I'll number the poems so, please number your critiques according to which poem you're critiquing. Thanks!
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1. War
Women and children
Innocent done nothing wrong
Killed for that reason
2. In it for the Oil
Women and children
walk down the street
veils on their heads
shoes on their feet
Afraid of what might happen
fear is on their faces
bombs are falling everywhere
in tons of different places
At home in America
we let our kids go play
we don't care what happens to them
tomorrow or today
And the country that started this war
this frightening toil
was only in it to gain
in it for the oil
3. Elements
Rocks, they can be jagged
Usually very sharp
Water’s always flowing
Like the music of a harp
Fire destroys all things in it’s path
With temperatures very hot
Wood is very strong
Stronger than a knot
Earth is the ground we walk on
Home to the trees
Metal is strong but
When heated moves with ease
The air and clouds are in the sky
Protecting us from the sun
The sun is up there with those clouds
Shining down on everyone
4.Love is...
Love is a river
Always flowing; never stops
Unless plugged by hate
5. Why Oh Why
You broke my heart
But why oh why
Why the hell
Did you make me cry
I know that we’re through
It didn’t work out
But why oh why
Did you scream and shout
I know we don’t feel
The same you don’t feel how
I feel but why oh why
Did you make a big deal
6. My Dear Love
My dear love
So very true
My dear love
You are through and through
My dear love
‘Twas me you did woo
My dear love
My heart willed to you
7. The Ballad of Leila
There once was a girl named Leila
With blue eyes tinted green
This was no ordinary Indian girl
She sought out new worlds unseen
This girl, Leila was very rich
She was very well dressed
Her hair was always perfect
Her room never messed
Leila was very curious
She had never been poor
So when she heard about a ship to America
And people being poor she stepped out the door
Her family disagreed
They told her “Please Stay”
But she ignored their words of wisdom
And she went on her way
Life on the ship was very hard
For Leila almost unbearable
The food sucked; the crew was rude
And all the nights were tearable
Eight months past
A second before
They wanted to give up
But they sighted shore
This new world was weird
Something Leila had never seen before
Her mind went wild
As she stepped up on the shore
The people of the new world were nice
Even when Leila was stressed
Leila couldn’t stop herself from saying
"God has made me blessed"
Leila liked the new world
So she thought to herself and said
I think I might live here
Till the day that I’m dead
She followed her word
And this she did do
Leila lived in America
Till the old age of eighty-two
Gaian Grammar Guild
The Gaian Grammar Guild is a refuge for the literate, a place for them to post and read posts without worrying about the nonsensical ones.
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