Zorlock's Epic Battle of Epicness

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D7A2

MISS! 32 HP remaining!

Z pulls out a Naruto Kunai and runs to the next house, hurling the weapon as he switches positions. It clatters against the wall and lands on the ground. Z rolls his eyes. "Typical."  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D8A1

HIT! 3 damage! 29 HP remaining!

"This is quickly growing tiresome," the Labtech calls out. "You can't defeat me. Thanks to scientific experimentation and a thoughtless disregard for human life, I am superior to you ordinary Gaians."

As the Labtech gloats, Z uses the time to sneak around and reposition himself behind a tree, where he digs around in his hat until he finds the Assassin's Guise sniper rifle. He peers around the trunk and takes a shot, barely grazing the Labtech's cheek.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D8A2

MISS! 29 HP remaining!

The Labtech shifts his gaze to Zorlock's position. "Found you!"

Z hastily fires a second shot, but the Labtech pulls some Wesker-style speed and dodges, then quickly rushes straight toward him, scalpels in hand.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D9A1

MISS! 29 HP remaining!

The Labtech approaches at alarming speed, and Z stumbles backwards, tripping over a rock and falling on his back, just in time to avoid having his throat sliced open. His gun goes off on impact with the ground, sending a stray bullet over the Labtech's head.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D9A2

MISS! 29 HP remaining!

Reacting out of panic, Zorlock reaches into his hat and pulls out the first thing he finds: Tangled Christmas Lights. He hurls them at the looming Labtech, and though they cause no damage, they do buy him some time to retreat as the Labtech struggles to escape the festive makeshift net.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D10A1

HIT! 14 damage! 15 HP remaining!

The Labtech escapes the tangled lights, but Z has since disappeared. Hiding behind another house, Z tries to think of a new plan. The Labtech calls out to him mockingly. "Where'd you go, little specimen? What happened to all your bravado? Suddenly wishing you hadn't challenged me, aren't you? Well it's too late for regrets. Come out and fight!"

"Easy for you to say," Z mutters to himself. "You've got superhuman abilities. I've just got a magical hat filled with things I apparently don't know how to use very well."

The Labtech starts searching, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, taunting his prey all the while. "It's really a shame you didn't just submit. You may have ended up with powers like mine. But you chose the hard way, so now you'll likely end up on the autopsy table. No Vial of Unknown Liquid for you, I'm afraid."

Zorlock blinks. Unknown Liquid? Is that what gave the Labtech his powers? He digs around in his hat, and eventually pulls out a Vial. Without a second thought, he downs the contents. Worst case scenario? His body would dissolve into a puddle of goo. But Z decides it's worth the risk to avoid being a lab rat.

As the Labtech searches, Z steps out from behind cover. The Labtech grins. "Come to your senses, have you? Decided to surrender?"

"Something like that." Zorlock drops the empty vial on the ground. The Labtech watches it fall, and has only a brief second to recognize it before Z rushes forward and slams his palm into the Labtech's chest, sending him hurling back to collide with a tree.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D10A2

MISS! 15 HP remaining!

Briefly stunned from the impact, the Labtech recovers, a look of surprise evident on his face. "Where did you get that vial?!"

Zorlock shrugs. "You'd be surprised what you can find on Gaia's marketplace these days." Without hesitating, he sprints forward again and launches a punch at the Labtech's face. But the Labtech's surprise has worn off, and he dodges the blow, leaping skyward.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D11A1

HIT! 11 damage! 4 HP remaining!

Zorlock leaps up after the Labtech, catching him in midair and grabbing him by the ankle. "We are not turning this into some kind of air-based, DBZ-style battle, you hear me? Get back down there!" With a grunt, he swings the Labtech around, hurling him back to collide heavily with solid ground.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D11A2

MISS! 4 HP remaining!

C'mon, dice! Don't do this to me again!

As he drops back to earth, Z pulls one of his favorite possessions out of his hat: the Ancient Naginata. Pointing it straight down, he aims to spear through the Labtech as he lands.

Unfortunately, the Labtech still has his wits about him, and he rolls away from the point of impact, avoiding the deadly blow by a few hairs.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D12A1

HIT! 9 damage! 0 HP remaining!

Labtech has been defeated!

The Labtech, fuming with rage, brandishes half a dozen scalpels between his fingers. "I refuse to be defeated by a mere specimen! You will submit to me!!" With a roar, he hurls four of the surgical knives, then follows after them, wielding the final two.

Zorlock, blessed with new skills thanks to the Unknown Liquid, easily deflects each of the four scalpels with his Naginata. He rushes toward the Labtech, meeting him head-on.

A flash!

Silence.

The two stand still, their backs to each other, their weapons extended, having made their final attacks. The Labtech smiles, then pitches forward into the dirt, bleeding out his life's energy.

Zorlock lowers his weapon and feels with one hand the gash he received to his arm. He glances back at the Labtech, now dead, and bows his head respectfully.

Then he snaps out of the Old Samurai mentality, returns all his gear to his magical Xmas hat, and decides to find out once and for all what's going on.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D12A2

MISS! 70 HP remaining!

After his battle, Z realizes where he needs to go. If Grunnies and Labtechs are involved in this attack, then there can only be one person behind it all: Johnny K. Gambino. With that in mind, he travels north to Gambino's mansion.

As he travels, he can feel the effects of the Unknown Liquid wearing off. He doesn't have any more vials, so he'll have to survive on his wits alone from this point on.

Upon arrival at the mansion, he bribes his way past the guards with Stacks of Gold he has leftover from the summer camp event. He enters the vast estate and begins looking around. Throughout his search, he notices one thing: not a single Xmas decoration is in sight. No trees, no lights, no tinsel...nothing. Either Gambino is Jewish, or he's going through a period of serious Grinchitude right now.

Zorlock finally locates the man in a large study, slouching in an armchair as he clutches a goblet of wine and stares into a burning fireplace. He appears to be muttering to himself.

"Modmas... Hmph... How dare they? Don't they know I'm the most important man in Gaia? How could they hold an Xmas event without me? This Modmas is a sham, and I refuse to let it continue!"

"Well, that makes it easy," Zorlock says aloud, causing Gambino to stand swiftly from his chair to turn and face him. "Now I don't have to question you about your motives."

"Who are you?!" Gambino roars.

"Me? I'm just a Gaian. A Gaian celebrating the season. I'm here to get you to stop trying to destroy Modmas. How 'bout it, big guy?"

Gambino hurls his goblet to the floor. "Never! I will not let this Modmas business go on! You Gaians have forgotten all about me!"

"So you thought you'd remind us by sending Grunnies and Labtechs to kill us all? Yeah, that's a good plan." Zorlock scratches his chin. "Y'know what I think? I think you're just not in the proper frame of mind. You don't have that Xmas spirit about you. But I think I know how to fix that."

Without waiting for a reply, Z reaches into his hat and pulls out some Tangled Christmas Lights, then begins stringing them up around the room.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D13A1

MISS! 70 HP remaining!

"What do you think you're doing!?" Gambino bellows.

"I'm decorating, of course. You can't get in the Xmas spirit without Xmas decorations."

"I don't want to be in the Xmas spirit!" Gambino fumes.

Zorlock frowns. "Guess I need to try a little harder."  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D13A2

MISS! 70 HP remaining!

Reaching into his hat, Z pulls out a Gingerbread Man Cookie and offers it to Gambino, who promptly bites its head off and spits it out, then scowls at him.

Z rubs the back of his head. "Not a fan of gingerbread, I guess? Fair enough. Let's try something else."  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D14A1

MISS! 70 HP remaining!

This time, Z offers Gambino a cup of Eggnog with Cinnamon Stick. Gambino swats it out of his hands, spilling the contents on the floor.

Z sighs. "You're a stubborn one, aren't you? But I'm not giving up. I know there's something about Xmas you like. I just have to find it."  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D14A2

HIT! 19 damage! 51 HP remaining!

Once again, Z searches through his hat, this time producing a Plate of Cookies and Milk. Gambino's eyes light up briefly, but then he frowns and turns his back to Zorlock.

But Zorlock saw it. He saw that glint in Gambino's eyes. He grins and sets the snack on a desk nearby. He has made a dent in Gambino's anti-Xmas barrier. Now he just has to break through the rest of it.