Aibisho sighed softly as he stared up at the desert sunset, his eyes locked on the streaks of color that stretched across the sky. He had to wonder if Chanda was out there somewhere, staring up at this same sunset. With a soft growl, he thrust his paw against the scorching sands beneath his paws and squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that stars burst across his sight. It was foolish to think Chanda was alive, foolish to think that she might come back, and even more foolish to.. actually care so much. No, he was sure she must have met her fate in the desert – why else would she abandon him and their family?
He pushed himself to stand and frowned as he looked back up at the sunset once more. This was it, he was determined, this was the last day he sat and waited for her. Like the sunset before him, he was ending a phase of his life. He was tired of being alone, tired of looking like a fool that pined for his lost lover. Weakness was just not tolerated in the Firekin and he looked like the weakest link of all.
Still, no matter his resolution and the determined look on his face, he knew that he would always wonder where she’d gone. Could he really give himself to someone else knowing that there was even the slightest sliver of a chance that she was still out there somewhere? He supposed he really had no choice. He had come to rely on others for support and with Dhoof gone, he needed companionship of some kind. He knew he would not last long, especially in this pride, without some form of support.
He supposed he had two choices – he could stay in the pride, stay for his family, and try to rebuild some kind of life for himself or he could.. leave. Even the thought of leaving was bittersweet. His cubs were here, the little family he had built but Dhoof.. Dhoof was out there. What was his once inseparable companion doing all alone in the world? Was he okay? Was he happy?
He sighed and turned his back on the sunset, frowning over his indecision. He began to trot slowly across the desert sands, back towards the dens he had called home for last few years. The temperature was beginning to drop drastically, even with the golden sun still lingering just beyond the horizon and lighting it up with a rainbow of twilight colors. He wasn’t exactly fond of the scorching heat of the pride, but the nights could be so much worse. He needed to be back within his den before he was caught in the freezing temperatures of the unkind desert he lived in.
Still, silence was not his friend. It was a wretched, awful companion that pulled at his thoughts and made him relive memories he would prefer not to. As he made his long way back to the dens his face was pulled into a permanent frown, uninviting to any of the lions he passed – and there were quite a few the closer he got to his home. He didn’t see them, sadly. He saw Chanda’s face, her happiness and her anger, her concealed love and silent amusement – he was a zombie tracing the path to home automatically, like he had done so many, many times before. The memories flashed in his head as he continued his silent march, right until he saw his den rising in the distance.
He paused then to blink away the memories from his eyes, suddenly coming back to reality. To his right a dusty red lioness frowned and for a moment he thought she might say something, attempt to comfort him, anything. He almost relished the idea of someone to talk to, even if it was completely out of his character. At the last moment, however, she simply closed her mouth and turned away from him with a look of sympathy plain across her features. It made him growl beneath his breath and continue on towards his den in a sulky, irritated state of mind. Apparently his attitude preceded him and, even in a time of need, others couldn’t overcome that to give him any form of comfort.
He supposed he shouldn’t blame them, though. He and Chanda had built a wall of threat around themselves, forcing others to stay away from them and preferring a dual life of solitude. But without her now, he was just alone by himself – a complete and utter solitude that he had never experienced at any point in his life. Would no one ever just try to overcome the wall around him? He supposed he was lucky that the female had even considered speaking to him since most people just ignored him and went about their day is if he wasn’t there. A firekin mentality if he ever saw one, coupled with no one really wanting to befriend a giant grump.
With a scowl on his face, irritated by both himself and the pride members that surrounded him on a daily basis, he walked slowly into the den he had once shared with Chanda. He had considered finding another multiple times but with the influx of new members, new dens were hard to find and he didn’t want to be snapped at for being ungrateful for the things he already had. Even if the memories plagued him every time he so much as looked into it, he would simply have to deal with it.
He curled himself up against the far wall where he couldn’t see the sunset, where it couldn’t remind him of the decisions he had to make, and stared instead at the stone across from him. He wasn’t tired but he wasn’t very keen on walking through the pride lands in the cold only to have more of his fellow members ignore him. A decision would have to be made soon – did he continue to live a solitary life waiting for Chanda to come back, did he find companionship elsewhere in the pride, or did he just leave these memories behind altogether and go out searching for his brother?
He had to hope the answer would come to him soon, before his misery overwhelmed him.
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