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 Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:43 pm
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Maybe you've heard of this already, but maybe not.
For those of you who have NOT heard of it yet. Let me enlighten you. This was written by an Engineer who had no better use of his time than to calculate EVERYTHING that Santa Claus would have to do to deliver presents.
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1. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18 ) in the Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of out calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the wight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the wight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's (times the force of gravity on Earth.) A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
V. Therefore, is Santa did exist, he's now dead.
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And don't say "he's magical, he can stop time," because if he did stop time, space would collapse and Quantum Mechanics would kick you in the face because of it.
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Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:58 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:31 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:38 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 12:43 am
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 12:59 am
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:53 pm
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ArmasTermin Chivalric Knight "Kids, I just had a conversation with General LeClerc.
He told me he was first into Paris, and by God, he wanted to be first into Berchtesgaden.
I told him I understood his point.
Now you fire up Second Battalion and outflank that French son of a b*tch!"
-Col. Sink, Band of Brothers
Michio Kaku.
He is going to come and blow your head up with his logic of Quantum Mechanics.
Tell me how it feels.
stare
emo
It saddens me to think that you, a member of GGE, thinks like that.
Have a sense of humor, man. I was just messing around. No need to be all uptight about it. Of course we know Santa Claus isn't real. "Kids, I just had a conversation with General LeClerc.
He told me he was first into Paris, and by God, he wanted to be first into Berchtesgaden.
I told him I understood his point.
Now you fire up Second Battalion and outflank that French son of a b*tch!"
-Col. Sink, Band of Brothers
Lulz.
So was I. I was just playing along with yer act.
@Mortis: Yeah. But it is fun to know that IF SOMEHOW, he did EXIST. He's dead. I think it's fun to know the facts, of how much, how fast, etc. it WOULD take to do something like that. My favorite part is about the reindeer and reentering the atmosphere. (queue Awesome Face)
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:05 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:39 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:47 pm
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Requiem in Mortis Sugar daddy donut Santa has teleportation technology, as well as an army of clones. Dracula, meanwhile, has a moonbase. BOOM. With Hitler and Elvis and Micheal Jackson and Paul McCarthy and Tupac and Bruce Lee and Benjamin Franklin's headless body!
Elvis doesn't do s**t.
Cool, another Dr. Mcninja fan. |
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 10:24 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 10:34 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 11:08 pm
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