Legacy of Kain: Twilight (a mary sue rpg!)

[Berylis]

(Love for whoever comes up with a better name for this RPG)

Note: I've chosen a Play format for the introduction to this RPG. I'm experimenting with writing crack posts in this format, hence the writing after the introduction. You do not need to follow suit, if you don't want to.

I made a few changes to the RP, in the hopes of making it even funnier. I have Edward realizing how pathetic he is. He's going to try to be a real vampire (see introduction) and it is up to you to try to encourage / stop him!

Edward's dilemma is NOT going to be the main focus of the RPG. So please make lots of other plots. I just thought it might be funny to have him actually realize with a little wimp he is, hehehehe.

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INTRODUCTION: EDWARD, POSING AS RAZIEL

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EDWARD CULLEN: Vampires are deified. The goths try to dress like them. Few know the truth. We live among you, and attend highschool in Forks, Washington.

I am Edward, youngest of the Cullen brood. I have been a moody teenager for a centennium.* Over time, I became less mature, and more... angsty. Carlistle would enter the state of change and emerge with a new mortal pretension. Some years after our master, our de-fanging would follow. Until I had the honor of surpassing my lord.

I fell in love with an anorexic human girl. For my transgression, I was exalted by legions of pre-teen fans.

There was only one possible outcome of this unwanted obsession -- my eternal damnation.

I, Edward, was to suffer the fate of the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana--- to burn forever as a pre-teen icon in the hearts of the immature everywhere.

Tumbling, burning with white-hot fire, I plunged into the depths of the mortal-loving abyss. Unspeakable pain... relentless agony... ... time ceased to exist... ... only this torture... and a deepening hatred of the vampire hypocrisy that damned me to this hell.

An eternity passed, and my torment receded, bringing me back from the precipice of madness. The Twilight Saga and its fanfiction had destroyed me... and yet I lived.

ELDER GOD: Edward Cullen... You are worthy.

EDWARD CULLEN: What madness is this? What pitiful form is this that I have come to inhabit? Death would be a release, next to this glam-goth travesty.

ELDER GOD : You did not survive the fanfiction, Edward. I have only spared you from total humiliation.

EDWARD CULLEN: I would choose oblivion over this existence!

ELDER GOD: The choice is not yours.

EDWARD CULLEN: I am destroyed!

ELDER GOD: You are reborn.

The birth of one of Twilight's abominations traps the essence of vampiric unlife. It is this "pretty vampirism" that animates the corpse you ‘lived’ in. And that Raziel, is the demise of vampire fiction. There is no moral realism. The souls of the dead remain portrayed as squeaky clean sex idols. I can not spin them in the wheel of fate. They cannot complete their dark destinies.

Redeem yourself. Or if you prefer, avenge yourself. Settle your dispute with glam vampire fiction. Destroy the glam vampires and your brethren. Free their souls and let the wheel of fate churn again. Use your hatred to reave their souls... I can make it possible. Become my soul reaver, my angel of death...

EDWARD CULLEN thinks for a minute, letting this information sink in.

ELDER GOD: I will transport you once again to the village of Forks. Bolstered by my power, you will resist the wiles of young Bella and her mortal ilk. I will send my agents to watch over you, so you do not waver on your path. Do not fail me, Edward.

EDWARD CULLEN is shown an image of Raziel, the last person to disobey the EG's orders. Edward shudders.

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FORKS HIGH SCHOOL

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EDWARD CULLEN stands in front of Forks High School, his eyes glowing a strange red color. It is the first day of class, and he feels an overwhelming sense of deja-vu mingled with a new sensation he hadn't felt in years -- bloodlust. Uncomfortable with the reminder of his nature, he reaches into his backpack and takes out a black nalgene bottle filled with animal blood. He drinks out of a black straw, sucking the vitae greedily, as he waits for the other students to arrive.

EDWARD CULLEN: (muttering) The Elder God's going to tell me I should go stand in the corner and look menacing like a proper vampire. But I... I want to brood. It's so lonely being without my lost love... What was her name again?

EDWARD CULLEN continues to drink out of the nalgene bottle, and settles on frowning evilly.

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*yes. I know this is not a word, but I'm playing the crack RP card! Feel free to do the same!

Please let me know if this is lame instead of funny. I have an alternate beginning written, but this one came to me on a whim and I decided to try it out!  

[Reaver Of Souls Raziel]

((jhasdjhgjshdasf Oh God, I lol'd so hard...))

RAZIEL: Forks, ah yes, such an apt name for this place, because when Raziel saw it, he felt like sticking forks in his eyes. He couldn't believe Kain was making him attend school here, not only that, a public school! Oh the indignity of it all, then young vampire could go on 4 minute long internal monologue about it but he would be late for school if he did. The only thing Raziel did like about Forks was the weather, for Raziel was still only 18 and had not built up an immunity to the sun's harmful rays and if it wasn't for this perpetual overcast, he'd get one hell of a sunburn. It was a small price to pay for being an all-powerful smexy vampire - it was a lot better than sparkling or something, that would just be plain silly. He shook his head with a wry smirk, giving a noiseless chuckle; how silly indeed. Sparkling? Any self-respecting vampire would turn in their own fangs before sparking like some pre-teen t**t with too much makeup and glitter on... and speaking with twats with too much makeup on, Raziel spotted Edward. He could tell that the other was a vampire by his scent, but something was off about him... what was with the juice box? Although the black straw was a nice touch, very broody looking, but Raziel could tell by the smell it wasn't humans' blood. What was wrong with him? He should've been feeding off a human, not the neighbour's cat! There was a no talent author standing right behind him, why didn't he just drag her behind the dumpsters and do everyone a favour by ridding the world of her presence... oh wait, that wasn't Stephanie Myer, just a girl that looked exactly like her, what were the odds of that! Anyway, looking again, he noticed that she was watching Edward very closely, to the point she wasn't even blinking-- it was kind of creepy, actually... oh God, Raziel hoped she wasn't a fangirl, he wouldn't wish one of those on anyone, even this poor excuse for a vampire. So casually walking up to Edward, Raziel leaned in to whisper to the other; the poor bloke must have had such a hard time hearing with those tiny, human-looking ears. "Don't look now, but I think you have a potential stalker." for some reason Raziel felt a deep sense of irony after speaking those words.

BELLA SWAN watched the the black-haired boy approach. She was new to the school and she thought perhaps maybe she should be finding her first class but she got caught up staring at Edward... and now this boy. She could tell Edward was different and Raziel was--... she pulled her thesaurus out of he backpack and proceeded to look for a synonym for different. Although, that was taking time away from staring at her precious Eddy-kins so she settled on differenter. Yes, Raziel was definitely differenter. She just had to know who they both were and if they wanted to have her babies like the rest of the guys at school since big-breasted blonde cheerleaders just didn't seem to be cutting it for them anymore.  

[Lieutenant Turel]

Turel
Turel was equally livid. A gathering of monotonous humans that he was not allowed to disembowel or have aggressive sex with. And not only was he at their gathering but the gathering wasn't even for adults. They were for... teenagers. The only benefit to this was that all five of his brothers, along with himself, had to do this. Why? Oh he imagined it was some sort of punishment for trying to pawn the Reaver off of eBay so they could get a new flat screen HD TV for the Sanctuary. And a plush hamster for Dumah.

Forced to live amongst them in their own houses, Turel was at least glad their house was elegant and large; one befitting the sons of the tyrannical lord of Nosgoth. As he left the House with Dumah in tow (as Dumah had a very poor sense of direction and was prone to getting lost) he noticed Raziel grumbling on the way. He decided to let Raziel be and torment him later. Rahab had raised a fuss about attending a shoddy public school and was trying to petition for a much "better" private school. Kain's reply was not friendly and left Rahab with a nasty bruise. Zephon planned on arrived later and Melchiah was home (lucky!) for his stitches had come undone and it would take some time to fix. Turel suspected Mel did that on purpose.

When Turel arrived he smelled a disturbing mix of human and vampire. He assumed the vampire scent was that of his brothers and failed to acknowledge Edward Cullen's existence. As he passed into the hallway he was accidentally bumped into by a girl whose only fault that he noticed to far was extreme clumsiness. The fellow human males were making eyes at her as if she were the most beautiful thing on the planet. Ew. Turel made a mental note to avoid a freaky klutz such as herself.

Sighing, he received both his and Dumah's schedules. He then decided to spend some time showing Dumah where everything was, knowing full well that Dumah might not remember anyways. Oh well. He ended his walk by leaving Dumah alone in his home room and heading for his own. he saw that freaky klutz girl again. He knew she was human by her scent...and what a disturbing scent it was. It was a mix of self-loathing, regret, shame, and wish-fulfillment. It was as if her scent and herself was nothing more than an idyllic fantasy from some pathetic soul.

He looked at his home room and sat down, and noticed that some strange scent was there. It wasn't human and it wasn't vampire. It smelled canine but not quite.  

[Lord Dumah]

Dumah
Kain was mad at them. Dumah was stuck in a place named after silverware. Why did humans name towns after silverware? At least Nosgoth had COOL town names like Steinchencroe or Vasserbunde or something else hard to say for Dumah. Well silverware town was no fun. Nothing to do. Nope. All Dumah wanted was a hamster plushie. A green hamster plushie called a gramster. It was so cute, Dumah thought. Now they had to go to human school and be nice to humans or something. Dumah dozed off when Kain said big words. All Dumah knew was he was in a school and had to take classes.

Turel had showed him around a bit and where his classes would be. Dumah was happy about that. Turel could be a meanie-face but at least Turel was nice about Dumah's slowness. Big words and books hurt Dumah's brain. At least Dumah had art. Art was fun and Dumah got to draw. After Turel left him, Dumah saw something...shiny. And oh what a lovely shiny it was. So shiny. Uber shiny. Rahab taught Dumah the word uber. Dumah ran after the shiny, screaming "SHINY!" at the top of his lungs. This stunned his shiny and he grabbed it in his claws-disguised-as-hands. His shiny was a brooding male. A quick sniff said it was vampire. Shiny? Vampire? Oh well.

Dumah tossed Edward Cullen up in the air squealing "Shiny man!" over and over. Needless to say, this raised commotion in the hallways. Dumah felt someone tap his shoulder and order him to drop the student. Dumah? Drop HIS shiny? No! Dumah held Edward tighter, almost breaking Edward's ribs. Scratch that, Dumah heard cracking. The shiny was hurt! Poor Shiny. Dumah was saddended and dropped his shiny on the ground. It twitched. Hee hee. The person who told him to stop asked Dumah to follow him to the principal's office. 'Ok', Dumah thought (surprise!) 'maybe this person can fix Dumah's Shiny'.

Jacob Black
Jacob's day was depressing. He had fallen in love, love at first sight with the most beautiful and perfect girl he had ever seen. Bella Swan. Oh what a beautiful swan! But did she notice him? No. She noticed that Edward Cullen first. Ooooooh, Edward. How the girls were dazzled by him. And worse yet, she seemed to find someone else attractive. This new male student was *gasp* handsome and *GASP!* a vampire! How dare this new vampire claim HIS Bella. Well, he decided that such and act wasn't going to happen. He watched this new vampire say something to Edward and then be ogled more by beautiful, darling Bella. NO! Jacob walked inside and stalked this new vampire. He saw heads turn as he walked by. But those heads meant nothing. Only Bella's. He stopped the vampire by running in front of him and glaring at him.

"I don't know who you are stranger but that Bella Swan is MINE hear? I don't care if she looks at you but you will never touch her! Not once. She is mine! I, Jacob Black declare you my rival for her undying love and devotion! I shall be victorious!" he then ran off to find Bella and begin proving himself to her. He'd show that...that freak. Just before he reached Bella, he realized he didn't learn the man's name. Not that it mattered anyways. He approached Bella and complimented her beautiful and stunning looks and hinted that he wanted her. She seemed so utterly perfect and shocked that someone would want her. Yes! Score!

After flirting with dear Bella he headed to homeroom, to plot his move against the enemy. Another vampire's scent walked in and he noticed another, very tall vampire enter the room. He was attractive but not one his Bella had eyes on. He was ignorable. But oh, that new person, he would pay for trying to take Bella's heart.

He would pay dearly  

[Berylis]

(LMAO at the posts! So what do you guys think? Everyone for themselves, or should we have a posting order?)

As Bella walked by, Edward felt his breath taken away by her mortal beauty. Slender limbs, long brown hair in gentle waves down her back. A white face, touched by unhappiness. She looked like she'd break in a thousand pieces if he touched her. My mortal love. My immortal love. You are the smell of desire. My hands shake with the thought of caressing your smooth flesh. The heart beats tumultuously in my breast. You-- you're the one. Please, please stay. Please walk away. Bella, beautiful swan.

EDWARD CULLEN (to RAZIEL): Stalker, yes. I believe I am a stalker.

The nalgene bottle dropped to the pavement as he realized he stood beside someone who shared his nature. Suddenly, he was overcome by a vision of the Elder God in his terrible glory. Fear writhed through him.

EDWARD CULLEN (to RAZIEL): You!

Edward raises a perfectly manicured finger to Raziel's face. The nail shines like glass, and catches the light. It has a prismatic effect.

EDWARD CULLEN (to RAZIEL): You're one of HIS agents! The Dark God!

Edward dives behind Raziel, away from Bella, and holds onto the Legacy of Kain vampire for dear life, terrified that the Elder God will strike him down at any moment, outraged by his weakness.

EDWARD CULLEN: Forgive me Father, I have sinned!

It was then that Dumah reached behind Raziel to throw Edward into the air, towards the sunlight. Edward had been standing in the shade to hide his true nature. Now, as Dumah screamed "Shiny Vampire!" Edward's dirty little secret was exposed. Edward's eighty years rushed back at him at once, and he began to talk like the octogenarian he actually was.

EDWARD CULLEN (to DUMAH, shouting): WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? I DEMAND YOU PUT ME DOWN IMMEDIATELY!

As a result, the dimwitted vampire squeezed him tight! Edward felt his ribs creak, and expletives issues forth from his cupid bow lips in between gasps for air. Dumah drops him to the ground.

EDWARD CULLEN (to DUMAH): You stupid sonova b***h!

A thin stream of blood trickles down from the corner of his lips. Edward licks it away with his preternaturally long tongue.

EDWARD CULLEN (to DUMAH): Do you have ANY idea of the danger you just exposed us -- our kind to today?

Edward looks up in satisfaction as a teacher told Dumah to follow him to the principal's office.

There is some justice in this world, after all.

Edward looks to Raziel plaintively.

EDWARD CULLEN (to RAZIEL): Assistance, please?  

[Moebius Time Lord]

Mortanius
"So...you are certain you can provide this in exchange for the job?"

Kain had requested him to keep an eye out on his sons while they had to attend this school. Mortanius decided the best way was to work at the school. There were no openings so Mortanius...made one. He secretly ripped the soul out of the school nurse and bound it to the skeleton on display. It was an easy spell; he'd done it to Malek ages ago. Lacking serious qualifications, Mortanius decided to offer the school district personnel interviewing him eternal life. It was also an easy spell; for the school nurse had eternal life, per se. Mortanius nodded his head curtly and the deal was closed. Mortanius was now the nurse and Forks High School. And the interviewer was a walking cheap suit. Problem solved

(days later)
Mortanius entered the school early to set up. He laid various books on the table and in the shelves. Most of those books were necromancy books; one was about human anatomy. He set up the former school nurse in the backroom and proceeded to interrogate her about caring for humans when ill. He knew nothing about it, after all.


Moebius
Ah what an honor! His God had brought him back and given him a paying job! He'd be earning real money this time! Not just eggs or sheep or whatever the villagers gave him in exchange for fortunes. He had to watch over some child named Edward Cullen and make sure he did his job. Moebius thought that would be easy. After all, a depressed vampiric male was something he'd worked with before. This one was easier to spot because it sparkled in light. So here he was, principal of Forks High.

He checked the roster of his staff and other underlings. He noticed his fellow pillar member was the school nurse. Hmmm, well Mortanius never proved much of a problem to him; they usually got along. He gaped at seeing who the counselor was- Janos Audron. So, the Ancient took a job helping depressed teens? Well that would make his job tedious. Oh well, he'd expose him soon enough. For he knew Janos's weakness- fresh baked cookies. And Mortanius, who lived with his mother, often carried his mother's fresh cookies with him to eat. Perfect.

A knock at the door and a staff member told him that there had been an incident in the hallways. Apparently a student had grappled another, thrown him in the air, and potentially broken a few ribs. A problem? So soon? Moebius sighed and told the person to let the student in. When he saw Dumah absently walking in, he jumped in shock. What was Kain's third son doing here? Were they all here?!

Moebius: Hello Dumah I'm principal Moeb- er..Time? Moeber Time, yes so, why did you attack another student?

Dumah: He was shiiiiiny. Dumah hugged the shiny. Mr. Time, can you fix Dumah's shiny?

Moebius: Attacking other students is a detention for you mister um...*shuffles through the papers* (thinks-do you have a last name?/ Dumah. You are suspended for a week and you will apologize to the student. You may participate in no extracurricular activities. I will be personally meeting with you after school every day for this week to talk to you. Any questions

Dumah: *blinks* what? Dumah no understand big words

Moebius realized this would take some time.  

[Reaver Of Souls Raziel]

RAZIEL raised a fine, black eyebrow at Edward's response as well as the way the pathetic excuse for an immortal was pointing at him. "I believe you are mistaken -- and possibly deranged." This Raziel was still young, not yet an agent of the Elder God and still quite loyal to his sire. "I have no idea what you are talking about." He said as he used his own finely manicured finger to lower the other's - he wouldn't have this half-wit commoner gawking at him like that. And speaking of half-wits, Raziel was almost glad to have his younger brother, Dumah show up to yank Edward away from him -- although he couldn't help but wince at the sound of one of Dumah's patented rib-cracking hugs that the younger vampire often subjected Raziel to. He almost felt sorry for Edward... almost; Any vampire that glittered in the sunlight deserved to have their ribs broken.

As Dumah was playing with his new toy, Raziel blinked, suddenly finding, by the smell of it, some mutt standing in front of him. The young vampire hissed through his fangs, glowing eyes narrowing. "You dare to order me around, mongrel?" But before Raziel had a chance to give the lycanthrope a lesson in obedience, he was gone, chasing after that Stephanie Myer look-alike who he assumed to be Bella. Bella... she seemed to be the centre of attention in this place, perhaps associating himself with her would prove to be entertaining. But for now, he had to help Edward to the Nurse's office - it was better than going to class, at least.

BELLA was about to rush in to save her Eddy-kins from the bigger boy that had him in his grip but she had been distracted by teh shinnies. He was very shiny indeed, so very, very pretty... also, she was a woman, she wasn't suppose to be saving him, he was suppose to be saving her! All she had to now was get into some kind of danger... hey look, a cute boy was flirting with her! She giggled and tripped over her own words while talking to him; she was just so clumsy, even in conversation, teehee!

Meanwhile Raziel had gotten Edward to the Nurses office, blinking in bemusement when he saw Mortanius there. "Grandfather...? I mean! What are you doing here, Mortanius!" Raziel demanded to know what the man who had sired Kain was doing here. He dropped Edward on one of the chairs, assuming the school nurse would be in soon to take care of him.  

[Mortanius Pillar Guardian]

Mortanius
Mortanius blinked in surprise to see Raziel. He noticed that he had another vampire in tow. This vampire, something he only recognized as such because of the vampiric energy he felt, sparkled under the dim lighting of the office.
"I am the nurse here. Momma told me to get a job that wasn't creepy. This one fit her standards. Would you like a cookie, little Raziel?"

He thrust two fresh baked cookies in Raziel's hand and proceeded to examine Edward. This examination consisted of him poking various areas, asking "does that hurt?" until he hit the broken ribs.

"So, what happened to you young vampire?"

Edward looked at him in shock for this was another man who knew the secret. And not only that this man knew Raziel. Perhaps he was another agent of the Dark God? But he was the nurse so perhaps the Dark God had sent someone who could tend to his wounds if he was hurt during the mission. As he pondered this, Mortanius was informed from Raziel that Dumah hugged him. That was all Mortanius needed to know.

"All right, well lie down on that table there. I'm going to cut you open and magically re-attach your ribs if they broke off completely or just heal the cracks."

Before Edward could react, Mortanius used his magic to levitate Edward onto a flat table. He saw a book to his right where he had landed. The fact that this book was made of bound human skin and had sewn up eyes on the cover did not make him feel comfortable.

"Raziel go get something to gag him so I can do this without causing a commotion in the halls. If the students hear blood curdling screams in here, I may get fired and Momma will be mad"  

[Berylis]

Edward Cullen

Edward's eyes bulged so big they appeared to be popping out of his forehead. He forgot who he was talking to and couldn't peel his eyes away from the knife the necromancer held.

"You can't be serious!" he exclaimed, as Mortanius told him he planned on cutting him open. "What kind of medieval medicine is this? God Damnit, are you so completely ignorant of vampire physiology that you have forgotten the first rule-- the VERY first rule? Blood, man! Fetch me some blood!"

As Mortanius finished levitating him onto the flat table, he began to hyperventilate, causing extreme pain in his abdomen. Shiny blood tears flowed from the corner of his eyes, and as Raziel walked away, Edward realized Time Was Running Out, and he sat up, eyes wild, reaching towards Mortanius with murder in his eyes.

"Blood! I want blood! Fourteen hundred ounces or twenty stone PER DAY!"  

[Mortanius Pillar Guardian]

Mortanius
Mortanius stared blankly at the writhing vampire. When he began to sound like Magnus, Mortanius began to empathize- this vampire was mentally challenged! He couldn't handle pain; he was too much of a wuss. That's why he sparkled!
"All right little vampire, all right" his voice suddenly became soothing, but also as if he was talking to a scared four-year-old.
Mortanius called a random student into the nurses office, promising a cookie. This student was a stereotypical jock- football jersey, buzzed blond hair, dumbfounded look, convinced by cookies (and cheerleaders).
Mortanius closed and locked the door
"So, uh, wuzzup dude? where's the nurse?"

"I am the new nurse victim. Here is your cookie"

"K,thx" the jock absently began eating the cookie as Mortanius began uttering a spell. When the cookie was gone, Mortanius summoned all of the student's blood out from his eyeballs and into Edward's mouth.

"There you go little vampire," Mortanius said as he pet Edward on the head. "now drink more human's blood and you can be nice and strong one day like my undead son, Kain. And no, I am not human."

Mortanius pushed them out of the nurse's office, giving Raziel one more cookie and an affectionate rub on the head. "Now move or you two will be late for first period! If you are late Raziel, I will tell Kain .

Moebius

After writing down what he requested from Dumah after telling him five times, one of those including sock puppets, Moebius sent Dumah out of his office and to class. He then decided o patrol the halls. As he did, he spoke to his Master.
"Yes, your will shall be done. Kain's third son is here. I do not know who else is."
As he spoke this people began looking at him oddly. He did not notice Edward and Raziel at the end of the hallway
"Yes, yes, that boy shall do your bidding my dark god. And I'll check for more of hiiiiis sons."
He finally noticed the two of them. Not recognizing Raziel at first, he screamed at both of the to get out of the halls and into class lest the suffer detentions too. After all, he explained, he did impose a rule that being in the hallway when one shouldn't be meant you had to run around the hallways with your hair on fire.  

[Berylis]

Edward Cullen

Edward's teeth extended as he came within striking distance of the football player, but this preparation for feeding was unnecessary. Mortanius had already exsanguinated the victim! The blood flowed through the air from the student's eyeballs, to Mortanius' outstretched arm, to Edward's greedy mouth. He drank with thirst, the vitae repairing his broken limbs in seconds. As he finished the last droplets, Mortanius patted him on the head, and he grinned ear to ear.

When Mortanius explained that he was not human, Edward gasped, realizing what he'd done.

"I swore never to do this again!" he shouted. "We don't drink the blood of the humans, not even the evildoers! We are more than mindless predators! We--"

The Elder God's stern presence cut him off. He felt the God's displeasure, and fell to his knees.

"Remember the fate of cowards," the Elder God said, his voice echoing throughout the chamber. "Do not deny your nature."  

[Lieutenant Turel]

Turel

Classes were boring. Pathetic too. Turel knew how to read and write properly. He was capable in mathematics. Physics was not entirely difficult, although it did bore him (unlike Rahab, who loved that class). The only class that confused him was American History as he was not in anyway American and he had never been here before. This was the only challenge in terms of academic prowess.
Lunch was a period he shared with all of his brothers. He located Rahab sitting down and sat at the same table. Dumah had found Raziel and was about to hug-pounce-break ribs of Raziel. Raziel seemed to notice him before he did. He then watched as Dumah showed Raziel a piece of paper and was asking for help.

Bored, Turel looked around. He found the crazy girl that all the boys fawned over. He had the sudden urge to kill her and do the world a huge favor. But she was surrounded by many boys, one of them with a canine scent. Turel knew that if Dumah got wind of a canine here, Dumah would love to play fetch with it. Turel decided to amuse himself by using his dark gift- psychic powers- to attack---no wait....what was that sparkling under the dim light?

Turel turned around to see many young girls fussing over a sparkling male in a group of sparkling teenagers. He could tell by scent they were vampires. Sparkling vampires. What abomination was this? No, they were to die, not the annoy human girl. He turned back, tapped Rahab on the shoulder, and began telling him of the sparkling ones. He learned from Rahab that they went by the surname Cullen and that any vampire that sparkled must die.

Knowing this was best accomplished with a plan, Turel walked over to Raziel and Dumah, hissing and giving an evil eye to Bella as he walked over. When he got there, he noticed that Dumah's paper was a detention slip for a whole week with the disciplinarian.

What did Dumah do now?  

[Reaver Of Souls Raziel]

"Right..." Raziel didn't believe Mortanius for a second; Raziel may have been gullible but not that gullible! He blinked in bemusement when suddenly he had two cookies shoved at him. "Er, thanks..." As soon as Mortanius had his back turned, he unceremoniously dropped the cookies into the garbage. "Sorry, Gramps--Mortanius, while I would love to stay and help I have a class to be getting to, you understand." and with that he was out the door before Mortanius could stop him. Once he was out of ear shot, Raziel muttered. "This place really is insane..."

In class Raziel finished his work fairly quickly (their brand of education insulted his intelligence) but in each class whenever he asked to leave because he had finished the teacher always told him to sit down until class was finished or gave him something else to work on. He resisted the urge to hiss at them, he didn't want to be there, he felt like a prisoner. At lunchtime he was contemplating making an escape but he was caught up by Dumah. A quick flick on the nose like one you would give a big, stupid, misbehaving dog ensured that Dumah wouldn't hug him.

"How many times do I have to tell you, little brother, do not-- ... hm, what's this?" Raziel looked at the piece of paper Dumah showed him. He frowned. "Why did you go and get yourself detention, you big oaf? Father wont be happy with this..." Raziel then glanced at Turel. "And what of you? I hope you haven't done anything too stupid since we've been here."  

[Lord Dumah]

Jacob
Lunch. What a perfect time to treat his darling Bella to a scrumptious feast. As he dug through his bag to find some chocolate for his beloved, he sniffed a familar scent. His ears pricked (he had some canine in him) at the sound of his...rival. There he was, standing smugly, as if HE were the handsomest creature on the planet. Well Jacob would show him who really was.

He rushed over to Bella and began charming her. As he did, he noticed the vampire from his home room walk by and hiss at her. How rude! That other vampire must have put him up to it. He put his arm around Bella, protectively, and assured her HE would protect her.

Dumah
After what felt like forever, Mister Mober Time let Dumah go. Dumah held onto the paper and decided he would ask one of his brothers for help understanding what a detention was. He managed to avoid trouble in his classes as many of the other students in the special needs classes were loud while Dumah was quiet. Also, none of them were shiny. He met Rahab in the hallways on the way to class and said hello. rahab was nice to Dumah and said hi back. Rahab is a nice person, Dumah thought.

During lunch period he saw Razzie. Razzie looked sad. Razzie should get hugged! Dumah made motion to pounce his brother, but Raziel saw him before he did. He flicked Dumah on the nose. Dumah knew that flicking on the nose meant "no!" because Kain did that to him too.

Dumah showed his paper with confusing words on it to Raziel. "Razzie, what does this say?" Dumah asked inquisitively. As Raziel began to reply, Turel came. Did Turel want a hug too? Turel flicked Dumah on the nose when he tried though. Phooey. What was a detention?!  

[Lieutenant Turel]

Turel

"Uh, what? No, I'm not Dumah. Raziel there is something of extreme importance I must tell you. I found sparkling vampires . Abominations like that must be killed instantly. Also, there are a bunch of human women making eyes at you."
Turel pointed to where the Cullens were. And low and behold, they did dazzle the idiot teens who walked by.
"They must die for being disgraces to vampiredom. Now, you make a distraction so I can start snapping their necks, and---yes Dumah?"

Turel took the detention slip from Dumah and began to explain it to him.
"It says here you grappled- you grabbed-- another student, threw him in the air, and may have broken ribs. AKA, you hugged it too hard, again." Turel knew Dumah well enough to know what had happened. "But," Turel continued, "Who did you do this too?" At Dumah's reply of 'a shiny,' Turel looked at Raziel for a translation. Suddenly he did a double take, "do you mean one of those sparkling vampires? You broke one of their ribs?"

He pet Dumah on the head and sent him to the table with Rahab. Turel looked at Raziel. "Make a distraction, midget so I can break necks."