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 Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:04 pm
Alone
xFyRe
Purity once had a name,
And beauty once had a face.
Life once had a meaning,
And once I was safe.
Once there was freedom,
And once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive,
And once I had another half.
Once I shared her love,
Once I was by her side,
Once I felt I fitted,
So quickly that died.
Her grace so great,
Her beauty so vast,
All I ever wanted,
Was for it to last.
Fate maybe had another plan,
Or maybe she had another love,
But it all fell apart,
The hand too big for the glove.
Now it's all died away,
Happiness, joy, love; all memories.
Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world,
With no light to guide my way.
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Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 1:53 pm
xFyRe Alone
xFyRePurity once had a name, And beauty once had a face. Life once had a meaning, And once I was safe. Once there was freedom, And once I could laugh. Happiness once was alive, And once I had another half. Once I shared her love, Once I was by her side, Once I felt I fitted, So quickly that died. Her grace so great, Her beauty so vast, All I ever wanted, Was for it to last. Fate maybe had another plan, Or maybe she had another love, But it all fell apart, The hand too big for the glove. Now it's all died away, Happiness, joy, love; all memories. Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world, With no light to guide my way. I love it! ^_^
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 6:58 pm
I luff it. Makes me sad, but i luff sad things. heart sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:22 pm
Well written. You kept it simple, which is always nice to see once in awhile.
Purity once had a name,
And beauty once had a face.
Life once had a meaning,
And once I was safe.
Once there was freedom,
And once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive,
And once I had another half.
Once I shared her love,
Once I was by her side,
Once I felt I fitted,
I like this part in particular. All the metaphors you used to compare her and the love you felt.
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:27 am
xFyRe Fate maybe had another plan, Or maybe she had another love, But it all fell apart, The hand too big for the glove. Now it's all died away, Happiness, joy, love; all memories. Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world, With no light to guide my way. I take this as a metaphor for life. This is one of the few poems that I've read and didn't have to take apart... that's saying a lot coming from me. Nice work!
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:07 pm
The rhyme scheme in the last four lines was a little bit bizzare...you went from going:
A
X
A
X
to:
A
X
X
A
Nothing that serious, it just blindisded me. I had to reread the last few lines to make sure I read them right. Aside from that, it was beautiful.
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:56 pm
I really like it! Very beautiful and expressive.
Now for being nitpicky? sweatdrop
The fourth, eighth, and the nineteenth line were off in meter to me, no matter how I read it. (See? I told you! I'm being nitpicky. sweatdrop sweatdrop )
For line 17, I suggest you change it to, "Maybe fate had another plan," because it makes the nineteenth line seem more in rhythm.
[/nitpickiness] sweatdrop I'm not really a poet myself.
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:04 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:10 am
It was very, very nice.
(Get ready for the but)
But maybe you should only have one dark in the second to last line.
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