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THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP
"In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim]. But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:

1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.

5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.

(ii Found This Artical Off Gooqle; ii Are Tryin To Get Info Out Dere To Ppl Who Dont Know About This Type Of Stuff;

truthfully; now a dayz i see muslim ppl doinq this; not yuh but ppl

- and so i posted this to tell pplz cuz it miqh help them; at the very bottom i wrote ii found this artical on qooqle;i didnt write it;
so when it talks about that i didnt noe what they ment either sweatdrop

- srry if taht line was offencive to yuh D:

I think any adivce has to be taken with a grain of salt. I have known people that are sluts (people that "mess around") and anti sluts (people that take what you just quoted to the extreme an ex. would be a friend of mines who pretty much thinks all guys are out to rape her and/or just have sex with her). For both extremes I have known Muslims and Non Muslims to exist in both. While the advice you quoted can be helpful it can also be damaging personally I don't agree with the no opposite gender friend bit. While I realized I am not the norm but rather a exception I prefer people to just learn self control rather then avoidance behavior or humping like rabbits. I don't think the idea of being free with your spouse is not a good idea either as a couple can only afford so many children. I am old enough to have seen enough friends screwed thier lifes up by being dare I say psychotically proper before marriage (those that don't allow self true opposite gender friendships) and hence never learning any true sense of self control they destory their lifes by having sex too freely once merry by having one too many kids then they can afford.

I know avoidance of the opposite sex doesn't teaches true self control just fear and insecurity around the opposite sex. Better to teach how casual sex and that horrid birth control stuff can harm and even outright destroy the self and ones partner(s). I have elders Muslim and Non-Muslim that agree with me on this that said it true that not everyone is created equal but rather equally unequal and sadly not everyone can gain self control through such means but neither does the means you quoted work for everyone as well.

I would say at least give being just friends with the opposite sex a try if you can't manage it sorry to hear it but if you can good for you that Allah gave you that sorta strength of mind and soul over body.

Also I don't believe in the bf/gf crap I thinbk it is a redudent concept/tradition. I look at things as being either casual friends=aquantices, dear/best/beloved friends, and marriage. I see friendship as social and emotional whearas marriage is where you allow for physical as well in a committed relationship that grew from a commited friendship. I don't believe in romance or arrange marriage I seen examples of both in my family and find neither works very well. ONly marriages I have seen work well are those that are "mere" extensions of friendships.

Sorry for the long bit of talk but this is a subject I feel strongly about as you can see.

i really do agree with you cuz prophet mohammed (pbuh) said that this is haram and we all have to go with his advices
thank you sister for giving us an important note that we all may fall in it biggrin

rofl

So you mean going out with someone is the same as having sex with them? Not so; I've had two girlfriends and one sort-of boyfriend, and I'm still a virgin.

Now for your incredibly stupid points.


How is that going to help? It'll make the opposite sex more appealing to them. My parents encouraged me to mix with girls because they didn't want me screwing them all when I hit puberty. It turned me freaking gay. If I'd been forbidden to mix with girls, I'd probably be some super-straight rapist.


Porn. Is that a relationship? Anyway; if they're told not to look at the opposite sex they're going to have insanely confusing feelings when they hit puberty. Or, like me, they'll surpress any feelings they have for the opposite sex because they think they're wrong and evil, and they'll end up gay or bi.


I suppose that one kind of makes sense.

Some people find baggy clothes attractive. I mean, if I see someone in skinny jeans, I usually have to fight the urge to throw up. I actually like baggy clothes on people; both guys and girls... though tbh girls would just look odd in that. Anyway, sometimes baggy clothes just make people try harder to imagine what's beneath.



Now, I might have skimmed over it, but... why? Why? Seriously. Why? There's no reason why bf/gf relationships can't happen. None at all. I mean, the only time I've ever done stuff with someone was with someone I wasn't even going out with; not "going out" with him didn't stop it happening at all.

Also, how can you marry someone you haven't been out with first? Seriously; you can't just marry someone you don't even know. And I guess you need to go out with them simply to get to know them. I can understand not liking pre-martial sex, because I think it's wrong too, but not even wanting pre-martial relationships? That's like being against pre-exhalation inhilation!

The rule is dumb. Please read my refuttal. All I see is "O NOEZ ITZ EBIL" in that article; I don't see any reasons why it's evil.

I think shinigami has addressed most of the points you brought up, but I find this sentence amusing..

What causes this? Why do you find that girls wearing baggy clothes odd? There is this powerful thing called the media, and I believe you have been successfully brainwashed, my boy.

Nuns in Christianity don't exactly go around the church wearing short T-shirts and tights, right? Correct me if I am wrong..

So you find nuns = odd?

Moved To Islamic Lectures!!