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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:24 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:35 pm
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ok dude im turning completely insane!!!!!!!
I was talking to my friend brian and stuff about why i was crying the other night and this is part of the answer that i thought was actually pretty awesome of me to write!!!!
three)......i just.......i need to get the stress and stuff out...i needed to cry for a good long time so i could feel better and glomp people with a smile and joke around with my guy friends and s**t ya know....
i need my nothing of a self to smile with the mask, not fake it like usual......
did i ever tell you how that halloween night went over at patricias when we went back cuz we KNEW they would be home by then......well when patricia came outside after we left to b***h at me some more and i never answered except LEAVE THEM ALONE ITS MY FAULT!!!! IM THREW WITH YOU ALL I DONT NEED YOU!!! I DONT NEED THIS STRESS AND THIS s**t SO GOODBYE!!!!!! well.....that was the nothing talking, that was 100% me not the mask....i was finally breaking and realizing emotions werent apart of my mask, they were in that nothing the whole time, and i broke that bond on the mask alittle, but not alot.....I felt hatred, and felt it, tasted it, and loved it...sadness had no hint over me, only hatred filled my smile, my eyes, my heart....hatred filled my insanity....i only wanted to rip them apart at there limbs....i felt hatred and smiled with the insanity that followed...let me tell you brian, goth compared to emo, gothic (hatred) is delicious and satisfying...emo (sadness) only numbs you from the hunger and want of revenge and insanity. I needed to taste it, now i know why chloe barely ever crys, hatred tastes better than tears....
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:44 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:54 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:54 pm
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chidorilash @Kitten: I myself have realized that quite recently as well (though apparently not to the same degree as you).
But masks are there to hide who we really are. It's a defense mechanism of sorts to protect the possible outcome of the fear of people disliking who we really are. We make it without thinking, humans are just naturally ones of fear.
Yes, your mask broke, "insanity" took over you temporarily, but every mask has their limits. Just have to know when to take it off for it won't blow up in other peoples faces.
Just don't let that fallen mask overrule your judgements and make you lose all sight of humanity or what's good and bad.
(Mine hasn't broken just yet...but I have a feeling it will soon =/)
Mine is at the verge of breaking...i feel it loosening.....and by feel i mean i can actually hands on FEEL it.....
Its not there to protect me, it doesnt do that well....its to help me see (i cant explain it)
Ever since i was a small child my heart had always wanted a beautiful mask, always jumped at the idea! I always loved masquerades! They were my favorite of things...
So this last year i realized wat mine looked like, i wanted it visible....but my mom refused to let me both by one, customize one, or make one sad
The majority of my friends dont see it, but its the ones i truly trust who see it...they understand what i mean, that isnt there to protect me but to help me....
I must say, you see how my pictured of me, i look cute, my mask helped me get my complexion to a perfect look that fits my personality and my shape and such other little things
My mask is only what i want to be, but attached to it, it has my life and my reasons to live. Through the eye holes of it i see things others dont, thats why im so good at negotiating things between others....
My mask, paints different looks on itself, to the mood i want for the next day......
Connorthecreator lol... um...pretty deep..... Even I myself am at a loss for words. Oh wait, here some come now! A mask is there to hide you from the world, from your fear of living, when that mask shatters, all you have left is the pain that mask has brought you.
my mask has been on since i was born.....
its my living self....its my bi-polarity....
it actual holds me back from my insanity going rye......
its like my self control and common sense too....
I feel more pain knowing that if i lose it i lose who i am.....
now i know my emotions are apart of the nothing who is truly me...
I'm not saying im a fake or anything but me...myself....i am nothing....
no ******** joke.... |
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:59 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:07 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:07 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:11 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:12 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:14 pm
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kitten254 chidorilash Second post of mine to be left in the dust emo
*points to three/four posts up*
@Conner: I don't believe that not even the person themselves has any true idea on what they can really be like. no the top one was...not the second one!!
No no no lol
I meant, the second post all in all (there was one on another thread that was left unread xD So this makes two.) |
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:14 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:16 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:18 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:26 pm
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