Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thank you! I'll do my best trying to explain and not be too long.
I recently started to try to get into Christianity, with my help of my aunt.
I just moved near her with my husband, who is in the Navy.

I've had a lot of tragic events that happened to me in my past but recently (about 2 months ago) a certain event happened that really pushed me over the edge.

I've been with my husband for 2 years, and for most of those 2 years he was away from me due to his job. We maintained a long distant relationship. I always had been kind of skeptical about it, but near the last month before I was able to move in with him, across the country, we almost broke up. This was last July. We went through a series of arguments and he lied to me numerous times and took a female coworker out on a date. That day, he ignored me till he went to bed. On that following day we patched up our issues but he was very distant from me. He lied once again saying he was going to a little party with his room mates. After that (about a month later) I moved in with him and we got married in October. The female had messaged me saying she and him made out, and that he said he didn't know about our relationship. She said he was intoxicated.

Before telling him about the message I managed to finally get it out of him. He got drunk that night and had cheated on me. He passed out on his bed and this female started kissing him. According to him, he snapped out of it before it got too far and kicked her out. Both say they didn't do anything further than that.

We were married 4 months when he finally told me about this night in which I always had a gut feeling about. He says he feels bad and that he's glad I found out about it.


The last 2 months for me have been difficult and I find myself crying while I'm alone. I don't have any trust, and I do not have any confidence that we will work out. He insists that prior to that day he never cheated..and that he messed up bad.

He doesn't drink and I've never known him in my 10 years of being his friend priors to dating, as a cheater, or drunk. He says since the day we were married that even though he's felt bad about his mistake, that he hasn't been unfaithful and that he did nothing before this incident. I never thought this would happen.

I feel so miserable with my life right now,. Because I am still so in love with my husband. But I am badly hurt by this. My aunt (who is a christian) tells me that he should be forgiven because we weren't even engaged at the time, and that he was taken advantage of. She made me promise that I would never speak of that problem again and that jesus will help me.


My husband and I have gradually started going to church, and we pray together about this problem. But today I am alone, and my aunt isn't around at the moment. I find myself having 'Triggers" about the problem. I'll be alone..then I'll think about him and this other woman.


I need help. I don't know if it's wrong that I never thought about praying or Christianity until this problem. I tried looking at the issue from every point of view and I feel like if I can look at it through a christ-like point of view that I'd be better off.

What do I do? I feel a bit of hatred towards my husband and it's taken it's toll on me. Our relationship is suffering in my eyes on all levels while he thinks everything is okay. I talk to him about this almost everyday and we pray but when I am alone I feel like my throat has a lump and I just want to cry.