Funniest attempts at insults

[DreamerSpirit]

On monday I wore my beloved velvet cloak to school, paired with one of my elegant velvet gowns.

Anyways, I was walking out to my bus as I heard some girl mutter to her friend "What does she, think she's a vampire?", to which her friend replied "******** vampire."

I wasn't sure if I should burst out laughing, or ask the first girl (who was clad in tight-fitting low-cut clothing) "What do you, think you're a hooker?"

However, I refrained form responding to thier comments... I just held my head a bit higher as I passed them, because I knew that they're not the brightest creatures, and couldn't think of anything better to do than criticize the attire of others. (I admit that I mock current trends, but never in front of people who actually like such trends...)  

[Devils_lilboy]

Anardana

I'm sure you know the deal, you are walking down the stree minding your own business when someone suddenly decides it would be really really funny to yell out some half thought out attempt at wit to you.

So what's the funniest "insult" you've ever recieved. Il put up a couple of my own below.


My uncle: "heh heh , where'd you buy that *witch* skirt a halloween shop hsahahhahah"

me: "marks and spencer"

my uncle: "oh..."

rofl

***********************************
Our local chavs have a unique way of "insulting" people. Aside form the standard. It appears to involve picking somthing glaringly obvious about their target and asking the target if they have this trait...bizarre.

In practise it looks somthing like this..

chav (to my 6"6 boyfriend) - "EHHHHHHHHHHHH ow tall r u??"

from their tone of voice this was clearly supposed to be a rhetorical question.

chav (to me) - "EEEHEEHHEHEH how much blak do u av???"


I could cry for them I really could.

there are way to many do say...  

[-Lasciate Ogni Speranza-]

RedRosez

People called me Smurfette when I had blue hair.
Everyone I bowl with calls me Mortisha because I lack variety in color.
People on my bus always have to say a stupid little comments about listening to emo music and ask if I hide my cuts with long jackets. Which is not the case, since I do not self mutilate myself. I show them this, and they still laugh about it.
And sometimes people walk by me and choke out little stupid things like "Omg gothhhhh" or "Don't get too close, she'll bite"

The next time you hear someone say the "She'll bite" comment, say something along the lines of "Yum, human flesh."

 

[Henneth Annun]

EternalDark666

Now..I'm a guy with fairly long hair, to my shoulders, not past, and I have a moustache and small beard. This "gangsta" girl walks up to me and sized me up sayin' "y'all found Jesus yet or somethin'?" so I took the rubber band off of my ponytail and stared at her. My response "Everytime I look in the mirror, darlin'"...it was so funny when she walked away like "whatever" and a nun laughed at her along with the store manager...

rofl That's hilarious....

Once as I was going to buy luch at our school, I saw my friend getting bitched at by some "gangsta" chick and her friends.

Them: i'm gonna go home and i'm gonna pray for you so dat you can fine' Jesus and save yo soul

My friend: I don't believe in god! How are-

Them: that's why i'm gonna pray for you cuz you gonna go to hell if you don't find him (refering to jesus)

Me: *walks up eating a sandwich* trouble here?

Them: *turns on me* i'm gonna pray for you too!

Me: well if we don't belive in god then why do you think your "prayers" will affect us? we're not going to change because you f-

Them: If you don't whorship god then you must whorship Satan! *starts yelling about how we deserve to go to hell and calling us spawn of satan*

My friend: well if we're spawn of satan you better watch out... twisted

Me: If we need to find jesus, you need to find your brain. *walks away muttering about ignorant people*  

[Bloody Loon]

Well, I've got too many to mention:

Random School-Person: Emo blitch, go cut urself lik I knoww yau does! (Yes... this is how they sounded)

Me: If you had the indesency to spy on me so much that you know what I do in my spare time, you have no life, and that non-life you have has been utterly wasted, considering you didn't get even a slight bit of information correct in your accusation. Congradulations.

Random School-Person: Huh?

Me: *Walks away, laughing hysterically to myself*

__________________________

Person on street corner: You're going to hell!

Me: Yes, and I'm going to like it.
__________________________

Jackass: I ******** your mom last night!

Me: Well, that's some sick fetish you've got there.
___________________________

Person: ******** satan worshiper

Me: In soviet russia, satan worship you!  

[Ionic_Warrior]

God, do I have too many....

Person: "Do you always wear black? You don't where anything else?"
Me: "Are you colorblind?"
_____________________

Person: "Hey, are you gay?"
Me: "No, why?"
Person: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Are you hitting on me?"
_____________________


Person: "Do you cut yourself?"
Me: "Why do you need to know?"
Person: *gasps* "You do!?"
Me: "No, so I can't join your cutting circle."  

[arya241]

iv got "whore" from a 10 year old
me "the only way you know what whore is, is because your mom need some to do her in the middle of the night!"  

[TheWitchGotRobin]

Kaishi Kyouki

Person: ******** satan worshiper

Me: In soviet russia, satan worship you!

YES!!! rofl  

[GilAskan]

I forget if I mentioned this or not, but I was once called a dyke at a gas-station.

Which means:

A) They thought I was a woman
B) They didn't know the meaning of the word  

[Bloody Loon]

Oh, I remember, one time, when I was given a bible by some person, I took my lighter out and lit it on fire, (I had leather gloves on) before tossing it back to them.

The stood there, awestruck, not realising that there hands were on fire...

I laughed so hard walking away, as he screamed bloody murder.

________________

More insults/comebacks:

Person (m): ******** you Goth!

Me: I would, really, but you just aren't my type.
___________________

Them: You're going to hell unless you repent!

Me: Maybe, but you'll be going there alot sooner if you don't shut up.  

[Wynn Deaux]

I get the standard "corpse" and "why the hell don't you tan?"

Not much....OMG
I was wearing like, green and black (green tank-top and black studded skirt; black plat-form sandles.) and i (at the time) had like the GOLDEST BRIGHTEST color in my hair. I was walking with a friend talking and laughing merrily then some dumbass calls "EMO!" and flings a ******** carrot at me. I was like "*stares questioningly* Who the hell threw a carrot? WTF man?"

people are idiots sometimes! I'm the farthest thing from emo! I'm too cheerful! crying emo  

[Wynn Deaux]

I have another incident that slipped my mind.

Okay, my BFF and myself (both Wicca) were sitting in math and this guy called Russel's all like "BITCHES!"

we like looked at him kinda blankly and turned around again.

"LESBIANS!"

he then threw an eraser at me.

"So, which one is the guy?"

me: "Ya mom." *turns away*

another day he's all like: "Why won't you worship god?"

me: "why won't you actually read the bible? You hypocrite."

then another he offered us christian books and cds.
The books I unceremoniously dropped in the garbage can and the CD's i watched them get run over by busses!

Then he called us satanist dykes. I was like "wtf?" cuz honestly, what does one have to do with the other???

besides...wicca. stare the error there should be obvious rolleyes  

[Wynn Deaux]

Mitoko Sensei

I actually got this PM this morning and it stemmed from using the Squee sig.::

Mitoko-san's PM

I must protest the use of Mr. Vasquez's work with the affiliation of "Goth". Sir you must by now know that "Goth" died out in the late 90s. No one goes around in Victorian era dress in mid August anymore. It just isn't done. You may be refering to the use of Tripp and other such brands you can find at Hot Topic, but let me assure you that this is mearly Industrial Mettal. Please keep this in mind when advertising Guilds.

I changed the users name simply because i felt that this PM shamed them.

I love victorian era attire! I like to wear that in hot weather...wth...? nothing wrong with keeping the past alive.  

[Ether-Eating Eskimo]

Kaishi Kyouki

Oh, I remember, one time, when I was given a bible by some person, I took my lighter out and lit it on fire, (I had leather gloves on) before tossing it back to them.

The stood there, awestruck, not realising that there hands were on fire...

I laughed so hard walking away, as he screamed bloody murder.

No offense... but I don't see why you had to burn it. Just because I'm Christian, I don't go burning Satanist's bibles, and Wiccans' books of shadows and whatnot. You need to respect other religions.  

[LazyDruid]

CrimsonThanatos

Kaishi Kyouki

Oh, I remember, one time, when I was given a bible by some person, I took my lighter out and lit it on fire, (I had leather gloves on) before tossing it back to them.

The stood there, awestruck, not realising that there hands were on fire...

I laughed so hard walking away, as he screamed bloody murder.

No offense... but I don't see why you had to burn it. Just because I'm Christian, I don't go burning Satanist's bibles, and Wiccans' books of shadows and whatnot. You need to respect other religions.

Mmmhmm... I do agree. I hate it when people try to force their religion onto me. I am, personally, a Christian, but it bugs the hell out of me when someone comes up to and is all like "You should have this religion" but I wouldn't dare burn it (though I do enjoy fire). I don't mean to be a b***h, but it is just common courtesy, your no better than them if you insult them for something they believe in. When someone insults me I just shake my head and walk away, more power to me.
♪♫Myblazablesoul