In my head

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I know what you mean. They say we're the complicated ones, but I don't think there's really much of a difference in complicatedness based on gender.  

[Eisoji]

Yeah it really depends on the person. I just manage to find boys with issues. XD Seriously, I remember a friend of my first boyfriend once said to me "That boy has more mood swings than any girl I have ever met." It was true too actually. sweatdrop Thankfully my current boy has a Lot less issues. He gets stressed but he's a real sweetheart. smile  

[Eisoji]

I'm a stupid ******** push over when it comes to my family. I can't stand how I'm a damn doormat and I can't do anything about it.  

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Family members are always the hardest people to stand up to.
I'm in the same boat as you.  

[Eisoji]

It's hardest for me right now because I'm still home. At least until August, then college. . . *fears*

And now an actual entry.

There's something that I need to stand up for myself for though. I want to go visit my boyfriend. But I haven't been on a plane since I was seven and they don't want me to go alone.

I can wait until June, and then he'll come to me, but I don't want to wait. It's not just that I want to see him, though that is a big part, I'm going crazy here. Everything is the same day in and day out and I really can't stand it here. I'm going to talk to my parents about it tonight. I have the money. All I need is a ride to the airport. I'd go myself but it's not smart to leave my car somewhere in Vegas. o_o  

[Eisoji]

So I'm waiting for June. I discussed it with Nathan and he agreed that if he comes down in June we'll both have more time and money. I just hate waiting. sad

Oh, and now I must find a way to get around 12,000 gold in the next month. I want to try and get my boy some thing for our 6 month anniversary. (I'm trying for the Summoning Tome. It'll go with his Avi really well) And of course I'm sending him an actual gift. :3

*EDIT* Okay, I know how I want to try and earn the rest of the money for his gaia gift. I want to open an art shop but seein' as I've never tried to open one before I'd like any advice anyone could give. Please and thank you. biggrin  

[Eisoji]

So. . . I sort of need to vent and/or get relationship advise. It's all because of me and none of it's his fault but I'm not sure how to fix it.

I get jealous extremely easily. It's happened since my first relationship but ever since I was cheated on it's just been worse. Nathan is wonderful and treats me better than any guy ever has. He's completely honest with me and we can talk for hours and still be having so much fun.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with him. But he has a lot of female friends. Which I should be able to understand since I've always gotten along better with guys than girls.

But every time he mentions one of those friends I just start feeling a bit down. I know part of that is my bad self-esteem and us being so far apart. Part of me can't help but think he'd be happier with someone else.

I have brought this up with him. He sighs and tells me he loves me and that he's happy with me. And that's all that matters. I believe him, but that stupid feeling won't go away. And I don't know how to fix it.  

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I think jealousy is one of those things that everyone has to work through at some point.
For me it's past girlfriends.
Not that I'm worried about any of them popping back up and stealing him away.
It just makes me jealous that several other someones have been with the one I now care about.
So much so that I don't want to hear about anything to do with his past relationships.
I just don't want to think about it.

Speaking from experience, been-there-done-that long distance thing, I know it's hard to not be jealous of the opposite gender that gets to spend more time than you do with that special someone. But I also know that when you're jealous and suspicious of female friends, it makes it look like you don't trust your sweetie, instead of it being an internal struggle with self-esteem.

I also tend to dwell on my own shortcomings, and think that someone else would be so much better for my guy, but I've come up with a few ways to keep those feelings away and stay positive. First I try to imagine someone caring more about him than I do. At this point I just don't think that's possible, and it sounds about the same for you and your feelings for Nathan. Then I tell myself that no one is perfect, everyone has issues, and there's no guarantee that if I cut him loose he'd find someone who would be better for him or could make him happier than I can. Maybe that's the wrong way to go about it, but it makes me feel better about slogging on through my inability to allow people to get close to me. I'm seriously the poster-girl for trust issues.

Anyway, with all that said, it's pretty much a battle you have to fight for yourself. Just remember that everyone deals with insecurities of one kind or another, and if he says he's happy and he loves you, and you trust him, then that should be enough to keep you going until you can be together. I know it's much easier said than done, but unfortunately that's all the advice I can offer you. Take it one day at a time. I wish you all the best.  

[Eisoji]

Thanks for the advice, Deadly. It does help hearing it from people who have been in long distance relationships. It's hard, but I really do love him so I know it'll be worth it. I just need t focus on feeling better about myself. He helps me with that a lot actually. heart

As an actual sort of entry: I've started going for runs everyday. I need to start getting in shape. XP While I was out today I saw my ex and his new girlfriend. I had some issues in the past with her; it wasn't either of our faults, but we did not speak for about a month. We're back to being friends now so we all stopped to chat for a minute. They were riding a 4-wheeler and looked like they were having fun.

Now had this happened last year chances are I would have come home and cried over it. I had been crazy over this boy, and seeing him with a different girl always used to hurt. But since I've been with Nathan I don't care anymore. I mean I'm glad he's happy with such a nice girl, but I wasn't jealous in the least little bit.

That made me happy. :3  

[Eisoji]

My art shop is open! Go see!  

[Eisoji]

The infinity hat is my friend. X3 I've made quite a bit of gold off of it.  

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Awesome.
I need to get one.  

[Eisoji]

At the least you get a nice hat out of it. *nod*

Can anyone give me a bit of technical help? My laptop's been acting up lately. Slow, trying to freeze up, that sort of thing. I've done scans on it and removed certain stuff from it but it still tends to act up. Especially with YIM. Anybody got any ideas on how to fix that?  

[Eisoji]

Another post Go here Nathan isn't really on the guild much so he wouldn't think of posting about it here, but he'd really like some people to read his story. So if you can, please drop by and comment? I know he'd really appreciate it.  

[Eisoji]

Going to Disneyland in two weeks. Wheee!