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 Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:46 pm
Nantale has it easy. Kitambi has thought those words to herself on more than one occasion. It's such an unkind thing, really, that she should compare her daughter's life to her own. Her daughter doesn't need to have the same past as her to grow up to be a good queen. Not everyone in the line of the Malenga needed to have a mother whose skills are so poor that they grow up on their own. She told herself she would change that when her own cubs were born. She would love them all equally and be there more than her mother had been there for her. But Kitambi was used to her ideas being good in theory, but not so much in practice.
From the day she had taken her first steps out of the den, Kitambi had known that Nantale was not like her. She wasn't really like Mtembei either, though she was sure that there were elements of him in her. None of his cowardice – she was quite pleased about that – but more affection than she thought either of them to be capable of. She was pretty and dainty and just so... different. It's hard to express how different she is in words that Kitambi is used to using. Perhaps she is like Waseme, or how Waseme would have been if they had not been so conflicted as children. Regardless, there is something missing between them, something that makes it hard for them to connect, and she feels it. Nantale is too young to realize it, too innocent to understand her mother's thought process.
But their differences do not stop Kitambi from trying. That is why she's out on the beach that morning, watching her daughter bound in an out of the waves, chasing them. How peculiar she is.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:54 pm
Nantale's eyes are bright as she bounds back and forth, never letting the waves touch her little white toes. She can feel her mother's eyes on her, watching her with the same stoic look she gives everyone. For a pride full of such life and creativity it's puzzling that her mother could be so somber. She never joins in with her games, not with the same enthusiasm and heart that Nantale has seen other lionesses join their cubs. Kitambi never plays, she always watches. It's somewhat frustrating to her, not to be able to get a reaction out of her mother. And she's tried, oh boy has she tried! Nantale had done some things that would have made any other lioness swat at her and tell her to bugger off. But Kitambi doesn't get angry. She just gets stern, and that's not nearly a good enough reaction.
Her brothers seem to be alright with their lives. She knows they spend time with their father, and perhaps that is enough for them. Kitambi seems to think so, though she does her part in raising them. There's something inherently frustrating about her lack of emotion that gets to Nantale, especially when they're out together like this. It's almost like Kitambi wants to join in, but just doesn't. It's very strange, Nantale has decided. Very strange indeed.
"Look!" She finally lets the surf touch her little toes when she spots a pretty shell. "Mama come look!"
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:02 pm
She's pulled from her inner musings by her daughter's voice, and Kitambi realizes that Nantale has stopped her game. She's no longer bounding in and out of the waves, and the lioness cannot help but feel a moment of relief. If Nsundu had told her that having cubs made you worry so much – though her mother would have never, ever said such a thing – she would have never believed it. Now that she had them, however, it was a completely different story. Kitambi had discovered that she was quite possessive of those she held dear to her, and she initially had been very worried about her cubs leaving the den. Chasing down Nantale a few times had forced her to quell that fear, but she couldn't help but fret a little when her daughter was so close to open water. She might slip and drown.
'You could get to her fast enough,' a voice in her head reminded her sternly. 'But it wouldn't hurt to get a little closer.' She conceded, and made her way towards the waiting form of her daughter. Turning her head a little to peer into the water, she spotted what Nantale was pointing to.
"It's very pretty. You have an eye for nice things."
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:05 pm
Other cubs may have basked in such praise from their mother, but Kitambi has always been good with words. That's not to say that Nantale doesn't believe her. She has never had any reason to doubt the truth of her mother's words. But she doesn't need words anymore, not from her mother. She wants something more, but what kind of something she doesn't know. It's like she doesn't know how to put what she wants into the words, and Kitambi with all the words doesn't know how to put all her words into feelings. Just thinking about it makes Nantale frown.
But she cannot allow herself to dwell on such things. Binafsi always says that dwelling on things makes one miss out on the present, and Nantale would be a very stupid lioness indeed if she missed out on this pretty shell. Studying it through the water, she nudges it gently with her paw.
"What does it remind you of?" she asks suddenly.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:08 pm
"Remind me of?" The question clearly surprised Kitambi, as the confusion is clearly visible in her eyes. How was she supposed to answer this question? The rock reminded her of the lake, which reminded her of her hope. Would that be a sufficient enough answer for the child? She wasn't sure. For a moment the lioness remained quiet and completely still, weighing her answers in her mind. Eventually, she seemed to settle on one answer that she deemed appropriate for her daughter.
"It looks like one of the ones Kani'noe has around his neck. I think Jun made him a necklace as a gift for inspiring her. I can't say I know the whole story." But she knew enough. She liked to keep tabs on those who were important to the pride life, not to mention their alliance with the neighbouring pride. While she could not disclose Jun's true identity she would still look out for her. Her mother had been quite clear about that.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:14 pm
It looked like Kani'noe's jewellery? Nantale's brows knit in a very Kitambi-like frown. The resemblance to her mother's expression was almost uncanny. "That's not what I meant, Mama," the cub replies in an almost chiding tone. "I meant like waterfalls or dense forests or open savannahs... that sort of thing!" Didn't her mother have any kind of imagination? There were so many wonderful places out there in the world, and so many wonderful things. You could ask anyone in the pride what they had seen on their drum quest and get totally different interpretations of the same thing. That was the beauty of the Nchi'mahadhi. Did she not see that?
She must. She was the queen after all! Her mother would have not chosen her as the rightful heir if she had not been the one. Binafsi had told her that much. So why didn't she understand the beauty of the world? Had something made her so sad that she couldn't see it anymore? Nantale was truly puzzled.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:27 pm
The lioness couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the expression on her cub's face. Just judging by the way the wrinkles appeared on her little face she could tell that it was near identical to the face she had made often as a child. Waseme would have probably stared if she could see Nantale now. Still, the fact that her daughter could do it so well was either a sign of good genes or one that she was making that face far too often. She would have to endeavor to smile a little more often. That would be a much more fitting expression for her daughter.
"Well, why don't you tell me what you see in it? That way I can try and tell you what I see in a way that you'll understand it." The words sounded somewhat unkind, Kitambi realized, as though she was trying to dumb herself down to Nantale's level. But it was too late to take them back now, and she would have to see how her daughter took it. Perhaps she would not see the words as harshly as they may have appeared.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:32 pm
When the ball was returned to her court, Nantale had to resist the urge to make a face. It was always like her mother was avoided the question, or even worse, trying to figure out what the cub wanted so she could conform to that. It's a little degrading, but not so much so that she feels the need to lash out. But it does make her a little sulky about the whole thing. She was trying to see how her mother sees, not how her mother can change her own views to suit her daughters. That's not how it should be.
"I don't want to hear when you think I want you to say," she says finally, still frowning. "I want you to tell me what you really think. It doesn't have to be the same as mine, because if we were all the same it wouldn't be good anymore. We wouldn't be this pride if we were all the same. We'd go and be like the Pridelands, where everybody just does their own thing and nobody really gets to be themselves." There's a look of resoluteness on her face that is also seemed to run in the family.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:36 pm
Kitambi is silent for a moment as she considered what her daughter says. Words have always been important to her, and so the meaning of each word is not lost on her, nor is the way Nantale has phrased things. She is simple, the lioness realizes, though she reconsiders her word choice no sooner than she's decided upon it. Nantale is not stupid, but she does not live in a world of words like Kitambi does. She lives in a world of feelings. Once again she is reminded of her estranged sister. Would Waseme have been like this?
There is a good chance she might have been, had she been given the opportunity. For Kitambi, it is almost as though she has been given a second chance to rebuild a relationship that she could not form with her sister. Still, there was a reason that they did not get along. Kitambi does not like to think that their differences will prevent them from ever becoming close like a real mother and daughter.
"I'd still like to hear what it reminds you of, though," she says softly, trying to sound encouraging. If Nantale can learn to use her words then perhaps that will be the first step.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:38 pm
Her tone is not lost on Nantale, and the cub is thankful for the encouragement. Kitambi is trying, she can see that very clearly. A part of her wants to refuse, insisting that the lioness is all talk. But she refuses to allow Kitambi's life of words to interfere with this. If she wants to help her mother see things the way she sees them then she cannot turn her away. The lioness is willing to listen now, and thus Nantale must be willing to speak. It is the only way things will work. "It reminds me of the stars at night. The way they twinkle in the sky, visible only then when the lighting is right. And here, here is a small cloud drifting by. It will obscure the stars a little, but they'll always shine through."
Kitambi sees without really seeing, Nantale realizes. She can look at a rock and only see a rock, not how the rock fits the image of the landscape and adds its own presence to everything. Whatever she feels about the world is tucked away with the rest of her feelings. Yes, that's it. Gathering her confidence, she asks, "Do you look at anything and see it not... not... as just an object."
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:43 pm
"Functionally?" Kitambi supplied, and Nantale nods. Again, she considers what her daughter has asked her. Before she can think too deep, the cub interrupts her. "Don't think too hard," she says. "Just say what you think of first." It is not something Kitambi has finds easy, as training from her own childhood taught her how to hold her tongue and hold it well. It's so much a part of who she is now that to speak without thinking is almost the equivalent of walking around naked without her jewellery. For her daughter's sake, however, she has to try. But it's not easy.
She has just about given up hope when something in Nantale's face changes. The cub looks almost... sad that she couldn't do it. The change brings about a new-found determination in the lioness and she takes a deep breath. "I can't say I don't look at everything practically, because I do. The running of this pride does require one to think about things differently than if I were to simply enjoy life around me. But there are times when I choose to listen to the world around me rather than look at it, yes."
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:45 pm
Nantale can see that her mother is going to consider her question too deeply, and thus she does something she has never done before. She interrupts Kitambi's thinking. "Don't think too hard," she insists, hoping that her mother will heed her words. "Just say what you think of first." It will probably be a challenge, Nantale realizes, but if her mother can do this then she'll be on the right path. If she can just let the words flow through her like the rhythm when she dances then Nantale will consider today a momentous day. If only she can do it.
For several moments it looks like she won't. Nantale can already see her brows crinkling, signaling that she's moved back into thinking stage. She must look crestfallen or disappointed because Kitambi's expression changes and she finally speaks. Nantale's eyes light up and she listens intently. It's insight into her mother's world and she will not interrupt her now that she's started.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:46 pm
Kitambi is proud of herself, she realizes, once she finishes speaking. It's a feeling she hasn't felt in a long time, and she can't help but sit up a little taller. She did it. Perhaps having cubs was not such a bad thing after all. They most certainly seem able to teach her things that she normally wouldn't even bother learning. Nantale's point of view might be more beneficial to her than she would have originally thought. How curious. She would have to look into this more in the near future.
It's time for her to return to the drum circle, however. She had duties to attend to as pride queen, and while she does have time to spend with her daughter, this session is coming to an end. Perhaps Nantale will come with her. It's worth asking. "I'm going back now. Are you coming?" It's a question Nsundu had always asked before she left, and Kitambi does not want to deny her daughter the freedom she had as a child. Nonetheless, she can always hope.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:48 pm
"Mhmm!" Nantale makes to move after her mother before a sudden thought seems to occur to her. "Just a second, I need to get something." She turns back and heads to where they were standing, eyes scanning the bottom of the lake. Whatever she's looking for seems to evade her for several minutes, however her small noise of triumph announces that she has found it. Taking a deep breath, she sticks her head down into the lake and grabs at something. It takes her several tries but with the use of her paws she retrieves what she wants.
"Got it!" She announces as she makes her way back to her mother, paws and face now dripping. As she passes Kitambi on their way back to the dens, the light reflects off the object in her mouth, and its identity becomes clear. It's the little blue and gold shell that they were looking at earlier.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:49 pm
Kitambi watches her daughter with a somewhat bemused expression her face as she rushes back to the water. Perhaps she dropped a piece of jewellery back there. As she bobs about in the waves, the lioness uses the opportunity to count it, and frowns when she realizes that all of her pieces are still there. Whatever is she fishing around in the lake for? She wants to ask her daughter, however Nantale is always parading past her, now soaking wet. Mtembei is not going to be pleased about that one. She'll probably go and rub her wet body all over his face when she greets him. The thought makes her chuckle inwardly.
As Nantale turns her head to the side, the light catches on the object in her mouth and Kitambi realizes what it was. She took the shell they had been looking at. Had she liked it that much? Or maybe... maybe it was supposed to be a memento of sorts. A reminder of their day at the beach. A small smile formed on Kitambi's lips.
Perhaps it is impossible to see things like she did, but that didn't seem like such a bad thing after all.
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