stoner quotes

[Just Neva]

So, my friends and I have this joke that "my door is nailed shut"
and the other night they were talking about how it needed to be opendand my friend was like "I'm gonna get the pry bar after you!!: in a a funny redneck-ish voice.

Then earlier today I was like "Bill got speared in the refrigerator"
but I meant "Beer got spilled in the refrigerator"

rofl  

[l u c i d x d r e a m s]

an hour ago-

*dad walks into room*
why are you up so late?
me- I swear togod I'm not high.
dad-I didn't ask you Tristin.
me-oh....then uhhh, lets try that agin.
dad- -_-* if you need me call me.
*walks out of room*  

[Bonquchko]

Me and my friend were sitting in my garage, smoking a bowl. He passes it to me and I just stare at it like I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He looks at me and asks, "Yo, dude, you got it?"

And I look up at him and I said, "Dude...Is Morgan Freeman REALLY God?"

Because I had been thinking that if God took a physical form, it'd be Morgan Freeman  

[Mizz Faith]

I never really say stupid stuff. At least not that *I* remember, lol. But some of my friends, lord. They'll be swearing up and down they can't breathe, can't talk, will start babbling about stuff we talked about hours before, say that they heard sirens, etc. Ok ok I admit, I heard the sirens once (and no, there were none around) but I'm still convinced that stuff was laced 3nodding

 

[Indie Jesus]

"You guys are like...my subconcious...please dont take over my mind..."
Haha my friends and I were completely stoned and shroomin and I said that to them as were walking through some forest at like midnight.  

[Indie Jesus]

l u c i d x d r e a m s

an hour ago-

*dad walks into room*
why are you up so late?
me- I swear togod I'm not high.
dad-I didn't ask you Tristin.
me-oh....then uhhh, lets try that agin.
dad- -_-* if you need me call me.
*walks out of room*

Hahaha thats so epic.
My dad walked into my room one time and I had some friends over and we were playing video games he had this big grin on his face and his eyes were like half open and hes Says
"What are you guys doin?"
I replied"Uhhh,playing Call of Duty,why?"
Dad "Mm.....thats good."
and then he proceeds to exit the room.
My dad was stoned.  

[Fog Machine]

Me and my friend where toking in his garage.
Me: Dude your neighbor knows we are in here, he's gonna call the government man.
Him: You are my neighbor.
Me: Exactly, the governments gonna bomb us for smoking on there property.
Him: This isn't the government property.
Me:Exactly! Buts it'll all be okay, cause we will remain here as ghost.
Him: What?
Me: Exactly, and whenever anyone walks over this spot from now on they will smell pot and hear two stoners giggling.
Him: Dude your ******** high.
Me: Exactly.

 

[Bonquchko]

Ice Cold Faerie

Me and my friend where toking in his garage.
Me: Dude your neighbor knows we are in here, he's gonna call the government man.
Him: You are my neighbor.
Me: Exactly, the governments gonna bomb us for smoking on there property.
Him: This isn't the government property.
Me:Exactly! Buts it'll all be okay, cause we will remain here as ghost.
Him: What?
Me: Exactly, and whenever anyone walks over this spot from now on they will smell pot and hear two stoners giggling.
Him: Dude your ******** high.
Me: Exactly.

Most epic, my friend, indeed, most epic  

[Fog Machine]

Bonquchko

Ice Cold Faerie

Me and my friend where toking in his garage.
Me: Dude your neighbor knows we are in here, he's gonna call the government man.
Him: You are my neighbor.
Me: Exactly, the governments gonna bomb us for smoking on there property.
Him: This isn't the government property.
Me:Exactly! Buts it'll all be okay, cause we will remain here as ghost.
Him: What?
Me: Exactly, and whenever anyone walks over this spot from now on they will smell pot and hear two stoners giggling.
Him: Dude your ******** high.
Me: Exactly.

Most epic, my friend, indeed, most epic

exactly
rofl

 

[Zalinzurai]

Me: Heeeeey guys!

Tyler: Are you high? hahahaha

Me: ********, I don't know. Maybe?

Amba: Yeah He's high.

Me: No! You!

Amba: Me what?

Me: ......haha whut?

Tyler: Hahahaha Kevin

Me: That's Kevin the Maaaaaaaaaan to you! Hahahaha

Amba: Kevin who?

Me: Kevin what? Wait...Whut? Who's Kevin?

Tyler: You

Me: I am? ....Oh ******** that's right! I am!

Me: Who are you?

Tyler: Your face.

Me: Oh s**t!

Yeah...it went something like that. That was about a week ago hahaha.  

[Darth_Nader]

What my sister always tell me, wether she's stoned or sober:

"Stay blazed in a haze 'till the end of your days"

I had those words engraved down my 4-footer's neck  

[BaylieJae OpenEyes]

"Buh-buh-buh-baaaabe?!"
"What Baylie?"
"I have to pee in the sink...will you hold my hand?"
"Why the sink?!?!?!"
"Because the toilet will eat my butt!"

My first time with a bong(cleared it YAY!) after two blunts and a T joint. I ended up peeing in the tiolet and saying "I did it all by myself E-e-eric!

xd rofl  

[The Wrathful Chizuko]

Favorite Stoner Quote:

"Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?"  

[HippieKrowly]

The Wrathful Chizuko

Favorite Stoner Quote:

"Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?"

ahhh i was going to say that too lol  

[butsnif]

funny things people have said to me when they are so stoned that ... you know...the language thing...doesnt work....right:

"pass me the ...white" (milk)

"in the ...cold cupboard" (fridge)

(on handing someone a beer to try)
"what do you think?"
"...it went inside my body"
nice review!