Eh, Fudgemonkeys. -- A collection of thoughts.

[Obliviosity]

11-22-10

So... I have no idea about thanksgiving.
Brothers and kayla still want to do something.
Mother doesn't thanks to past family arguments during celebrations.
Father doesn't want to stress mother.

Ugh.
I don't know.

I know that I will be putting Christmas together myself, though. Even if I have to do all of the cooking, cleaning and decorating. I don't give a damn. it's being done.

But... On a much happier note...
Andrew and I.
Hah. He said he loved me.
Ironic thing is, I was convinced that he was getting bored of me.
But what I forgot is that he gets quiet and a little distant when he's really thinking about something.
But now... Things are great.
I can't wait for the future.

<3

 

[Obliviosity]

12-28-10

Things are going exceptionally well with Andrew,
Starting classes again on the 3rd.
Need to deposit money into the bank tomorrow.
Got my brother's old car for Christmas.

Hopefully things continue along this upward climb for a while.

 

[Obliviosity]

1-10-11

I had a bit of a breakdown last night.
I don't know why.
I kind of do, but... I don't know, it's so frustrating...

And now I'm incredibly tired; I almost fell asleep multiple times in Art History today.

Just pull through today, maybe things will get better tomorrow...

 

[Obliviosity]

1-29-11

Why is it that every time things start looking up, there's always some stupid self-inflicted thing that brings me down again?

I wish I didn't have such low self-esteem. I would be a much better friend, girlfriend, and person in general.

 

[Obliviosity]

1-31-11

My throat hurts so bad.
Not generally sore, but a sharp pain.
Hello, bacterial infection. And salt water.

=3=

 

[Obliviosity]

4-13-11
I am happy.
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
You know why?

Quote:

(1:29:36 AM) Sigue: I wasn't really expecting a relationship with you. I wasn't really even sure if I wanted a relationship in general. Even when we'd first gotten together I wasn't really sure how long we'd last and was sort of skeptical that it'd wind up being some short-term relationship.
(1:31:02 AM) Sigue: I guess that's changed at some point. I'm actually slightly embarrassed that I've gotten so into a relationship like ours, considering the situation we're in. I think a lot about us living together, things you'd look cute in, and recently a lot of how you'd be once you get a little less shy, lol.
(1:32:52 AM) Sigue: Either way, you do mean a lot to me...and I've found myself much more inclined to be in a relationship than I ever thought I really would be again.

On an unrelated topic: Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of my father breaking his ankle. He's healed rather well. Unfortunately though he's having a bit of hip trouble thanks to having to compensate for his ankle with unnatural movement of sorts. Doctors say he'll have ot have it replaced eventually. the eventually is just depending on how long it takes for the pain to become unbearable.  

[Obliviosity]

7/11/11

Well... Today is our first anniversary. I'm happy that we've made it to the year mark.
Part of me thinks that he forgot, though. -.-
Innocent until proven guilty though. I'll see when he gets off of work.
I think I'm just worrying too much based on his not remembering our 6-month. But that's not something every person strives to remember, and regarding the situation back then I guess I don't really blame him.

I hate hormones. They make me paranoid.  

[Obliviosity]

Life is weird.

 

[Obliviosity]

1/17/2012

Well. It's been just over a year and a half.
We've had our laughs, our good and bad times, our fights, and everything in between.

And... it's over now.

I am thankful though. In losing a boyfriend, I have at least retained a worthwhile friend.

I'm sad. Really, really sad, but... Some day I'll be okay. I'll look back on this with a heavy heart, but I will also be able to smile, remembering the good times we had.

In the end... I just want him to be happy.

 

[Feezle]

I'm hijacking this topic, since the account that made it is my old one.

It's kind of become a relationship diary centered around Andrew.

Well... He's back in my life again, yet I'm not quite sure to what extent. He's been incredibly supporting and affectionate recently.

Though I suppose I should back up a bit. In July, I decided to contact him again out of the blue. It used to be that every time I thought of him, I either felt my chest tighten, sick to my stomach, or wanted to cry. But after I realized that I could think back on our past friendship and not feel like someone was pressing into my torso some way or another, I knew I wanted to try to be friends again.

First it was a bit awkward -- I eventually had to explain that I wanted to talk to him. It gradually progressed into more comfortable casual chatting.
Eventually we decided we wanted to play the new FF that just came out together. And somehow through getting swept up in that hype and kind of comrade through server-stalking, our chatting became more playful. He eventually expressed how he'd like to see my be the self he knew I was, rather than trying to force myself into some plain mold. I said I would try.
Since then, we've gotten closer. He then proposed a sort-of FWB RP type scenario. By then I had already had a two to three day period where I was constantly on edge and anxious, realizing that I still had strong feelings for him. He expressed he still had some feelings for me as well. With knowing that it wasn't just my imagination, and that he wasn't just toying with me, it relaxed me.

However in light of recent events, I am wondering if more is developing beneath the surface that just hasn't breached yet. I've been consulting with a good friend of mine over everything, and he believes that Andrew, after time had passed after our breakup, had a "Well... I ******** up moment." At first I dismissed the thought, but now I am starting to wonder if that is the case.
This is way more than normal affection.  

[Feezle]

Recently my thoughts have been sobering up a bit.

Yes, I'm enjoying spending time with him again, and nearly swoon at every little bit of affection, but I can't help but wonder if this is really a good idea.

I am not sure, honestly... Time will tell, I feel.