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The Gaian Grammar Guild is a refuge for the literate, a place for them to post and read posts without worrying about the nonsensical ones. 

Tags: grammar, literate, english, language 

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Shade Skypage

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:35 am


This I wrote in the pea of passion, and gave to the one for whom it was written on her birthday, after having already given her two others before it, after having written them. I'd like to know what people think of the piece.


Back to You

Once again, out in the dark,
The stars are gone, not even trace of a spark.
The night has fallen, and landed straight upon me
If I could only find my way out,
If I could only see…

I stumble and fall, and then get back to my feet,
And then see a sight that my eye doth greet.
There you stand in that night, so radiant and pure,
My light in the darkness,
Of this, I am sure.

I had tried to turn away, to turn off how I feel,
Yet against these feelings, what can I do but kneel?
Whatever it is that I try to do,
My mind always brings me back to you.

Love is strange, for it brings both happiness and strife,
Yet, to save thee from harm, I’d willingly give my life.
Whether it were bullet or blade, or brutal blows from fists,
Whatever pain I endure, I feel strength because you exist.

I’m tired of fighting my feelings, I can struggle no more,
Yet it seems like I’ve turned and shut my own door.
I’ve prayed so hard, hoping you may care,
Hoping to turn around and see you right there.
I still feel confused; do not know what to do,
All I know is that it keeps leading me right back to you.

There are times I remember you during my sleep,
These dreams of such beauty, they might drive some to weep.
I find myself simply wishing to be in thy embrace,
My hand lightly tracing that cheek, that face.
In my sleep, it seems I’ve more certainty what to do,
For it seems to keep bringing me back to you.

I always want to write, to say the perfect words,
But there is nothing I can think of, save you.
Every ounce of me has wanted to scream out,
But the sound was trapped deep within, and never came out.
Everything that I’ve wanted seems to speed on by
As I’m chained to this patch of earth, so cold and so dry.
If not for you, I’d still be there, stuck, chained here in this place,
Without you there, to free me with your embrace.
I just want to be able to come back to you
Where my love does burn strong, where all feels brand new.
I can’t help but try to come back to you.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 10:39 am


wow i really liked it. Extremely well written. It's sad no one even commented this poem once. I don't know why it's way better then thsoe ones that have been commented on about 40 times.

Have you heard of this guild,
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/index.php?guild_id=32905

It's the same thing but applies to all different types of writing. I think you may enjoy it. You may even get more people commenting your stuff.

That was really well written as i said above lol

Byez

Parisxx


Mosqui

PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:13 pm


Xx0xc4rlyx0xX
wow i really liked it. Extremely well written. It's sad no one even commented this poem once. I don't know why it's way better then thsoe ones that have been commented on about 40 times.

Have you heard of this guild,
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/index.php?guild_id=32905

It's the same thing but applies to all different types of writing. I think you may enjoy it. You may even get more people commenting your stuff.

That was really well written as i said above lol

Byez


I agree, very well written.

Edit: I had something written here that I feel upon closer inspection it would be better to take out. It wasn't mean per-say, but it showed my ignorance on something I should've looked at more closely (it was directed at Xx0xc4rlyx0xX, and if the message has already been read, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings; if not, no harm done). Anyway... yeah, on with the remainder of my post!

Anyway, as I said, it's very good and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It expresses your love for this girl very well. My only comment is that you stated you gave it to her on her birthday. Not much you can do to change that now, but in retrospect, that may not have been the best time to give it. The reason I say this is because if she does not share your feeling of love, and thinks of you only as a friend, it could have made the remainder of her birthday awkward. At least, whenever you were around. I hope that my worries are unfounded.

Anyway, I hope to see more poetry by you in the future. Thank you for posting this superb work of art.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:16 pm


Thanks very much for the feedback, the both of you. I'll be sure to check out the link.

Shade Skypage

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