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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:19 am
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Weather: Dry and sweltering. Location: Biti's den.
Amara's White tail swung swiftly from side-to-side behind her as she walked, keeping pace with her thoughts. She had left Pôntàn behind in a good, shady spot, and he would probably be alright for now, but it still unnerved her to leave him at a time like this. What if something happened, and she wasn't there...?
On the other hand, she really did have to get away for a while. The frustration was almost too much to handle. Her first and so far only cub was sick. Whether he would pull through it or not was completely out of her power. There was nothing she could do, except watch and wait, and quite frankly, it was getting to the point where she felt as though a whole termite hill had moved in under her skin.
She needed to get away before her frustration turned into anger, and she risked started taking it out on her poor, sick cub.
Amara shook her head and looked up, realising that her paws were leading her in the direction of Biti's den, and nodded to herself. She needed a distraction of some sort, and talking to Biti was usually interesting. Besides, as a mother herself, maybe she would be able to understand this frustration that kept wringing Amara's insides.
"Biti?" Amara called out softly. "Are you here?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:50 pm
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Amara's smile twisted into something a lot less happy for a moment when Biti mentioned her cub, and when she recovered it it had lost some of its genuine-ness.
"Ah, I'm fine," she replied, clearing her throat a bit as her smile slowly faded away again. "Pôntàn is... a strong boy. He's not feeling very well, to be honest, but I'm sure he will be alright." She came to a stop in front of her friend, but her cream-coloured eyes seemed glued to the ground for a moment, while she gathered herself to present a more believable smile.
"How are you and yours?" She said, lifting her head to look into the other female's eyes. "I hear none of your cubs seem affected yet." Amara suddenly had to fight down something sharp from rising in her throat, something that surprised even herself. Jealousy? "That must be such a relief, right now." She made sure her smile never faltered. What would be the use of getting upset at Biti? She didn't even have a logical reason for it.
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 11:07 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:04 am
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When Biti's voice began to crack up, Amara felt her own throat constrict in sympathy. So what if Biti was the lucky one? The last thing Amara ever wanted to see happen would be for Biti's lovely little girls - for any of Biti's children - to have to suffer. That wouldn't make Pôntàn any better, either.
She heaved a small, shaky sigh and walked even closer to her friend, to touch the red lioness' head with her own.
"I know," she murmured, unable to keep her own voice from cracking. "Me too. We don't know how or when it strikes, and Pôntàn is so sick... I can't stand it. I can't stand this uncertainty. And... and I... I don't want to lose him. Not now. He's so young. He's so small."
Without even meaning to, she had poured her heart out to her red friend. It was embarrassing, really - she didn't like the sound of her own voice when it sounded weak like this. Before she had become a mother, she would never have lost herself to irrational fear and frustrations like this.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:02 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:37 pm
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Amara's breaths were shaky, but she did her best to pull herself together. It wouldn't do to fall apart all over Biti, not over something like this, and certainly not while her friend was being such a dear. It wouldn't do to be a burden. Not at a time like this. She looked up at the red lioness with a shaky smile.
"Thank you, Biti. I really want to believe that."
It was funny, but she really did. Amara had always hoped she would be a mother, but in her mind it had always seemed like a duty or an accomplishment, something that she should do for the sake of her pride, rather than for herself, and she had certainly not expected herself to get so involved, much less for a male cub who wouldn't be contributing anything to the pride in the future. She sat down and heaved an unsteady sigh.
"I don't even know why I let it get to me so much. I mean, it's not like there is anything I can actually do to... to change anything. It's out of my paws, you know? Why can't I just accept that and be calm? I know he's no better off for my worrying and fidgeting... It's terrible, Biti, sometimes I am so close to yelling at him or... or... I don't know. I know it's not his fault that he is sick and I just... I'm a terrible mother!"
This 'pulling herself together' -thing wasn't working out very well. Amara's ears were so low, they were practically flat against her skull, and her tail swished with embarrassment behind her.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:37 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 6:39 am
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Amara glanced up at her friend, still feeling pretty miserable, but somehow just a little bit lighter at heart.
"Really?" She asked, studying her friend's face. "You feel that way sometimes, too?" Somehow, she couldn't imagine Biti yelling at her children for no good reason. But the red lioness had said it was normal, to feel this frustration. Her tail stilled and curled itself around her paws, only the tip continuing to move thoughtfully.
"I... I don't know how, but I feel a bit more calm now." She smiled, a little more genuinely than before. "It really does help to have someone to talk to, I guess. Thank you for listening. You're a good friend. And I'm sorry for... for freaking out like this." She sighed. "I just wish there was something I could DO, besides waiting and watching and hoping. If there was any more water, perhaps I could make him drink more and... wash the sickness out of him." She laughed tiredly and shook her head at herself. "Silly thought, right? But I can't let it go."
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:21 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:21 pm
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"Oh, no," Amara shook her head decisively at her friend's generous offer. "I couldn't possibly let you... No, I... I couldn't handle it if you were to catch this disease from him, or it would somehow get around to your cubs. No. Thank you, but no."
The white lioness felt her paws grow cold in spite of the permeating heat all around. With that in mind... should she even be here? What if the disease somehow clung to her, from her close contacts with Pôntàn? What if... what if she was putting Biti's children at risk, right now?
Trying to hide her sudden trepidation behind a smile, Amara rose and backed a few steps away from Biti. "Um... actually, I... I should probably go and check up on him now." She made a sound that at least approximated a breathy laugh and tried to make it seem more genuine by tilting her head slightly to the side. "You know, I'm getting nervous about him again. Can't leave him all by himself for too long!"
She turned, but hesitated, and turned back over her shoulder, giving Biti a look of genuine gratitude. "But really, thank you. You're a good friend."
Then she walked away, as much hurrying towards the place where she needed to be, as hurrying away from the risk of causing harm to that same, good friend.
Even though now she was worried for a whole different reason.
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