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 Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 11:05 am
Flashing sword
Hair of flame
Scar of tragedy old
Heart of love
Protect the weak
Wander everywhere and nowhere
Will find true love someday
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Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 8:16 am
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:33 am
It has a good flow, but it does need something.... like more lines. I'd suggest expanding it to a point that it makes a little more sense. With just the lines you've given us, it seems incomplete, like you're keeping the rest of the poem from us. But that's what I think.
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:04 pm
It's...short. Not like haiku short, but like blueballs short. Pardon my very graphic analogy, but it leaves me very unsatisfied. I want to know more about this character, his future and past. Give me more. On the 10 scale, I give it a 5.
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:52 am
They're right, it does feel very, stiff.
It's rather like you where trying to follow a form, but I don't know which one.
Or maybe we're just looking at it out of context?
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