Pokémon Legends: Court of Kings

[Jump Einatz]

Sal's amber eyes blazed. So it had come to this. "You asked for it!"

And with a battlecry, she actually punched herself in the v****a.

Instant regret. Total and instant regret. Salieri doubled over in pain, and would support herself against the counter with a moan when she received Zack's pain too. She could now say she knew what it felt like to get hit in the d**k. "So...dumb..." she whimpered.

"Sal? Sal." Mia's voice came from the Pokégear in her pocket. "This is the weirdest buttdial I have ever heard..."  

[Marsuru]

Around 50% of the center's population recoiled with a sharp intake of breath. Someone cried 'what's wrong with you people?' and then there was silence. Zack's nether regions were throbbing like someone had put the most delicate eggs in the world in a vice and squeezed. One of his legs buckled, and without the luxury of working hands he had to lean over the counter to stay standing.

He squinted away the tears welling in his eyes and mounted an obviously forced grin. 'S-see? I can take anything you throw at me.'

Zack breathed hard, took a second, then said in a strained voice, 'We need to kill that bird guy.'  

[Jump Einatz]

Salieri nodded vigorously. "Mm-hmm." She took a deep breath and stood up, collecting herself and hoping that the male population could evolve to have internal genitals someday. "Let's get out of here."

She clipped Zack's Pokéballs onto his belt in a random order, and unless he wanted to stick around for longer, they'd hobble outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay." The pain was subsiding. "How about we try running opposite directions at the same time? Maybe we can force this off."

It sounded stupid. SO stupid it just might work.  

[Marsuru]

Zack nodded, and they made their way bowlegged out of the center. They eventually reached a part of town populated by quiet buildings and wide roads, where the only movement came from distant cyclists, cars and the odd Wingull passing far overhead. Heat haze blurred the lines between ocean, sky and horizon, and the sun shone like a gleaming jewel, reigning supreme over the afternoon. Zack couldn't help but think how much he should have appreciated things like that back when he was free, and that maybe this was how convicts felt the first time the iron gates slid closed.

'Alright. It's not like we can be more embarrassed.' Zack looked around, planning where he'd sprint to, then figured now would be a good time to share what he'd been thinking. 'Actually, I had a thought. What if this isn't the end of it?'

He looked at Salieri properly. 'How many people have you touched since we got stuck together? What if you touch someone else and they get stuck to us too? Mummy transfers by contact, maybe this is the same deal.'  

[Jump Einatz]

"I haven't touched anyone else..." Sal dwelled on that idea. Her imagination led to the thought of her and Zack being in the center of an assimilated abomination, with everyone sharing emotions and pain...

"Wait, are you saying I can't punch people? I mean, I can't touch people?" Salieri wasn't sure if that theory was true, but it held enough water and sounded horrible enough that they couldn't risk testing it. "Okay, we'll stay hands off. Merde, what's Matheson gonna say?"

He'd probably be very understanding after an initial misunderstanding, like almost all of her interactions with Matheson. She still felt like she needed to explain herself to him, tell him about her past with Skarada so he didn't get the wrong idea. Reconciliation would be harder with Zack around. Everything would be harder with Zack around.

"Are you ready?" Sal faced away from Zack and got low into a sprinter's start. "On the count of three..."  

[Marsuru]

'I didn't know you could count that high,' Zack said, half-jokingly. He didn't want to get into another argument just yet, he was still aching after the last one, but he couldn't help himself. 'One...'  

[Jump Einatz]

"Two..."  

[Marsuru]

'Three!' Zack shouted, sprinting at full pelt. If Salieri had second thoughts about running, she'd likely be dragged along the ground behind him.  

[Jump Einatz]

Sal dashed and immediately toppled over when they reached the limit of how far they could stretch. The invisible binding was uncompromised. "Merde!" She grunted, punching the ground while getting to her feet. "What the hell is this thing?"  

[Marsuru]

Zack's feet went out under him and he crashed onto his back. Not quite winded, definitely feeling stupid. He got a foot under him and pushed himself upright with a lurch. He was still attached to Salieri. Great.

'Could always try sawing your hand off at the wrist,' he said, thinking. He frowned at their hands. 'Whatever this is, it's just a pokémon move. Got anything that'd reset status effects?'

Hazard might have shot if she learned how to use Haze, but that was an outside chance at best. Zack doubted Serene's Heal Pulse would do much, but it couldn't hurt to try. He'd wait to see if One Shot had any solutions before resorting to training in front of her. Last thing he needed was to show her that he couldn't do something. He'd never live it down.  

[Jump Einatz]

Zack would feel Sal's discomfort at his joking suggestion, and the sensation of phantom pain like he had actually experienced getting something cut off before. "Not funny," she said flatly.

Coming to the same unsaid conclusions as Zack, Sal released Reynard and showed her their hands. "Rey, no pun intended, but we're in a bind so if you could-"
The Vaporeon snickered at Sal, then at Zack. [Now it all makes sense.]
"Just use Haze, damnit."

Despite her amusement Rey did as she was told, spewing a grey smog from her mouth that engulfed both Sal and Zack. Sal coughed through the duration of the move and when it was over, tried yanking her hand free. It didn't work.

So Sal released Oberon, who sat on her shoulder and looked at Zack with an empty stare, expecting treats from somebody. "Hey Oberon," Sal cooed, distracted by the Cleffa's cuteness while she tickled the alien's chin. Hopefully, she held up their bound hands and asked, "Heal Pulse?"

Oberon looked at their hands and summoned a pulse of soothing pink light to the bindings. It also did nothing. "It's okay Obie, you're still cute."  

[Marsuru]

'Cute but useless,' Zack amended. 'Could be it's actually just glue.' As soon as he said it, he realised it was a dumb suggestion. Glue didn't make you share sensations. He pretended it was the best suggestion in the world, however.

'Vaporeon, cook up some hot water. We're gonna melt it off.'  

[Jump Einatz]

Reynard barely tolerated taking orders from Salieri. She certainly wouldn't take one from Zack. However, this opportunity to Scald them both was an exception. Rey filled up her cheeks with piping hot water.

"Seriously, both of you? Rey, belay that order." Reluctantly, Reynard swallowed and cancelled her attack. Sal sighed. "Glue. Come on, man..." It was still only a slightly more ridiculous idea than running in opposite directions. "Hey, would your Dex have a movelist for Cofagrigus?"  

[Marsuru]

Zack averted his gaze when Sal cancelled the order, secretly glad she had. Then he grinned.

'Let's see,' Zack looked skyward as he recited some moves. 'Night Shade, Shadow Ball, Hex, Ominous Wind, Curse, Disable, Haze, Astonish...' he paused, considering some more. 'Power Split, Guard Split, Pain Split, Trick Room, Mean Look, Scary Face, Will-O-Wisp, Destiny Bond, Nasty Plot, Calm Mind, Psychic, Energy Ball, Dark Pulse...

'Should have a full list in my notebook,' he said. 'Check my backpack. I'm sure you won't have a problem taking it.'  

[Jump Einatz]

"Cle-ver." Sal rifled through his bag and found the notebook. "You must've been popular in clown college."

She opened the notebook and started thumbing through pages. It was clear Zack had this notebook for a long time. There were post-its and additional pieces of scrap paper attached, water damage and what looked like burn marks. Sal couldn't make heads or tails of what notes were where. It was a mess. But it was Zack's mess, and he was here to explain it.

"This is like interpreting a kid's drawing." Sal started flipping page to page slowly. "Just tell me when to stop."