Aali felt his mood slipping day by day, and he knew just the reason why. He was ready to embark of the best of all duties - fatherhood. The only trouble was he needed Aysel to be ready to embark on the duty of motherhood as well. It wasn't so much a trouble, he knew Aysel wanted a family, he had promised her one. The harem was large enough to care for many cubs so why was he failing in his duty to ensure those cubs were born?
Everything was finally settled, the pads each had fair sized harems and his brother had ushered in a new generation already. Judging by some of the plumper banu he had spotted about there would be many cubs playing and tumbling around the dens soon enough. He longed for his own brood to join them, with a sigh he settled down and rested his head on his paws. How to explain his desire to Aysel was the issue.
Everyone was a mass of giggles and smiles, congratulations and wishes for happiness; there were more cubs coming. Aysel of course was always beaming upon noting another female's swollen belly, and of course she was thrilled by the idea of new life... but as she would walk away to continue her rounds, she could never stop her mind from wandering to less savory places.
She was the Sultana, mate to their leader... so why was her stomach flat still? Why were the only cubs she handled those of another pad and girl's? Why did she have no little ones of her own? Never would she bare a dark thought towards Aali, but rather, she wondered what fault of hers was to be blamed. Was she too intent on her other duties? Was she not spending enough time with him? She noticed he wasn't as cheerful as usual, and guilt made her sick.
Her eyes fell upon his heavy form, and with a small sigh she went to him, tucking away her depressing thoughts with a soft smile for the Sultan. "Love, are you feeling well?" Nuzzling him, she lowered herself to sit beside him, head cocked slightly. "Have you heard? More cubs will be joining the pride soon. Everyone seems to be abuzz these days."
Aali lifted his head and slowly smiled, Aysel could always make him smile with just the sound of her voice. He slowly sat up beside her and nuzzled her cheek. "Yes, many cubs, the whole pride will be full of the sound of small paws and games and laughter...it's good to see things finally back in order." As much as he tried to inject enthusiasm into his voice the words came out forced.
Aysel was happy of course, just as he was happy for each new father, but still. Did she too feel the ache inside knowing that none of their own cubs would be a part of the tumble of new lives? Did she wonder as he did if it was some fault of his that kept them from producing heirs?
At least he was smiling, and getting up. That was a good sign, no? "It's good to see so much life finally coming back." First the new girls, now the new cubs... the pride was thriving, and all was well and happy.
Well, almost everything.
She could hear the strain in his voice, though held her tongue. Would it be her place to bring up the subject of.... their cubs? She wasn't sure. It seemed, until then, she'd learned all the lessons of the pride she needed to be happy... but why did it seem she was left without a trace when it came to cubs of her own? Did she just come out and say, 'Hey! I want cubs!' or wait till Aali started that conversation? It'd been a while since she doubted herself here, and the renewal of the feeling made her brow crinkle faintly in muffled frustration.
He noticed then, her emphasis on life, the way her brown wrinkled with worry? anger? What did she feel? For so long they had been together and so very in love, and he loved her still, perhaps that was why it hurt so much to know he had failed her. He gently licked her head trying to smooth away the wrinkle.
"It would be nice for our den too, to be filled with such happy sounds..." He tried to sound casual but there was an ache he couldn't keep from his voice.
It was impossible to resist snuggling into him when he licked her, curling herself into his warmth. She always felt so safe with him. Always did, always will. And yet... why was there nothing physical to show of her devotion to him? Had she offended someone out there to cause this bad luck? Or... was she just... unable to...
She halted that thought right then and there before it could progress any further, instead rewinding her mind to replay whatever it was Aali had just said... only to have her stomach flutter with butterflies and her heart drop as that horrid thought mixed with the joy of what he was saying. "It would," she responded simply, raising her head to look into his eyes. "It would be wonderful to have little ones running around the den, to play with them, care for them..." Her voice trailed off, recalling the days of which she would spend with her mother caring for her younger siblings. She loved cubs, even then. Now? To have her own....
He relaxed slowly as Aysel curled into him and he gently moved his paw around his side to keep her close. His head moved softly against hers tenderly nuzzling her as he tried to keep his negative thoughts at bay.
"We have tried my love...I fear sometimes that the fault is mine. Faiz is about to usher his second litter into the world...and I have yet to give you even one cub to care for." He frowned and looked at her wondering if she too blamed him. His usual cheerful blue eyes were dark with concern.
Feeling as safe and warm as she did, even with the thoughts of the concerning subject fresh in her mind... it would have been easy to lose herself into his comforting embrace. That is, until he said that bombshell that had her jumping almost out from under his paw. "Y-your fault?"
Her expression was livid, horrified that he would even think such at thing. "How could you say, never mind think that? Your brother's brood should show proof of your line's success. What do I have to call upon but vague memories of a single mother and a few sisters? Never mind many were born of different fathers - love, I don't think for a moment you are to blame here, surely it is-" she cut herself off, biting her lip and turning her head to the ground. She could feel tears burning her eyes, though did all she could to keep them at bay. "Please, Aali. Do not blame yourself. I am sure, that should you be with any other, you would have had cubs ages ago."
He gently nudged her and nuzzled her neck trying to calm her once more and gently nipping at her ear. "Faiz is my half brother Aysel, my own mother struggled to give birth...to have me, it cost her her life to provide my father a son. If the fault does not lie in me then I know it is not in you either my love. " He licked her cheek in reassurance.
"You are my Sultana and I know you have the ability to have many cubs Aysel, we will have a family...perhaps we must simply try longer for a greater gift." He frowned and pulled her closer. "Know this...I would rather have no cubs at all then to loose you my love." Indeed that thought hadn't even occurred to him, what if Aysel would suffer the way his mother had? He cringed at the thought, yet he knew they would try anyway, they both wanted a family.
Never had she known the sad fate of Aali's mother, though Faiz being his half-brother she had been aware of. Still, in her mind, the idea of him being the cause for the lack of offspring was... impossible. It had been his mother, may she rest in peace, who had the difficulties, not the previous Sultan. No... surely the weight of blame was on her shoulders. It had to be.
Aysel remained silent for a time, burying her face in his fur and listening, thinking. Yes... yes they could keep trying. His words made sense to her, though deeply touched. Yes... she didn't care what anyone said - she was blessed. To have found someone so kind, so wonderful... all she wanted was to give him a family, and oh how she prayed she could.
"I hope you are right, love. I want you to be right, so badly. To give you a family... I can't tell you how much I want that." She raised her head to lick his cheek softly. "I was so lucky to have been found by you." In the back of her mind, beyond the sorrow and hope and affection and love... the Sultana had to wonder. If she was unable to give him cubs? There must be something against that? She would not ask, but the question... would be something she would ponder.
He hoped above all that they would be able to rise above this uncertainty, that Aysel would soon provide a healthy litter of cubs for the hare to watch over. The doubts of their ability to produce cubs would be pushed out of the minds of all. Yes that was exactly what was going to happen...had to happen. If it didn't? Then what? Could he bring himself to put another female in Aysel's place? Would she understand if he did? No, it wouldn't come to that, he wouldn't let it. They were going to manage just fine..."we'll be just fine my love." He said the words out loud to reassure them both.
"You'll see, soon the den will be so full of cubs it will take all paws to manage them." He smiled and licked her cheek with a forced laugh trying to sooth her.
She could hear how he was trying, and though it might be pause for concern... she still smiled nonetheless. Sure there were problems on this road, and who knows the type they'd stumble upon later. But for now? She could smile, and laugh, and hope for a the happy future they both wanted so desperately. If they kept trying, kept loving each other... everything had to work out. Didn't it? Aali had done so much already for the pride... he deserved more than any to have a strong, healthy family. Was it so much to ask to be the first to give it to him?
"You're right, it will be." Aysel chuckled, tucking her head beneath his chin. "I hope the others are ready to help deal with all those balls of energy." How would her harem sisters react? Her maw split into a grin at the thought, mind shoving away the darkness of doubt in favor of happy possible futures.
Seeing Aysel happy made his own mood lift as well and soon the worries faded, how could they NOT have their family, it would all be well. "You will all make wonderful mothers each in your own turn. When the den if filled with cubs I'm sure you'll all learn to help one another even more then you already do." He chuckled and nipped her cheek teasingly.
"You may have to surrender your hunting duties for a while." With a relaxed sigh he moved to lay back down this time he wasn't brooding, but excited. He pulled Aysel down close with his large paws. "We just have to keep trying..."
Her mind was abuzz with so many thoughts - cubs of her own, what it would be like to care for another's little ones, how full the den would get... she couldn't stop grinning! "When the den is full with cubs, we're going to have to learn to help each other keep our heads above water!," she laughed, nudging him playfully.
Her ear twitched at the idea of holding off on hunting for a while, muzzle twitching as she pondered it. "When I can no longer hunt as efficiently as I do now, I'll back down from the hunts," she agreed, keeping her own little edge with a teasing smirk. Not that she was the type to go against a request of her dear pad, but who was to say she couldn't play around now and then? Aysel curled up along side him then, all chuckles and smiles and thoughts of the future.
Yes, yes there would be trials, and rough patches... but they will have their family. They will...
Resting his head gently against hers he smiled and watched her and in his heart he silently hoped that the day would soon come
