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 Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 10:33 am
She walks down lonely back streets,
Her pants are ripped and torn;
She used to be a someone,
Now she’s nothing anymore.
And yet, down in her memory,
She remembers how it was
Before she lost the life she knew.
She’s scarred and scared because
Of little things we cannot know.
Those things that eat away...
They tatter the wings of angels
Those things she cannot say...
Those moments build up walls
That tower to the sky,
And no matter how they flutter
Her wings no longer fly.
For they are tattered, torn, and bent,
But no one seems to see
How far away this young one is
From what she used to be.
The ripped up pants accentuate
The tatters in her wings,
And just to fly once more, I know
She would give anything...
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Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 3:56 pm
crying That is so deep. It really made me think. I like your style.
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2007 8:57 am
greenrider_calidar crying That is so deep. It really made me think. I like your style. Aww!! Thankies biggrin I'm glad that it made you think...some of the best poetry does that biggrin
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:28 am
Woah, that's beautiful, I really liked it, I showed it to a friend of mine and she cried (she's an emotional girl...)!
Keep up the good work!
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 10:00 am
"Nothing Anymore"?
I'm sorry.
I'm not criticizing, honestly.
I'm just wondering if that's correct.
sweatdrop stressed
Anyhow, I really do love your poem.
It's quite touching.
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:38 pm
Simply beautiful 4laugh
Oh yeah and "Nothing anymore" is correct it wouldn't be if it said "Nothing No More" that's the wrong one. Well good job though.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:19 pm
sweatdrop I didn't mean to make anyone cry! I'm glad that you liked it, though biggrin LOL - Strike without Mercy - Woah, that's beautiful, I really liked it, I showed it to a friend of mine and she cried (she's an emotional girl...)! Keep up the good work!
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:22 pm
Thanks for the comment biggrin Glad that you liked it, LOL. And that's one of the nice things about poetry, grammar's important, but you can twist the words around if you want to get a desired affect. For me, in this one, it's not ungrammatical; however, I have been known to change the way something's presented to fit the rhythm of the piece...Just how it works, I suppose biggrin LOL Thanks again for commenting biggrin Crescent Flame "Nothing Anymore"?
I'm sorry.
I'm not criticizing, honestly.
I'm just wondering if that's correct.
sweatdrop stressed
Anyhow, I really do love your poem.
It's quite touching.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:23 pm
Aww biggrin Glad that you liked it! And thanks for the grammar support, that's always helpful...otherwise I would have read it over and over again trying to figure out if indeed it was wrong biggrin Thankies!!! LOL Stelana Simply beautiful 4laugh
Oh yeah and "Nothing anymore" is correct it wouldn't be if it said "Nothing No More" that's the wrong one. Well good job though.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:19 pm
Very good flow and images. I could really picture the state she's in, yet in the clothes she could still be anybody. Quite a few of the lines were both beautiful and heart wrenching.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:07 am
Aww!! Thanks for such an absolutely lovey comment!!! biggrin I'm glad that you enjoyed it biggrin Kali Eyad Very good flow and images. I could really picture the state she's in, yet in the clothes she could still be anybody. Quite a few of the lines were both beautiful and heart wrenching.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:27 pm
I liked the flow of the words and the feel. You could hear her story being told even though you had no idea what had happened. I know sometimes I feel broken too. I think we all do. I hope she can find a way to fix her wings. They sound beautiful.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 10:22 pm
Thanks for the wonderful thoughts about her ^)__(^ I hope she can, too! And I think you're right, we all have those moments when we just fell like we can't get our feet off the ground, no matter how hard we try...Thankfully, with enough determination and a bit of laughter, we can usually mend those wings and take flight once again biggrin Glad that you enjoyed it!!!! biggrin Rutoh-Chan I liked the flow of the words and the feel. You could hear her story being told even though you had no idea what had happened. I know sometimes I feel broken too. I think we all do. I hope she can find a way to fix her wings. They sound beautiful.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:32 am
Wonderful flow. I liked how it crescendoed and ended. You were able to keep the focus on the girl and you didn't overdo the effects. I think it's a wonderful example of controlled, emotional expression. smile
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Friendly Conversationalist
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 9:28 am
I adore this poem so much. I read it to my friend who loves poems and she said it was one of the best she's ever heard.
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