Lines You'll Never Hear

[Darkened Angel]

Palpy: So a Grand Admiral says to me, " If we conquer the entire galaxy- "
Vader: Won't we invade less worlds?

* Palpy looks at Vader, confused *

Vader: Yes, we will invade less worlds. We're conquering too much. This all happened before. By now the troopers stop preparing for assault.

* bells sound and stormies stop boarding the transports, Palpy and Vader look on *

Vader: And you say?
Palpy: Maybe we did conquer the galaxy already.
Vader: Mmmhmm.  

[Sol Walker]

Trey Callum: (Upon first spotting the Imperial Walkers at Hoth): I think I just s**t my snowpants.  

[ElladanKenet]

:Vader to Palpatine:

Vader- You can tke this job and shove it!  

[Darkened Angel]

( Aboard the USS Executor )

Vader: Sith Lord's log, stardate... whatever the Hell today is. The Executor is en route to find the secret rebel base.

( on the bridge )

Vader: What's our ETA?
Officer: We're due toa arrive in... now. We're in range, Captain Picard.
Vader: ... Picard?
Thrawn: He was recently transfered from another ship, and still young, Sir.
Vader: What's your name, kid?
Officer: Wesley Crusher, Sir.
Officer 2: Incoming X-Wings.
Vader: Raise shields. Mr. Thrawn, fire phasers.
Thrawn: We have no phasers, Sir. This isn't Star Trek.
Vader: Hmm, I was beginning to wonder what this weirdness was.
Officer 2: We're being hailed, Captain Vader.

* screen turns to facial of another captain *

Picard: This is Jean-Luc Picard, Jedi Knight of the United Federation of Planets.
Jarjar: * pops in behind Picard, sees Vader on the screen * Ani? Ani! Mesa been looking all over for you, Ani!
Vader: Dammit, not you, Jarjar! Mr. Crusher, get us the Hell outta here! ... Mr. Crusher?

* Crusher waves from on screen *

Vader: How'd he get aboard their ship?
Thrawn: Bad scripting with the plot, Sir.

* everything vanishes as GL wakes up from his dream *

GL: Whoa, I have an idea for a new movie.

TREK WARS

Episode Never: Clash of the Universes

A long time ago, in space, the final frontier...  

[Shika_Dude101]

Luke:come on pricess lets get it on right here and now *strips*

leia: OMG SOMEONE KILL ME  

[ElladanKenet]

Luke- *Wakes Up to Alarm Clock* *Stretches and fixes some Cereal and Juice* *Sits down at Computer and Turns on*

Computer- ... {Good morning, Luke.}

Luke- O.o... WTF?

Computer- {Ever wondered why your lovelife is so bad?}

Luke- ... *Types* {Who are you?}

Computer- {Follow the White Mynock.}

Luke- Wait, hold on! What the hell?!

Computer- {Knock, knock.}

Door- *Knocks*

~  

[Darkened Angel]

( continued, some time later )

* 3 identical men with shades on approach *

Darth Smith: Hello there, Mr. Jedi-son.
Luke: My name... is Skywalker!

( fight scene, complete with 360 rotating camera shot )  

[ElladanKenet]

:After dream-PWNing, Luke wakes up in his own bed during a storm:

Luke- Gah.....My head....

Leia- *Phones Calls: Luke...

Luke- HOLY HELL, leave me alone!

Leia- Meet me under the bridge outside the Senate Rotunda... *Click*

Luke- question .....

:Ten Minutes Later:

*Speeder Pulls Up* Leia opens door*

Leia- Get in.

Luke- Um.... okay....

Leia- Kay, now take your shirt off...

Luke- Oh, hell yeah... cool

Leia- Pervert- *Slaps and Pulls out Vacuum thingy*

Luke- Hey, wait, what're you doing? gonk

Leia-Shut Up. *Sucks out Sith a**l Butt Probe*

Luke- Ah s**t, it's real?!

Leia- If you only knew....  

[Darkened Angel]

Luke: What the Hell are you doing, man?
Han: * through a comm in " reality " * This is the end, Skywalker. Or should I say, LUCAS?
Luke: WTF!?
Han: * pulls the plug, but LUke manages to get to the phone just in time *
GL: * jerks up * Gagh! You tried to kill me you son of a sith!
Han: Dammit, I HAD YOU!
GL: Wait, what the... I'm hideous! NOOOOOOO! Dang it, I wish you HAD killed me.
Han: Can do. * draws his blaster and fires *  

[ElladanKenet]

Luke- What the hell is happening to me?! gonk

Ben- Simple. You are THE CHOSEN ONE.

Luke- What the hell does that mean?!

Chewbacca- Chwooooooaaaaar!

Leia- Right... anyway, you two need to get to training. Give the kid a saber.

Han- Sure. Let's get you plugged in kid..

Luke- I'm so confused!

~

Ben- Okay, try to hit me.

Luke- *Flails with lightsaber, missing*

Ben- .......

Luke- Did I get it?!

Ben-........

Leia- *Over Intercomm* Hey, get back over here! We got incomming Star Destroyers!  

[Sol Walker]

((Scene: Dagobah, as Luke is leaving for Besbin.))
Luke: I have to go and fight Vader!

Yoda: No. Ready you are not. Kill you like a small dog he will. Your anger, let it be like a monkey in a pinata...hiding amongst the candy...hopping the kids dont break through with a stick...

Link:..Dwah?  

[Des Voh]

(Luke sees a vision of him and Obi-Wan running through a white hallway being chased by Darth Vader and The Emperor)

Obi-Wan:Taaakkkeee on meeeee, Take meeeee onnn!! I'll beeee gonnnee, In a daaaaaaaayyyyy or two!!

(Reached a dead end they start beating on the walls until they fall and Luke suddenly stumbles out of the closet of his apartment and face plants infront of Mara Jade)

Mara:Luke, where have you been?
Luke sad Cries out)I DON'T KNOW!!!  

[ElladanKenet]

:An EMP Blast Later:

Obi Wan:Well, they're gone. Time to go revist The Empire.

Luke: The what?

Leia: It's where you came from. That evil cess-pit of lies and the Dark Side.

Han- Ssshh.. don't say that in front of Mr. Vader.

Lando: Yeah..... so.... want some really bad mojo?

Luke: I guess... *drinks*... Gah! What is this? Wookiee pee?

Chewie: *Pokes in* {Hey Lando, seen where I put my toilet?}

Lando: Yeah... so, seeya there!



:Inside The Empire:



Luke: Where are we going? gonk

Obi-Wan: To the Master.

Luke: The what?

Leia: Trust me, you want to see this guy...

Luke: *Passes random Jedi Initiate bending spoon*

Yoda: Greetings, young one.