As such, an attack on one's altar feels like an attack on your spiritual self, on your faith and so on. But it's a symbol and a representation of those things, not the things themselves. Those cannot be strewn about the room, they cannot be destroyed by another in such a way.

Take some time to remember that altars are wonderful, but are not all there is to religion. Put your things away somewhere safe and let them recover. In the meantime, cultivate an "inner altar" for a while - spend more time in simple meditation, in thought, journalling etc. Then when you feel recovered rebuild your altar. Maybe make this one smaller and simpler, easier to rebuild if it happens again.

Remember, it is said: revenge is a dish best served cold. If you plan to do something, wait a while until you've cooled off a bit. That way you don't end up doing something you regret. I'm all in favour of revenge, but regretting it would suck.  

[RubyLight]

That is so horrible! I'm so sorry that happened to you. cry
I can't believe your mother let him do that. Did she at least give him a decent punishment?
First and for most, calm down, then spiritually cleanse the room. Wait a while before rebuilding your alter. In time your room's energy will be as peaceful as it used to be.

As a side note: please don't humor your stepbrother with any more readings. He clearly doesn't respect you or your practices.  

[AgentAbhorrence]

That's terrible!! It's good that you kept your head straight during that time. Like the others said, you wouldn't want to have done something you'd regret. Cool down for now, and once you're ready, you can confront your step dad and set down some rules, this may sound weird because it's usually the parent setting down the rules, but he's got to respect your privacy especially when it comes to your religious things. Don't let him tell you otherwise or he'll keep taking advantage of you.
I'm also in favor of revenge, and that you should wait until you've had time to cool off so that you can think straight and practice caution with what you're doing. Also, get that lock, it might be useful.
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. I hope everything turns out alright for you.  

[Kimiko no Tenshi]

Oh my....I couldn't even imagine...
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
The only thing to do is rebuild at this point. Much as you may feel the need otherwise, Karma will handle the offender. Just focus on getting the energy back where it needs to be, and getting your alter back up. Perhaps a lock of some type on your door as well. Even if it's just one of those chain ones that you can get.  

[Zagmek]

I would be so angry...

When you do decide to rebuild your alter, if you can't put a lock on your door, maybe get a box or chest that you can lock to store your alter pieces when you're not around? then keep that out of site? And i would definitely get new cards.

Just my thoughts. I hope everything works out well for you in the future.  

[Freyis]

If I were in your place I would definitely rebuild my altar but maybe keep a few of the pieces from the old one if I could keep myself from associating them with negative energy from the event.

As for working on myself I'd probably try a lot of meditation to help myself relax and let go of my anger from such a huge violation of my privacy.

Revenge? I think you need to let go of your anger first and then decide if you really want revenge you don't want to do something and regret it later you'd only hurting yourself if you try to get back at him right now.

I hope this helps. ~Frey

 

[Namikikyo]

Well..

I put my alter peices on the alter table and just allowed them to rest.

I've only touched my pink seashell {It was a part of the center piece} for a quick prayer every night.

My sensitivity to energy has almost completely numbed.. I think I need to just heal my self for a few days. At least until I can feel again.

I talked to my Mother about the lock and it was a complete waste of time..

I talked about how not to touch my things and I got the whole, "You own nothing, we bought all your stuff" talk..

I'm shutting my door all the time, I still cry because I can't keep my cards and I collected rain water last night to maybe help me cleanse my stones and room..

Thank you all for helping me, I read every single one of them and loved them all. I appreciate everything, Thank you.

 

[KillerQueen Bash]

That must have been horrible...the intolerance...
I would give him the cold shoulder and completely ignore him. Let him know that you won't take crap from him any more.
I'm still unable to have an altar. If I wish to assemble one while my parents are away, I have to use a turned-over trashcan and various bits of important 'junk.' Perhaps a hide-away altar in your closet or that you could hide under your bed would be sufficient?

Credit

 

[doistu]

This is a disgusting display. Especially from someone who is meant to be setting you an example.
I am sorry for the loss of your sacred space and I hope, in time, it can be rebuilt.

As San-chan said, perhaps you should wait before attempting a reassembly. This healing time may also give way to revalations. You could try and hide your altar. I know a girl who keeps her altar in a locked box beneath her bed and when she gets everything out the box becomes her altar. Perhaps that could be a possibilty.

Whatever happens you need to re-establish yourself and you feelings towards energy as well. I can understand your feelings in this respect. I come from a home full of stubborn, loud and opinionated people (they aren't bad but it's a struggle to just live life without arguements). So I'm often surrounded by a lot of negativity which has a big effect on me.
My room is my sanctuary and has been violated on a number of occasions by my mother. A great sense of betrayal fills you. And it does hurt.

Maybe it would benefit you to get out of the house and go into the garden. I find it to be a great place for re-attaching yourself to what you want and how you want to achieve it. If you don't have a garden then a local park or field may be good for you.
Either way you need to make sure that you are ok before anything else.

You could give your altar a complete make-over, re-building it to be the same may cause bad feelings to re-occur and you don't want that energy around a space designed to chill you out and help you.