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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:38 am
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OK. Here are a few poems of mine. Critique them, and tell me what you think.
Pluto and Neptune
Pluto spins her untrusting sphere The blue Neptune watches ever near Sad that he could never speak To the woman spinning in her keep
For he did try spinning her way But in one spot, she could not stay The moment he would come near She would suddenly disappear
So now he spins, sits and waits For the lonely girl to open her gates So he could enter ever so slowly And end her days of endless roaming
Love of silver
Sorrow is filled with silver, Tomorrow is filled with silver, Laughter is filled with silver, Acidic tears filled with silver!
This world we live in is silver, Flesh eating piranhas of silver! We awake in this world of silver, Blood thirsty slugs of silver!
We’ll suck on your brain of silver, Your brain we will drain of silver, We’ll cackle hellishly silver, This world we will reign in silver!
We’ll use our chains of silver, We’ll whip you in ways of silver, You’ll learn our ways of silver, Cry acidic tears of silver!
Your sorrow writhes in silver, I’ll laugh at your terror of silver, You’ll mourn to me in silver, I’ll whisper my love to you in silver.
I’ll burlesque your hate in silver, I’ll imitate your struggle in silver, If you mate with me in silver, I’ll hesitate to kill you in silver!
Colored Love She’s in yellow He’s in green She whispers “Never” He gives her a ring “I’ll win you over” Smiling, she disagrees
She’s in pink He’s in white She whispers “I do” He stands by her side “I do, too” Gladly, she begins to cry
She’s in blue He’s in black She whispers “I’m sorry” He casts her aside “I’ll never forgive you” Sadly, she begins to cry
She’s in black He’s in red She whispers “I loved you” He blankly stares And no longer stands As the gun drops from her guilty hands
The Battlefield
Beware, ants, for I have come! I’m your worst nightmare! I turn over the cup of swamp water And watch the water lift you up As I run for more
In the evil battlefield, I run for my ammo When in comes a brand new species I’ve never seen before It holds new torture victims It spoke in odd tongues to me
“Play Barbie with me!” It whined “I do not speak your language, evil monster! But thanks for the new victims!” I snatch the victims from her hand In shock she cries out, “Johnny stop it!”
“Whatever THAT means,” I say and run off evilly To find more flood water Oh! I have an idea! And run back to the enemies camp Drop my pants and pee. The flood water once again Lifts my enemies! I shrug, my work is finally done! It was water, after all.
I take my new victims and go to the guillotine Before I could announce their crimes Mom yells out, “Johnny, come here!” I lower my head in defeat, The police have finally come. Drat.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:47 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:55 pm
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The Future is Yours to Choose
The clouds hang high Mocking and teasing the world Taking shapes of animals, flowers, And many other things I rip my gaze away from their game of charades
Animals run, frolic, yell, and scream Like children playing tag The birds call out Mothers yelling at their children to return home
The flowers fight in their rivalry Against those evil weeds They argue amongst each other Claiming their perfume to be better, Their petals more beautiful, And their stems more firm. The hectic life of teenagers.
The trees sway, speaking wisely Explaining that beauty isn’t everything These old grandmothers spread wise words Carried hopelessly in the wind In one rose thorn and out the other
Rocks stand firm in their evil quest To persuade a flower to do their evil bidding Which way will the young flower grow? We can only hope it chooses the right path
And we, the gates Who watch and wait We allow the choices to be your own But when your time comes Is it we who choose Were you good?
Perhaps you have earned it Perhaps you will become… The next wise tree Or perhaps not Are you the sleazy snake? Or the stubborn rock--or Do you act a teenage flower? The future is yours to choose
Untame
It was a pleasure to burn And I thank you And now revenge will be bitter sweet
You burned me with a glance I stopped you with a stare As I slowly stepped forward
Close your eyes Say goodbye Hold your breath Taste my kiss The taste of death
Be reborn Ripped and torn A rippling pleasure Sin and more
Close your eyes Wait for a surprise The wrack of pain Pleasure untamed
*The first sentence in Untame was given to me, I had to make a poem out of it.
Insane Mistakes
They think we’re all the same But we think in our own ways While doing our own things Nails rake across my brain; I’ve completely gone insane
But we think in our own ways My brain bleeds in shame; I refuse to take the blame Nails rake across my brain; I’ve completely gone insane You’re doing your own thing
My brain bleeds in shame; I refuse to take the blame I blame all your fame You’re doing your own thing You say “We’ve made mistakes”
They think we’re all the same I blame all your fame You say “We’ve made mistakes” While doing our own things
Life in Wonderland
The rabbit states Life is like a clock You never have enough time And are always running late For a very important date
Alice argues Life is like a play You write out your life Your own way If you make a mistake Make a new line And hope no one will notice
The mad hatter giggles Life is like a party A glass of tea Solves everything Especially with presents And celebrating happy non-birthdays Parties are welcome in my direction
The Cheshire cat grins Life is like a game It takes a hint And a riddle Nobody knows the rules But everyone must play
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:15 am
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WildWildWindWhisperer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:28 am
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Yay more poems by me! Hehe. Ok, Voodoo Slave was made in class for a project.
Voodoo Slave
I clean his headquarters I clean his room Cook his food “I’ll be going, see you soon” Out he walks, I continue with the broom
Dinner time I walk to his room Set down his plate He doesn’t even acknowledge his food
I return to slave quarters Sit on my rock-hard bed Play with my voodoo My African religion rituals swirl within my head
Make him suffer A needle to the knee Scream in pain A needle to the head Until I am free, He’ll be in bed
Eggs and bacon, in his room “Good morning, master” “Going to the doctors, see you soon”
Comes home announces he is fine Doctor said “No problem with your spine” Off to war, he begins to go I await, with my voodoo in his home
I cast my ritual so I can see He cocks the gun, hand on the trigger The needle to his temple, I begin to shiver Push it right through, he buckles and screams The enemies find him, shoot, he bleeds I grab my things…Today, I’m free
Not too crazy about this one, but, creative writing class gives us some assignments that makes us have our moments.
Wretched Pen
Sighing frustrated, She sets down her pen with a ‘clink’ Crumbling her paper, she practically growls Another paper flies I her direction Swoosh, it turns midair and she makes her correction
Creaking in is whiney manner The chair complains as weight is lifted She walks diligently to the paper, She bends down with a groan Rising, she raises her finger toward the paper Giving it something to contemplate on
The paper flops down, hurt As she set it down. She reaches for her pen reluctantly It twists angrily from her grasp Rolls itself to the edge of the desk And like a lemming, it throws itself off the cliff
Home - Sans Regret
Home. Built of stone Made from lovers’ sweat Cuts, bruises, and past regrets
We didn’t have a garden I’ll regret it no more We lacked the childhood swings I’ll regret it no more
Mountain. Where our home will be placed With a beautiful little fountain Which I’ll watch when problems must be faced
We didn’t have the snow I’ll close those regretful doors We didn’t have the river I’ll close those regretful doors
Dog. The pet we never had Someone who will be there When my husband makes me mad Someone else to show I care
Home.
Home to stay. It’s a promise
I’m coming back. Like I promised. Walking through the woods. Exhausted. I’m coming home to stay. It’s a promise It’s hard to see clearly, as my eyelids weigh a ton. They attempt to shut.
Walking through the woods. Exhausted. It is dusk out. Night’s darkness fighting against me. It’s hard to see clearly, as my eyelids weigh a ton. They attempt to shut. I stumble over roots. My feet are leaden weights.
It is dusk out. Night’s darkness fighting against me. Closer now. I grimly attempt to quicken my pace. I stumble over roots. My feet are leaden weights. The path is clearing away. Time teases as she whispers ‘Just another day.’
I’m coming back. Like I promised. Closer now. I grimly attempt to quicken my pace. The path is clearing away. Time teases as she whispers ‘Just another day.’ I’m coming home to stay. It’s a promise.
This one was to prove to someone that I could, indeed, write a sappy poem, if I wanted to. Hmph.
Spelling Phrases
Walking hand in hand Barefoot in the sand Listening to the waves The waters strength displays
The birds call out for food The wind shifts in a happy mood I’m laughing with you Doing what we do
Now I lie awake at night Staring at the starry sky Wondering if you’re thinking of me As you look out at the starry sea
I spell out my lucky phrase To you, where I hope it stays Keep in mind the words “I do” Keep in mind that “I love you”
The next two poems I actually wrote in 2003, when I was having a lot of emotional problems. But I'm all better now, of course. But I'm curious what others think about them. redface
Darkness
Darkness surround me, Darkness inside me, Darkness confide me.
Darkness came to me, Darkness wouldn’t leave me, Darkness joined me.
Together we conjured hatred, We formed suicide, We created betrayal.
We are a team, We are anger, We are evil.
With cheated turmoil, We crushed the weak, Devoured the strong, And kept only those so loyal, That they died along With those we hated.
Shadows
You walk in the shadows, Lonely and cold, With no one to be there, When your young or old.
Your family abandoned you, When you were five, Oh how you missed them. . . Oh how you cried.
But now you are used to it, Being alone, Now your used to Being so cold.
You’re a part of the shadows now, Twisting and turning, Those devil ideas that are always churning.
Your ideas are gruesome, Your actions innumerable, Your never in the same place, Nor wear the same face.
The shadows comfort you, The shadows hide you, The shadows feed you, Heal you and save you,
They never derived you. . . They are the voices. . . That call you and tell you, That created your hatred.
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 8:31 pm
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So I'm directing whoever likes writing poetry to Creative Communications it's for anyone who wants to enter poetry and try to get it published into poetry books. Just a small starter.
Heres something else. It's hard to keep it at a steady rate especially since I was trying to spell out Incubus.UnawareIn the middle of the night Narrowed eyes sparkling with delight Chortling to himself for he had found Under covers a sleeping girl, making no sound Before she could move or even wake, he Undressed her, followed by rape (though) She awoke, never aware, for he had left to his lair. this one is pretty twisted. I was upset for a friend, her boyfriend left her for another girl.The Beginning
ISo we say our goodbyes He turns and leaves I'm all alone now Why did he go I'm not perfect Yes I know But who can say "I am" So he found someone better She smiles and she laughs She walks my way and glares or stares What have I done now She took him from me Took my happiness like a thief So who is she to glare I lay my head on my pillow And they both come to mind I fall deep into sleep And dream my evil dream The Middle
II He walked by, off to work And I smiled to him He looked away with no remorse And I followed his gaze There she was Smiling back at him The pain in my heart I can't start to describe So I caught her alone I ripped her clothes Pulled her hair Tied her and took her home I made her feel my pain Only not in her heart--yet Slowly sliding the razor down her arms Shaving her hair and burning her fingers Oh this was only the beginning I laughed as she cried Did much more before she could die Only this I will not tell But before she was dead I stabbed her heart twice And sliced open her neck Soon after she complied to "rest" The End
III I woke up drenched In what I thought sweat But to my dismay The truth wasn't far away Looking down I found I was kneeling on the floor My arms were a crimson red My razor sat upon the floor Shortly ahead on top of my bed… She laid in my spot Painted red with her own blood The sad thing being I hate to say this…But… She was burned And smelled But that was not all That was all I saw Until I took a step forward That's when it hit This girl; this b***h Was cut in tiny pieces How sick was I? To cut her before she died And place her back together And all I was--was surprised Uhm, I'll stop explaining why I wrote poems.Guilty BlameThe story always turns around It always seems the same The guy is the one who ******** about The girls are driven insane And when they think about what was done They always think the same way Somehow in the end It is us we learn to blame All is LostWhat depicts depression? And when I’m lost, who will find me? If I reach out, will you find me? If all is lost, can it be found? Because I am lost, and all is lost. When blue turns to grey Is all lost? When I cry out your name and hear no response Is all lost? I am lost, will I be found? If I fall, will you catch me? Is all lost? Am I lost? Where am I? I am here, but all is gone. If all is gone, is all lost? I am lost. I reach out, but all is lost. All is lost. All is gone. I am lost. You are gone. Lost. SadomasochismThe water sways Slow in her dance The sand follows behind Caught in the seducers trail She beckons Wind blows He’s caught He groans The water plays Danger in her own games He’s in without doubt And has no way to get out She pulls His strings He falls He pleads She’s a b***h A major tease She pushes men away Just to wrap them in her waves And when he feels her push He comes running back He found lust in a rush From the sea, and she’s a wack He’s masochistic She’s rather sadistic But he could only take so much more That’s when she found him dead upon the floor
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WildWildWindWhisperer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 7:38 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:35 pm
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Hey guys! Heres a few more of my poems. They are new, and just like most new poems, are in need of 100 rough drafts. Give me criticism!
Champions
We are champions Out from the calling Giving our all Fighting, not falling We are champions Fighting old wars We end what you started Make you grovel on all fours We are champions Bragging’s our right We tend to defend When you start a fight We are champions Defending our lands You’ll turn and flee We’ll always be free We are champions No more to say You’ll always try To lead us astray
Living Purple Eyes open, a thoughtful process Sighing silently, feeling quite depressed and purple Attempting to think of anything But… She smiled to me, laughing and talking Never would I have expected… With her lies that dripped beautifully purple And I, gullibly, with my childish dreams, Believed. Not once did I see the swirl in her eyes Nor did I recognize the purple tinted fibs fed to me Like a virus entering my mind, Settled within. And she spun her web that glittered in purple Ready to strike me with her vicious venom I was never aware of her truculent plans. Finally. She opened her mouth, her words slithering out She finally showed me her true colors With her purple snake tongue that whispered sweet lies Prickly pear sweet. My heart stopped for a moment and fell to the floor As my eyesight was consumed by shades of purple And I let the color of fury embrace me
For once in her life she recognized fear As the purple drained from her pale face and eyes Never has there been a person filled with such violent anger
Vision is lost forever in fury Living life giving demons nightmares Fighting for sanity but busy losing my mind
Struggling unsucceeding but knowing I'm not too lost, but fallen apart An Egyptian pyramid, one brick at a time
Built around a life of purple
Professor Time
When you are a child, you wish that you could fly To be an adult, eyeing Clock When an adult, you are weary. Wishing to be young No matter, you try to stop it, you grow old All throughout life, we hate Time Making new, thinking of old…our Memory
When older, our only friend is: Memory We remember times we learned to fly Our worst enemy, killing us slowly: Time Knowing end is closer…Every tick from Clock Eventually, we surrender: We are old And only wish to believe we are young
So short is the length which we are young We try “do”s and “don’t”s, tattooed into memory Our lessons left on resting stones of old Passed down stories to young, yet to fly Eyes watching, hopeful, with each tick from Clock Wanting to be older, hating suspense from Time
Who are we to question and hate professor Time He taught me well when I was young I know, don’t watch Clock Focus more on memory Even at this age, try to fly Don’t dwell on “Oh god, I’m old”
You are not, unless you believe: Old Although I do thank Time For being He, taught me to fly Even now, when not young And twisting, Life into Memory With his long and short arms, his protégé: Clock
As I look at Clock I know He must be old And carries many a memory To which he runs to Time I wonder, was he ever young And if he’s learned to fly.
Still, today, I will fly Pretending to be young Hiding truth from all but one: My mentor, Time.
Seduction, the boy Innocence, the girl
Seduction, the boy-- Known for his crimes To all but one; Innocence, the girl-- Bound, in fate-- To meet--and date He watches-- and waits She sees-- and thinks She's shy-- but speaks He's nervous-- but why? She's mysterious-- he's "fly" He speaks back-- so fast She blushes-- walks past He's scored-- for today Tomorrow-- the same A look-- a word Third day-- his game He's won-- a date His idea-- to rape But come, that day he's captivated--sedated Her innocence, so rare His thoughts-- "Unfair!" He couldn't--wouldn't rape But who would have known-- His game, thought as his own That night, she won-- His heart, his love-- Innocence-- her way Of seducing him away From his life: Seducing dames
The Walk
Two lovely lovers limped on by A daring dog who danced. He said “Excuse me lively lady And gent, I do like to do my dance. Would you tell me your opinions? Give me a chance!” He jigged his jig and danced his dance His eyes flashed a challenge. “My oh my! Lynching time!” yawned the loathsome lady “Walk this way, silly little male, If you don’t get lost on this obtuse trail You’ll meet a lonely lynch. I’m sure the lonely lynch would like a laugh Before he launched away.” She laughed a laugh that wasn’t a laugh But more so like a howl Her lover grinned a cheesy grin, he loved how she was foul. They walked on by, And shortly ahead a porcupine Paced and panted. He screamed a scream that seriously seemed To make even the most corny computer crumble. He opened his mouth to beg, His face was covered with dread “Help me, sir, and kind young lady! To catch the charred Chihuahua! You see, we were playing a game to fight for our fame When I caught the charred Chihuahua cheating.” They gave him an odd stare, But really didn’t care So on they continued with their walk. If you considered these odd things You might question the next couple of beings. Continuing on the next trail, You’d swear your mind was derailed For there was a caring cardboard box. The caring cardboard box Was washing little socks But having a difficult time Those skinny socks were singing a tune Of the stars and the sky, and the sun and the moon While on the side were a pair Of dirty underwear With nothing to do but be ugly The socks whistled and sang ‘Til the couples’ ears rang Making them change their pace They wanted to get out of this place. On did they walk until a phone barked But all they heard was a ring The loathsome lady walked to the phone with glee “Excuse me loathsome ma’am, But really I am Not accustomed to this greeting.” The things start to get weird More than they appeared She screamed and ran behind her lover, Her man, who you’d expect to protect her from harm The phony phone started fanning For he was quite angry With the pair that walked to him this day “Excuse me loathsome ma’am, but he cannot hear me I am a phony phone And I’ve punished you both. He will keep on walking While you begin mocking Any pair like you. Others have told me of stories Of how mean and demeaning you both seem” The phony phone stopped fanning He turned to the man and he began to walk away The woman shriveled and shrank Eventually turned into a gas tank, Ready to explode at any moment. Now she waddles and waits to explode As she sits on the side of the road Awaiting to see two lovers walking She’ll waddle close and begin mocking As she follows on their tail, Pointing out all their flaws Because they found this trail. And she will not tell them of the phony phone For their fate was left to them Though, it is he who will condemn The lovers for their crimes: Whatever is wrong in the phoney phones eyes
I’m tired, why can’t we get along
I’m bitter, battered, bold I’m freezing, flattered, won’t fold I’m sad, scared, stunned Tired of being carried, cattled, conned I’m tired of lies, “love”, life Tired of stories, starvation, strife Why is life horrid, heavy, hard Why is friendship fake, failing, flawed Why is love rare, unrequited, repeating Can’t I be myself, not you, you’re unfeeling Can’t I be told the truth, not lies, unspoken Can’t I hide my heart? From you, it’s broken We whisper to others—stories; lies of the truths We sew our seeds—Angry; becoming uncaring brutes We are demeaning—Each other; all the while Get going, away, before I get riled Get away, go, I can’t take it Get going, please, my mind won’t make it Along the road of false and fake Along the valley of lies, flowers laced Along the gravel of illusions, running fast paced
Farewell
Chipped, like the teeth of an elder, Lines etched as if the wrinkles of worrying and time Deep, like a blackened never-ending hole Faint, the vulnerable fluttering of a heart Dropped multiple times, as if covered by oil Jagged, like a broken shard And still breaking Rough, rubbed ruby red raw Prickling, eerily empty With every word forced Through prison cell walls (You call them gritted teeth) Attempt to put your emotions into feelings, Go on... I’ve tried. It’s like speaking a forgotten language Yes… Call me broken and bitter I think I’m wholesomely sweet You call it misunderstanding I call it your refusal to believe You say I don’t love I love but refuse to show Do you see the glass falling? Shattering-- Piercing… Those are called tears, My tears don’t fall They don’t “splash” on the floors— They crash around me… Exploding My heart isn’t cold as you say Isn’t grayed without feeling It’s a gentle petal on a rose! It bleeds a brilliant red Blood floats to the floor A petal falling off a rose Did you know? Every rose has its’ thorns… Do go on, Please tell me, Remind me. Smile sadly and say you love me While wearing a painted mask Your mask of disappointment Yes, I know it. I do things to make me happy, Call me selfish, go on! Do it. We know you want to I don’t consider your feelings After all, But isn’t it ironic? You never considered mine… Every. Single. Time. You considered yours Never ever mine. Silly, isn’t it? I’m my mothers child… Except, I’m the selfish one. A pity to me, Well… Carpe diem, love I’m seizing the day. Today I bid you adieu!
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:38 pm
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