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 Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:45 pm
My Dinner’s Vengeance
Tony Davis
A pain in my gut
As a serrated blade twisting
Gasping for air
And rushing for
My porcelain nurse
To end my discomfort
It fades away as the porcelain nurse
Takes my burden away
The nurse screams, cracks
As my burden returns
To take retribution upon me
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:14 pm
Okay, good poem, but if I got the imagery correctly... EEEEWW...
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:03 am
Well that was... umm...LOVELY... sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 7:35 am
I didn't really like this one. I wasn't sure whether you meant it to be serious or light hearted, I couldn't find a steady flow, and I personally prefer rhyming poetry.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:02 am
Not all poems have to rhyme. I admit, they sound better, but some things are best said the way they are.
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:21 pm
I know that not all poems have to rhyme. That phrase is so overused. I prefer poems to rhyme - yes they dont have to - but personally I prefer them if they do.
It makes them more pleasing to me. Some poems are good without having rhymes, I just tend to enjoy the ones that do.
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 7:11 pm
... ew, now I'm getting images... good poem though.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:52 am
Well, I suppose you achieved showing us the... umm... VIVID descriptions that are in your poem, but... yeah... gross... sweatdrop
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