I can't seem to get myself to enjoy this piece. Don't get me wrong; this piece you have could be great... just, at it's current state - it needs some work. It could have great flow, if it did not feel so abridged. Short. ... Some poems work as short pieces; I think this one would be much better given some length. Your rhyme scheme works; it's that sort of repetition that makes one want to keep reading; but when one gets to the end... it just leaves you wanting something more.
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It was ok. I think you used ground, around, sound, and found a little too much. I mean it was basicly repeating the same thing over. So you did very well with coming up with fore words that rhyme.
A lot of poems use repetition of vowels and sounds. You may just not notice them as much. With this piece it's quite visibly seen in the words. But repeating something isn't always bad. Just keep that in mind. Poetry is too free to be confined to some constricting setup.
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