Well honestly she wasn't getting any younger. True, she was still at her peak, in her prime, a vivacious young thing, but it couldn't last forever, wouldn't last forever. And when she'd been young she'd been content to roam and always move forward. Never looking back or staying still, that she'd chosen to settle in a pride should have been a sign enough. Of course, stubborn as she was, she'd ignored it. That her paws had stopped itching meant very little to her. For a while, at least. Now though...well. Things were different.
The tri-colored lioness sighed and let herself roll onto her side, staring out at the shimmering dunes from the cool dark of her den. Stupid. She was utterly stupid. She couldn't stop thinking about him, and his dumb face, and his stupid silence, and his dull-as-rocks personality.
And how her den felt achingly empty, and how warm his (idiotic) thick fur must be when the night came, dark and freezing cold.
Another sigh and she threw a paw to drape over her eyes. It blocked out the view of the open flat sandy expanse but not the racing of her thoughts or the subtle thudding of her heart that seemed to fill the den. She was just so stupid. On some level she knew this had to be hormonal. She was certainly old enough to have a family, and she had nothing against settling down with a male, the right male. But then, when she'd pictured her future family before it'd never come with the lingering distress that came from suffering unrequited interest. She'd had crushes before, and every time she'd promised herself that when the time came to woo she'd be sensible about it. Alas, the spirit was willing, but the flesh weak. Or perhaps the other way around?
Or maybe it was the heat. The pride was flourishing after the rains, but the heat seemed hotter again now, and the nights colder. Her den had gotten a thick covering of sand along the stone floor too from the last sandstorm, and it was making her fur itch. She should clean. Distract herself. Or maybe go and try to find some prey that thought it would be safe, out in the noon day heat when the lions normally dozed. Eh. No. It was miserable out in that heat, and she knew it wouldn't make her feel any better. Maybe if she knew for certain she'd be able to catch and kill a critter...
She growled a complaint and dragged her bulk further into the den, flopping back down to face away from the entrance.
The day whiled away much faster once the lioness dropped off into fitful sleep. Of course her dreams where much in the same vein of her waking, tumultuous thoughts. Vast empty dens, being trapped outside a group of lions forever, and no matter how she shouted they would or could not notice her. She did not wake rested, but at least the heat of the day had waned. Now at least she was comfortable enough to get some work done.
With a grunt she hauled herself up and began to work at the lumpy mounds of sand that had spilled down into the den. With her rear end facing out of the earth and stone entrance she began to dig, kicking and scooping out what sand she could manage. After long enough it'd be clean out just from getting trapped in her fur and carried out, but the sooner the better, and the work kept her from thinking too hard. Something about the rhythmic sound of the sand rustling as it flew in clouds out of the den was soothing as well. The work too was probably good for distracting her, but she was a bit too cranky to really benefit from it, and the work too light. It took perhaps an hour or two to clear enough of the sand to make her feel satisfied. The trouble with the tiny grains (as well as only having paws to work with, though that did not occur to her) was their tendency to slide back down into the sunken den. Perhaps one day she'd end up in a den that sloped UP, not down. That'd be nice.
She wondered what style of den he ha- no, no. Damn. She'd nearly cleared all thoughts of THAT from her mind, and now it was back in force. Well gods damn her too then. She dropped to her haunches with a sigh, mumbling a half-friendly hullo to another passing lion. Evening roused most of the pride from their dens and soon enough the place would be buzzing with activity. She wondered if he'd be back from his duties. She wondered if he'd even take this path through the pride's lands. She wondered if he'd notice her. She hoped he'd take a moment to even say hello. Probably not. She hadn't seen him in days. For a time they'd been rather close, even, right after she'd joined the pride. He'd shown her everything, explaining this or that in his dull (quiet) and bland (steady) way. He'd never been excitable, but his love for this place had been obvious, and come through in his short but meaningful comments about this or that.
And then of course duty had kept them apart. She had things to learn, he had duties to the pride. They were busy, and content to be busy and apart. Or at least he was. She had been. But how many glances had she stolen when he wasn't looking? Did he ever look back? She'd never noticed him even looking her way since then.
Ah well. Better to harden her heart and turn her focus to those more friendly lions who might perhaps prove to be worth her time. She rose and turned to go (to the watering hole? Maybe. There would be lions there to chat and mingle with a while...) but nearly collided with a white and black wall of fur.
Up, up, up she looked.
Sky blue eyes. A hare clamped between strong, scowling jaws. It fell with a thud, and he spoke.
"...I've been thinking lately."
[Words: 1035]
