Born of Boredom

[Lady Pica]

I was reading the poem "12 O'Clock News," by Elizabeth Bishop, and found myself going along with it. So here's the game part- find a common everyday object and describe it like it was an object in the news. Have fun!

12 O'Clock News

globe

There have been reports of a new planet appearing behind a ring of flat asteroids on the outer corners of space! While the new planet seems to have a surface much like Earth's, it's population remains unknown. Scientists are proposing sending Gucci, the astronaut squirrel, at the soonest possible date.  

[ShyBFly]

Ok, I'll play. whee

Pencil

Breaking News: We have just been informed that a box of sharpened pencils were erroneously sold at a local school supply store. Again, the tips of these pencils are sharpened. If you see any of these pencils, back away slowly and call 911. We've been told that there is now a special team of police that are trained in the proper handling of sharpened objects. If anyone gets too close and gets poked by the sharp lead, call this number for the poison center.

These are dangerous times we live in.  

[Cherished Strawberries]

Ha ha! This sounds fun. Let me try.

Book

We've just received groundbreaking news. An archaeologist in Northern Ireland has just sent back a few samples from a excavated cave. The cave itself was odd; it was perfectly square, with a level floor and ceiling, with carved pillars, seemingly to support the ceiling. Some of the world's most billiant scientists have been studying the box-like samples sent back for the past ten hours. They report that they are covered in strange runes, and encased in either some sort of thick paper or soft wood material. They are debating, even as I speak, whether or not they should attempt to see if there is anything inside the strange boxes. Several say that they might damage the precious material, while others argue that the boxes may contain some clue about our world's past. No word yet on what the scientists will decide. Stay tuned for further developments.  

[silentsouless]

alligator
"A lady has three alligators tied to her wist... don't ask."  

[The Dark God of Coffee]

This sounds kinda funny-ish. So, I'll grace you with a try.

DVD player

In other news, a man was killed today by a DVD player. Apparently the DVD "Platoon" ,starring Charlie Sheen, was launced out of the DVD player at approximately 80 miles per hour, slicing 15 year old,Tyrell Joyners, throat. Police are not sure if this was a factory error or murder. Just to be safe the company has put a recall on all of the DVD players in the populace currently. See www.tysnews.com for more information. Have a nice day.  

[Doppelgaanger]

Calendars

Tonight, calendars everywhere were recalled, with thousands of people complaining that it was the middle of summer, not December 21st. Whiile, the calendars were recalled, the money was not returned, so now riots have started in the streets. Police are trying to contain the violence, but to no avail. We'll keep you updated.  

[RainnDropz]

»♥
Ha ha. I'll give it a try.

Computer.

Breaking News: There have been many reports that there has been computers falling out of the sky! Many people have been injured from the falling computers. Astronauts have been discovering a big, black ship with a skull on it, dropping the computers. Stay tuned for more after this.
 

[Doppelgaanger]

Toilet paper rolls.

We have an strange story for you tonight, strange and horrific. Terrorists are roaming the streets! Now, don't freak out, because, they're only throwing rolls of toilet paper! Yes, I know you must be thinking, "Huh?" but believe me, this is no laughing matter... If you are laughing at all... Ah, screw it! Unless you're randomly allergic to toilet paper, go about your business as usual. That is all.  

[[yin~yang]]

Flu:

"Our top story: today, the scientists of the UN have released some highly toxic chemical in the world that brings about flu-like symptoms, but you die after half a day. The scientists could not be reached for comment, because they had been exposed to it and died. In fact, we are getting news now that the whole building of this newscast has been infected with it, and are scheduled to die-"  

[Doppelgaanger]

-as ghost- (=P)

BOOKS
Apparently, the same scientists that created the chemical also created ANOTHER strange chemical, which brings things to life. Apparently, a bookshelf full of science textbooks had been knocked into this stuff, and are now roaming the streets, looking for people to spill poisonous knowledge into. This knowledge will make the victim's brain grow so much, that it will explode. God. The streets are so busy today...  

[Venat the Undying]

bread

On todays news, one man discovered that the French are trying to take over America by spying on us by putting spy devices in French Bread! more later . . .  

[omiyashi0]

Aluminum--

It's been discovered that deep, deep underground, a massive amount of aluminum has been found. The aluminum seems to be in the form of some monster... Of course this could just be some weird shaped aluminum deposit. But do you want to risk it being an actual monster hell-bent on enslaving all of humanity? RUN PEOPLE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!  

[PornYesterday]

Remote Control.
Twenty four hours ago, a remote control went missing from a couch at the home of Denzel Washington. Sources say, a young, naked man was spotted running from the scene of the crime, a suspicious looking item dangling from his rectum. Police believe the man had resorted to hiding the remote control in his rectum and Denzel Washington has announced a reward for any information on this man and the whereabouts of his remote control. The remote control was a gift from Spike Lee after the filming of Inside Man.  

[Shikaeii]

MP3

BREAKING NEWS!

Yes, the mad scientists have done it again. First it was the pitch black box that contained at least a whole load of people for everyone to see, that terrified everyone who saw, now it is a machine that holds... not people, but songs! All you have to do is press the button, and let the machine do the rest. The scientists describe this device as 'a truly amazing revolution for teenagers'. In order to listen to the songs captured inside this, our tester here is trying on these 'earphones', a string that holds two plug-shaped hearing devices... we will display the results after the break.

Whoah, that's long mrgreen  

[Silvermaiden]

I got a funny one...

Vacuum cleaner


THIS JUST IN!! We just recieved word that local farmer, Martha James, was found in dire straits today after calling the police to her home. Martha claimed to have returned from shopping that night to find her husband, Jonas James, laying on the floor with a vacuum cleaner stuck down his pants and the machine on, with Jonas unconscious on the floor.
The two local dairy farmers were taken to the hospital where Martha was treated for shock and Jonas was treated for a concussion due to a blow to the back of his head, as well as treatment of the severe swelling to his netheregions from the vacuum. Local police are debating that this is possibly the work of an assailant, rather than an accident. The only clues present leading to this assumption are hoofprints leading in and out of the house where Jonas was found, and a message taped to one of the farm's milking machines which read "Let's see how YOU like it". Presently, the police have no other leads and are questioning all other farmers in the area. More on this story as it develops.