I've always wanted an honest opinion on my poetry. Asking my friends, family and teachers... Well, I just can't tell if what they say is honest, or if they are just trying to be nice. I would love to have some honest critique on my poetry... to know, if someday I could make it somewhere, or if I at least have some sort of potential. Thank-you!
Bleeding Fiesta in a Snowy Haven
The only shame is shame itself
A flake of snow won't cry before it melts
But it's beauty may entangle with our awe
Making bodies cold and raw
A tranquil runway icy and clear
Leads to the point where angels fear
Gaze and dangle at the edge
White lights shining upon your dance
A possible grave may lay ahead
Snowfall covers the smell of death
Please try and contain your strangled breathing
The moment you die will be a fiesta of bleeding
Scarlet in my haven of snow
is my pleasure, is my home
Cold and death will wed tonight
And death shall claw out the eyes of it's bride.
Dance and dangle off the edge
Snowfall shall cover the smell of death.
----
Twisted Angel
A bloodless image with a twisted view
Glossy eyes that trailed softly after you
Emerged directly to the sky
Feeling trapped, feeling deprived.
An empty daze, certainly dark
Waiting silently for a shooting star
Heavenly dreamer please be sincere,
is happiness truly your biggest fear?
Do you deny the joy of your pain?
Looking into a mirror that reflects insane.
Speak to me now if you're not too terrified
Has the sanity you once had finally died?
You sit there chained with a twisted grin
Every word and movement twisted within.
You scorn the God you claim to have never had
You wander on so frail and sad.
If only you could lift your hands and pray,
God would save you here, today.
A bloodless image with a twisted view,
Glossy eyes will now cry for you.
-------------------------------------------
Gaian Grammar Guild
The Gaian Grammar Guild is a refuge for the literate, a place for them to post and read posts without worrying about the nonsensical ones.
