AFG Sallies

[FogSage]

If I typed all this before, sorry for that! I didn't know if what I typed got through to here or not.

I'm back. Five weeks is too long. I was so starved for chat and Gaia and all the rest of it.

Everyone in my family seems to think my step mom is a gold-digging b***h. Inside, I was seething, but I didn't let them see it. I can see that my grandmother, while still as active, has become a little more deaf, and my grandfather just sits in his chair all day, doing nothing. It made me so sad to see him that way, just sitting there, not talking to anyone or even reading a book or watching tv.

Everyone wants me to move back to Illinois to live there, but I won't and I can't. It would be terrible, all my relatives wanting to visit me all the time, never giving me a moment's peace....I'm a hermit, and I like to be isolated and alone. I feel out of place and awkward at parties and instead like to just sit down, eat, drink, say hi to a few people, and then leave.

To all of those who emailed me while I was gone, I'm sorry I didn't get around to replying. I didn't have a steady internet source while on vacation and so I apologize for the inconvienience (sp).

Other than that, it's nice to be back. 3nodding  

[Manda_Tifa]

Eee! Welcome back, Fog! I completely forgot that you were away and thought that you were ignorning me on MSN. I forgive you now.... blaugh

*huggles you to death* Anyway welcome back....and chat away to your hearts content to make up for those 5 weeks you were so unfairly deprived..... 4laugh  

[Aiden Swiftcat]

Welcome Back Fog ^_^ and I agree with Manda about the chatting  

[Sirus Jin]

Welcome back Fog! Good to see you around 3nodding  

[Sonya Khatsworth]

Okay, plan A failed, and plan B just got a serious stick shoved in it's wheels. Quick, plan D! (screw plan C)


Moving out last year completely flunked, and this year, moving to Alberta got cancelled in exchange for moving in with my best friend and his girlfriend when she graduates.

"Awesome!"

Yeah, but next June is far away.

And tonight, my parents decided to remind me just how much they appreciate having a "dysfunctional lazy incapable inresponsible wannabe artist net-addicted freak" for a child. They didn't hold back, and they made it clear that if I got even one tablet of Estrofem under the roof, my dad would cut me off internet (and the only way I can commonly reach Ome without it costing either of us a fortune) and turn my life into a whole new level of Hell.

As much as I want to be strong and tough this out and wait for June, it won't happen. I won't let it happen, I won't spend another Christmas with these people I somehow have to call family.

Tonight, I actually looked at the knife on the table behind my mom when they were yelling at me, and the thought of just ending it all there managed to break through and invade me.
But I pushed it back, since I knew it would be horrific, and selfish, for me to end it there. Ome and Caitlin would be crushed, and I still wouldn't have accomplished anything but make my parents right in thinking I was good for nothing.

Ashamed of myself from even drifting that far and crushed by my parents, I jsut spent the last few hours crying on my desk, even ruined some of my recent drawings but I don't really care about those anymore. A friend spent some time cheering me up, and now that Ome's on I feel better in general, though I'm still a complete wreck.

Right now I'm left knowing it'll be impossible to transition at home, and with the flocks of people moving in to town while no new commerces are being built, my chances at finding work here are getting even slimmer than before, especially since the last job I got was only because I was a customer there for nearly 14 years.

On the other hand, I did manage to find the information to contact a youth help center in the next town over where a bunch of my friends live, and they offer low-price lodging for young adults having difficulties.
Being my mental and in a sense also my physical health might be at risk staying here, I think I have a fairly good chance to score there, so I might actually finally have a way to get out of this Hell-hole that served as a roof for me for the 14 years I've been here.
I'll be calling there tomorrow for information. If all goes well, I might be getting in there before the end of the month. I just hope they allow internet, you guys have, even if not knowingly, helped me survive all this for this long.

Afterall, the AFG is, and still is, my true "Home". Like Ome would say, the house I'm in right now is only the lodging place of which I currently reside at, but not home.  

[Crenn]

*cuddles Doomie* I know how that feeling is Doomie, my parents have said similar things and I thought about those things. I hope you can get out of there, before you go insane, and if you do move out, I hope they have internet that you can use to talk with your mates.

Good luck finding a job, and stay safe. And prove your parents wrong, show them that you're not a wanna-be artist, that you're a full artist (although they're not likely going to admit it... in that case they can go shove it up their ***holes) and you're not a freak.

btw, when you're about to leave, take the power adapter for the router and hide it in the garden.  

[Krissim Klaw]

Awe doomie I really wish I could just go up to you and give you a hug. I know that things have been really hard on you, but it only seems they are getting worse. I really hope you find a way out of there as soon as possible. No matter what though, don't give up on us. Your stronger than that. Your going to make it and your going to be happy one day.  

[Sonya Khatsworth]

Crenn

btw, when you're about to leave, take the power adapter for the router and hide it in the garden.

Haha, yeah. Or take a hammer to it since the only reason that router exists is so my dad can restrict my net access. Chances are they'll find it in the fishbowl when I'm gone. wink  

[Vashyyk]

DoomNeko

Crenn

btw, when you're about to leave, take the power adapter for the router and hide it in the garden.

Haha, yeah. Or take a hammer to it since the only reason that router exists is so my dad can restrict my net access. Chances are they'll find it in the fishbowl when I'm gone. wink

I've got a great idea for the router!, you stick in a box, then you stick that box inside a box, mail it to yourself, and when you get it you smash it with a hammer!!!


ninja

No I did not just watch Emporer's New Groove, and there's no way you can prove it...


seriously though, wish I could help you, but I really don't know what to say about it all, but I will say the same thing I say to alot of people, or if I don't I try to imply it. If you want to talk, hit me up on msn, need someone to rant to, vent, w.e I don't mind it, I know how important it can be to vent. if i can help in any way possible it's all good. I might not say much around here but I'm always listening, and always willing to listen.  

[Terra Omalley]

*hugs doomie tightly* please don't ever think of suicide again... I know you didn't mean any harm... but that did kind of tear me up a bit *clings* I don't want to lose you.

oh, and do whatever you need to hun... just try to make sure you still have internet :p  

[Af Mas]

Something will work out, Doomie. They don't seem like they will right now, but keep your chin up. There's always another way.

I'm glad you didn't take the quick way out. That's really never a viable option, and we would all have been devastated. That, and we all know you're stronger than that

I'm still no good at this, but yeah, we're all here as support and we'll all do our absolute best to support you  

[Manda_Tifa]

Meep.....I definately agree that you need to get OUT of that house, Doomie...And even if the youth center doesn't have internet access, I'm sure there are libraries and such around that you can use, right? Whatever happens, though, we're all here for you.

I like the fishbowl idea for that router cable.... rofl  

[Selene Aries]

*baps Doomie upside the head for even having a seconds thought about suicide* I know you are stronger than that, do not take the cowards way out.

As for the router, just take it with you. xd You'll want one anyway, ne?  

[Sirus Jin]

Thats right, we all care about you Doomie. I know things will work out for the better 3nodding  

[Sonya Khatsworth]

Thanks for the kind words everyone I really appreciate it.
And don't worry, I'm not gonna let myself fo down that easily. wink

After spending the ngiht fishing on FFXI with Ome and some sleep (well, as comfortable as it gets on that old sofa I use as a bed) I feel much better, and I've just finished placing the call and application to the Youth Lodging Center.

As is, the program works by evaluating and helping the person during a 3 month stay in a community home with 8 other people in difficulty, and then afterwards they send the person into appartments for the needed time until they can leave on their own.

I don't have a confirmation on if they will take me in yet, but the councilor that answered me seemed to take my case pretty seriously, and told me to call them back tomorrow.

Hopefully it will all work out.