[prp] I hate this part... [ Nyoka x Dysi ]

[Chi Sohma]

Inspirational Rp Songs:
[ p***y Cat dolls - I hate this part right here ]
&
[ Rihanna - Unfaithful ]

It had been months since anyone had seen her around the pride. Many had waited in delight and equally worried of the condition the 'Queen' Boss Lady was said to be in. 'To take it slow' some said while others seemed to hope for the worst. Many things had happened and forever she would be matched by those actions but in the end. She was too weak to fight it, when Aiko left- blaming Nyoka for the upbringing. The only thing she could do was hold an equally as strong face and put the female in her place- but likely, Nanashi had step foot in the whole ordeal for Nyoka was too weak at the time to care.

Months had passed by as she gained the strength to push forward. Take that extra step but her body had taken a tole with this birth and the litter was not all that small neither but she did give appreciation to the 'spirits' out there, whom let her deliver healthy children.

Finally, it had been days since she was cooped up in that den. Her daughter Emi always pushing and giving her things to make her remember there was an 'outside'. Through that all, Nanashi was always still there. She had almost forgotten Dysi now. It had been so long since she saw him, she swore she would dream about him coming in to her den but again, all just a dream.. or so she thought. But picked up where she left off with the pride almost as if she never left. Always so busy.. always since she was able to leave the den again.

It was night finally and instead of going when things were busy, she waited for the night crew to be out. They hardly, if ever- asked her questions and made it a point to not say a word to her. Darkness was silence.. A day of finally resting. She looked back at Nanashi, softly slitting her eyes in adoration. He was... her everything now... What else did she need? Slowly she went out of the den, her tired body wanting to stay up like it once did. Turning back again to see her children. She was so proud.. so happy, though they needed a few whippin's they still were hers. The first litter she acknowledged.. and so treasured to be the one whom birthed them. They were all so beautiful.. Their tired heads sleeping. She adored it..

Slowly she started to pad up the cliff of her stationed den. Easily she made her way up as she did it quite often but it had been some time since she had been up here. Feeling the wind picking up all of her fur and waving it about. It felt so nice to be so high, so confident in her step.. Hanging her head low until she stopped at a thick part of the pride's walls. Putting her nose to the sky..

 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi sat outside of his den, his back facing the mouth as if he was protecting what laid within in. He was, in a way. Several of his daughters, the ones who had not found their own dens, laid within it, sleeping peacefully and Dysi was loathed to let anything disturb them.

He had been leaving the pride more and more over the last few months – hating to be away from his daughters but knowing that he simply couldn't stay and watch Nanashi strut around as the Boss, taking on the duties of both rulers while Nyoka laid...somewhere, out of Dysi's reach. He hadn't seen her in so long, though he had tried when she first 'took it easy' but was denied access to her. Seeing the offspring of her and the Boss had hurt like a blade through he heart.

They were beautiful, and Dysi hated that he hated them...but it should have been his offspring that Nyoka birthed.

But it wasn't.

Dysi sighed. He worried for his daughters when he left. Not because the pride was dangerous, but because they were leopards, or part leopards, or in the case of Leto, half lion. None of which endeared them to the pridal members.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle night breeze.

When had his life gotten so...complicated? Worse than that, it had gotten...sad at some point and the only thing that Dysi could see as having caused it was when he lost Nyoka...but he wasn't sure if he had even lost her. Did he even have her to start with?

He winced, and opened his eyes, staring at the sky wishing he was far from his thoughts and far from the pride.  

[Chi Sohma]

Noticing that she felt almost tied down by everything. Being busy and working for the past week since she had been out was restricting her time with her children. They are.. all she ever wanted. But that was before the fleeting thoughts of Dysi came along. Which made her start walking again, and now heading towards the thicker edge again, she stepped and without thinking that the rocky walls could be limp, when she pressed down, the small ground she had beneath her shifted lower and she gasped before jumping on the ledge ahead of her with a relieving sigh.

"That was close.. Heh. I haven't had a scare like that in ages." She softly laughed to her self.. "Hmm.." Ending it as she looked beyond to the roguelands. Wandering if Dysi was out there somewhere. She hadn't asked anyone about him. Not after he had left for that long period of time and Nanashi well took over her heart. Falling in love with him deeper than she had thought originally. A sigh as she pulled herself together and shook her head.

"I should.. pay more attention to where I'm going~ If I even know where I'm off to." Again laughing to herself as she looked on to the roguelands yet again.. Nodding as she promptly sat on the thicker edge just in case the wall slid again.  

[Velveteen Angel]

It was only the faintest noise that first caught Dysi's attention, ears twitching at the sound of rocks tumbling and shifting. It wasn't a lot of rocks, just a few but it still caught his ears. It was so silent this time of night, usually, so any noise was unusual. Even the higher ranking members had retired to bed by this point normally. Perhaps the wall had merely crumbled a little on it's own, but Dysi doubted that.

Casting a glance into his den, he could see the shadows of his daughters sleeping and knew they would be safe, for the moment. He wanted to see what that was. He stood and moved away from the den, scanning the wall for what it had been. The figure which perched upon the wall, only the outline visible in the dark, startled Dysi and for a moment, he thought perhaps it was a guard, but who would go up to the walls but royalty?

Staring at the figure, he recognised the gentle curves. Nyoka. Could it really be? He stared in disbelief. He hadn't seen her in so long. A familiar longing returned, to see her up close, to hold her near and yet he was frozen to the floor, simply staring at her form, chest hurting from memories.

She was watching the rogue lands, he realised. Was she watching for danger or...looking for someone? Dysi hadn't left the pride since Aiko had taken her offspring with her and gone – he'd almost been afraid to. Not that he didn't want to see them, he found himself surprisingly missing Hikari, the son he could never admit to. He had spent the most time with the boy out of the cubs and the desire to seek him out had been strong after he left, but he resisted. Aiko was strong, she would protect him – he hoped.

He had stayed within the pride since then, hoping to avoid dramas in the rogue lands and hoping for...well, exactly what he had now. A glimpse of the female he loved. He had feared that something had happened to her, which was why she had been in hiding, but she seemed healthy – and even without seeing her in detail, Dysi knew she was still beautiful.

He smiled, though was startled to find that it was slightly sad.  

[Chi Sohma]

"I must be getting old.. talking to my self in the physical realm..." She laughed, pathedically, on her face noting how tired and drained she looked. Turning to the roguelands then slowly she turned and started down the path in the walls. Lowering herself to the wall so she could better stable herself but as exhausted as she was. Her whole body gave way on one foot which slide and she scambled with her footing for a short time before grasping herself on one of the ledges below. Down her arm was a cut that ranged from her foot up to her arm but she didn't quite notice. Just stayed on the ledge for a short time before moving down the way again. Unnoticing her prey as she was all sorts of 'out of it'.

"I'm fine." She said upon arrival down to the ground floor and looked at her bodyguards. Shaking her head with anticipation of them trying to aid her. The smell of blood rose but she tossed her gaze away. "I need time outside.. You may not follow." Looking back to them with assurance, then made her way out with every curve in her body moving along as she did. Noticing the limp in her step as she stepped out of the pride's walls and in to the lucious forest that surrounded it. She continued on and made it to the wasteland rocky terrain after an hour or two. Then stopped and stopped promptly upon arrival. Looking out to the lands that seemed to be more of an assurance than the pride was sometimes. Then went deeper in to the roguelands and slinked down the caverns, in to dark holes. The safest route out of the wasteland and she knew it with her eyes closed...

Where her and Dysi usually met up, she slinked up that small cliff over the rocks, and down it was a huge lush land below, beautiful but deadly.. Their den she had found for them. Lowering herself into a lay just outside of it and looking up. The traces of Dysi... the smell.. but she knew he wasn't there.. It had been so long since they have been inside with one another.. It felt like forever. Especially since she was restrained in the pride over her recent illness that had somewhat subsided with time and herbs from a traveling herbalist recieved by Bugie.

"Ah, if it were only that simple to run off. Maybe then we could have been together. Do you blame me for wanting to be protected? Have a safe place to come to when I am ailed or tired? I am sorry my feet do not wonder as much as yours.. With distance... the heart grows further..." Though she did still love him, her heart fell in love with Nanashi.. someone she was suppose to be with and felt right giving her heart to. Just.. she felt needed by other's attention to feel 'whole'. But that was slowly deteriating as she started to come to the conclusion she couldn't do this to Nanashi.. Everytime she left out in the roguelands, he knew where she was going. It wasn't a secret to him anymore but yet he said nothing to her. Did nothing except hurt while she did what did and hurt the one whom was devoted soully to her.

When did she fall so hard?

"I can't.. anymore.." Her voice was filled with pain and her chest started to ail as she uttered the words like a breathless whisper.
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi could almost feel his heart lodge in his throat when she began to slid on the wall – his beautiful queen, falling apart at the seams. Why was she so tired? Was it the illness still eating away at her? His whole body tensed, ready to launch himself over and save her – but he was frozen. Was it his place to save her? Was it ever his place? He felt his chest clench. God, did he even have a right to her anymore? Her bodyguard were tense too and he almost felt angry when she shrugged them off.

She couldn't be foolish enough to travel out into the rogue lands on her own? At night? In her weakened state? Was she trying to be killed? Ugh! He wanted to yell at her- remind her how many people loved her, and would be heartbroken if she was hurt. How could she be so selfish? She was moving out of the pride, and he felt himself begin to follow – almost without conscious thought. He had to protect her. Maybe it wasn't right, maybe it wasn't his place, but he had to. God help him, he couldn't see her hurt. Though she appeared to be limping, she didn't seem dangerously hurt, though the urge to soothe the ache for her was there, clawing at his chest until it hurt to breathe.

He followed behind her, only occasionally losing track of her. He stayed back far enough that she should not see him, but perhaps it was merely a sign of her tiredness that she didn't see him at all. Soon though, he did not have to follow her. He knew where she was going/.

Did she remember the significance? God, he hoped so. He froze, not far from her, when she laid herself just outside of their den. It was their den. Perhaps it was one of the few things in their world that was actually theirs still. He crept closer as she began to speak, trying to stay quiet so she would not hear him and stop. This might be the most honest words he heard from her, without the facade of the Boss Lady firmly in place and her duties weighing on her shoulders.

He almost wanted to cry when she spoke, and when her voice became nothing more than a whisper, he gave a sorrowful smile. She can't. He couldn't. Why were they doing this?

“I never blamed you,” Dysi spoke, his voice husky with emotions, giving himself away in more ways than one. He moved closer, showing himself in the darkness. “I can't blame you. I love you too much to blame you.” He blinked, his eyes glistening. Perhaps it was weakness, but she needed to see this. See that it hurt, but he could do this. “I blame me. I don't want to hurt you anymore, love.” He stared at their den, claws clenching in the dirt. “Never say you're sorry for finding what you needed – it just turns out that what you needed wasn't me.” She wanted safety – she wanted love. He could have given her his love, wholeheartedly, but he could never have given her safety. She wanted a home, and all he could give her was wandering paws and a den that was only hers for so many nights.

He wanted to hate Nanashi for offering her everything Dysi couldn't, but he couldn't. Nyoka deserved what Nanashi offered her, and so much more. Tears slipped down his furred cheeks, and he dipped his head in sorrow. Was he really saying goodbye? To her? To his love?

No.

He was saying 'move on' to her, even when he knew he couldn't take his own advice.  

[Chi Sohma]

Velveteen Angel

She couldn't help but feel defeated at the thought that forever she will never have.. the one she was so obsessed with- so addicted to- who put color in her world.. She knew this. Why was she trying to hold on? The first instance she heard he had brought cubs with him.. made her tense up at the memory.. But unlike anyone could do to her- unlike she did with anyone. She accepted the cubs as if they were her own. They were family... How did the time pass when things got so out of hand that it drowned her of even the thought of Dysi.. but still. She owed it to both her loves to clear out the air..

For when Dysi spoke up- she couldn't even believe it. The disbelief in wanting to think he would always be there.. the coming and goings had her with disillusions of him. But the dept of his voice- made her turn her head. Not to look at him.. but to feel him. Closing her eyes to absorb the moment when the thick scent of him really being there came to her nose.. It knotted up her throat.

"I once..did." The sigh in her voice.. "I once needed you to.. survive another day, to love me.. touch me. Need me.." The heart did grow further not fonder. "At one time..I did need you.. but..Just can't take it anymore..." Almost finishing her link to him, lifting her body up as she turned to him with a paw slightly raised off the ground by maybe an inch because of the injury. "I thought that we were stronger but I asked myself why.." A light grunt happened without her knowing at the moment she moved. Lifting in to a sitting position..

"Has that faded... I asked myself." Her jaw locked up as tears started to form but not fall. "I found myself holding on so hard..." For what? Now that it seemed like everything was wasting away. "I owe it to you." Finally looking up at him with those sorrowful eyes. "-Love..I don't want to let go but it hurts so much.." Her voice literately was breaking as she spoke. "I hate this part... I can't.. do this any longer.. " A tear or two seemed to fall on the ground with such pure emotion.. but reluctant to acknowledge the weakened state- the toll is had on her. When she found out how much it was hurting him ( Nanashi ).. it broke her and finally she knew. She didn't think- she knew.. she loved him and it now hurt her to leave him.. The feeling without that warmth he gave her unconditionally. The feeling of the love that un solo es lo prohibido.