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 Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:00 pm
Asper had been offhandedly listening to each and every story that had been told. He was a little impressed by some, while others were just plain ridiculous. He'd lived something of a boring life, really, so personal experience really didn't do him justice. He'd have to come up with something jaw-dropping on his own.
Something... amazing. Something fantastic and awe-inspiring.
Problem was, he couldn't really think of anything.
So he lied.
"Alright, now, I've got you all beat. All of you. Settle down and listen up, because this story is just about the best - and truest - story you've ever heard. It's a story about love and heartbreak, duty and emotion. And it's true, don't forget that."
Asper cleared his throat.
"So, my brother and I were uh. We were on our way, leaving our home because we didn't want to have to fight to stay. There was uh. Well. We traveled for a long long time, and my brother thought that we should um. Well, we should find a place to stay. I thought that was a pretty good idea, and being the eldest, I figured it would be my job to find food."
He cleared his throat again.
"So I went off to find food and the Gods were smiling down upon me because I brought down a huge antelope all by myself - it was pretty amazing. So, um. After we ate, I decided to take a walk. And I was walking and the stars were out and I was uh. I was walking and then all of a sudden right in front of me there was a Goddess. She uh. She was hurt. Sprained her uh. Her ear."
Right. Hurt. He smacked his lips together nervously.
"And so I helped her find a hiding place and she said that I was her hero and that she was indebted to me, and she asked what I wanted in return. I didn't say anything - not because I'm a gentleman, but because I really couldn't think of anything I wanted. So she was like. Swooning and s**t, and batting her eyes at me and leaning into me and like. Yeah, this is a Goddess - don't forget that - she had like.. wings and hair and s**t - and she kept talking about how handsome I was and how my mane looked like gold in the pale moonlight and my eyes were like green stars."
There was only one way this story could end.
"And so we totally did it."
Asper once more cleared his throat.
"Yeah. I did it with a Goddess."
He lifted his eyebrows.
"Like six times."
He puffed out his chest.
"In one night."
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:18 pm
Quote:  "That might be the case," Halvdan admitted, keeping a perfectly straight face, "But it doesn't change the fact that I was the last one standing."
He too looked up to try to see what was making that noise, but the creature threatening to eat them remained hidden. The reaver considered the possibility to shake whatever it was down from the tree, but decided it would be too much work. If it was small enough to stay hidden up there it was probably not large enough to be a threat, so he decided to ignore the nuisance and hope it'd go away.
The interjection from the tortoise was both interesting and slightly confusing. And it seemed to have spooked Galning, adding some amusement. He roared his appreciation when Asper told his tale.
"You're not supposed to finish that quickly," he said to Asper, "Six times? A real stormborn can keep going all night without breaks. My personal record is all night and the better part of the morning..."Quote:  The genet fumed silently up its tree. The lions and various wildlife showed no signs of going away or shutting up. Instead they kept telling stories, one more fantastic that the next. She shook her head and crept further down to hear what they were talking about. Crocodiles and elephants and goddesses.
"I saw a wing lion," she interjected. "Big and strange long half-mane but not a girl."
She couldn't understand why the lion telling the story would want to mate with a wing-lion. She wasn't against mating, but she had standards. Like... Warm, alive and her own species. Involving wings and s**t would be a bit of a turn-off.
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:22 pm
He should have said sixteen times. Great. Pinning back his ears, Asper shot Halvdan a dirty look.
"I wasn't even finished talking. It was six times the first night. And then when I woke up in the morning, it was four times - by that point, she was crying about how tired she was, and so I decided to go catch her some breakfast."
Asper huffed in annoyance before clearing his throat with a roll of his eyes.
"So after I dropped a wildebeest - by myself after a night of rutting on a Goddess - I dragged it back to her and after she ate we did it like... the rest of the day."
A pause.
"And the rest of the night."
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:18 am
No. Just no. There was no way Galning was going to let Asper get away with making a claim like that. It was payback time for all those instances in their youth when Asper (and everyone else, really) had made fun of him for having a name that meant "warm nose."
"Yeah...no," he said, dismissing his cousin's claims of sexual prowess. "I've known you basically since you were born, and I know for a fact there's no way you got it on with a goddess even once. Sorry, Coz, but that whole story's just completely implausible."
He shook his head as though pitying the fool who couldn't even come up with a believable story. He had been very considerate, he felt in not bringing up the fact that he was pretty sure Asper's thingy was puny compared to his own inconveniently massive tool. Speaking of which, he couldn't allow Asper to spread such falsehoods without trying to top his cousin. It would be unnatural
"Myself, I will admit I've never had sex with a goddess, but that's because the two I met that asked me - begged me, really - weren't up to my standards. A man's got to have standards, y'know." He gave Inyoni a significant look before continuing, as if to let her know that she lived up to his standards, if she was interested.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:25 am
"I can prove it."
Wait, what?
"I mean, not now because we're busy, but. Maybe when we get home."
If they got home.
Just keep digging that hole, Asper. He only hoped that Galning would forget by the time they were ready to head back to the pride - if that ever happened.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:34 am
"Pshaw!" Galning ejaculated dismissively. "Sure you can. I bet she's from that Canada place, right? Like the last one."
There was no way Galning would allow his cousin to get out of this one gracefully. He had really put his foot in it, and was proceeding to fellate the appendage. No. Galning was enjoying this way too much to let it go. He would remind Asper of his claims every day until they got home. And once they got home he would tell Atheris and Timorien and everyone else in the family. This would be a tale of humiliation to be enjoyed for generations to come.
So Galning was grinning like a goof, pleased that Asper had made a claim there was no way he could back up, and even more pleased that no one had expressed any doubt as to his own claim of rejecting two goddesses for not being good enough for him, which had been complete bollocks.
"If you can produce this bow-legged goddess, I will eat whatever you say." After a moment's thought he hastened to add, "Only one thing, and only once. And nothing poisonous."
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:55 am
Quote: Halvdan raised one eyebrow. This was almost turning more interesting than the storytelling.
"And what's the punishment if he can't produce the Goddess," he asked innocently, "Better decide all the details on that bet now while all witnesses are present."
If the boys were going to make utter fools of themselves it would only be right to make sure they did it properly. Halvdan had made enough half-witted bets in his life to know the loop holes.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:59 am
Halvdan was once more the recipient of a very nasty look.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:01 am
Galning flashed Halvdan an appreciative grin. He'd forgotten all about the fact that Asper should have to pay some forfeit when he couldn't prove that his obviously fake story was the truth. He didn't bother to try to suppress the gleeful chuckle that burbled out of his belly, but he did stop it from turning into a girlish giggle. His natural laugh was closer to a girlish giggle, but that wasn't manly. Obviously. Or else it would be called a manly giggle.
"I think," he said, speaking slowly to draw out the moment and the tension. "If he can't produce the goddess then he has to let us paint something onto his hide. Anything we want, but not with permanent pigment."
Galning was already imagining the way he could turn his cousin's hide into a walking advertisement for certain services. And dicks. All the dicks.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:04 am
"This isn't a good idea." "Of course it's a good idea. They won't know what hit them, and I think it's hilarious!" "You're ridiculous, Keshi." " You're ridiculous, Ping." The hummingbird clacked his beak quietly, adjusting his weight on frail feet before leaning forward to fuss with the feathers of Keshi's current form. They'd been swooping around, the hummingbird and his Goddess, when she'd overheard the tales being told by the band of lions nearby. They were good, humorous tales, and Keshi was drawn to the lions because of this. As the Goddess of Humor, anything that invoked the emotion had the habit of drawing her in - and when she'd heard the story of the patchy, blonde lion and his interaction with the dark, pale-maned lion with the irregular splotches, well. She was hooked. "Watch. Watch, Ping. Are you watching?" Keshi fluffed the wings of her avian form, preening quickly before taking flight. After making a low, lazy loop, she cawwed out a soft, "Watch, Ping!" before sailing down into the fray, retaining her ravenesque shape until the perfect moment presented itself. This was going to be the best thing ever. She landed close to the patchy blonde male and waited for his rebuttal, fairly quivering with excitement. Meanwhile, Asper was fighting the urges to both club his cousin and/or claw Halvdan's face off. He gave the pale-aqua bird a dismissive look when it landed. They'd been attracting all sorts of creatures for whatever reason, and so the sudden appearance of the bird wasn't entirely out of the ordinary. "I said later - not now, Galning - because we're kind of busy," no, they weren't, "and I can't just... squeeze my eyes shut and make her appear." Asper squeezed his eyes shut mockingly and pursed his lips. There would be no better chance. Keshi immediately shifted into her true form, glasslike wings flaring out as they bobbed quaintly against her back. Her full tail curled around her paws as she leaned in and whispered breathlessly against Asper's ear. "Oh, there you are. I've missed you so much, ah," what was his name again? Drat. She shot Ping a look. He was too busy rolling his eyes to notice, so Uchekeshi merely smiled as brightly as she could and sallied forth with a crooned, " handsome." Asper just about pissed himself, his eyes shooting open. Peridot clashed with amethyst for a brief moment before he realized what, exactly, was going on. Needless to say, he had a wide, s**t-eating grin on his face as he gave his cousin a look. A very 'I told you so' look. "I was just talking about you, beautiful." He refused to falter, he refused to balk. He had to go along with it. After all, his manhood depended on it - and Asper was a very, very manly lion. A very smug, manly lion. Uchekeshi was too busy stifling her laughter to respond.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:11 am
Quote: "I'm glad that's settled," Halvdan said with a toothy grin, "Now... Back to the storytelling perhaps?"
It was an interesting choice of punishment, but eating anything Asper could think of still sounded like a worse deal, so for his sake he hoped that no Goddess would materialise out of thin air.
"Have you heard about the vittra?" Halvdan asked, "You might actually have seen one without realizing. They look a lot like us..."
Any old blood Stormborn would probably know these legends and stories about vittra, but since a fair number of the group members were outlander born they might not have encountered these tales. Halvdans mother had told him about the mysterious vittra when he was little, and he had learned ways to avoid upsetting them.
"They're much like us," he said, "And they hunt their own herds of vitter-prey. Sometimes one of their herds will cross our lands, but they are almost impossible to catch if you don’t know how to trick them. The weirdest thing about them that a kill will always feed the entire hunting party. No more, and no less."
But he wasn't here to educate the outlanders about these mysterious beings or how to steal a meal from their herds. There was a story in this and once he got the basics out of the way he started telling it.
"As you surely know a vittra looks almost like a lion," he started, "usually very pretty or handsome, but in a not-of-this-world way. And no matter how pretty they look, it's a really bad idea to try to mate with one."
He looked at Asper, and then at Galning before continuing.
"I very nearly made that mistake," he said.
And then his jaw dropped open when a freaking Goddess appeared out of thin air. For a few frightening heartbeats he thought he had managed to summon one of the vittra by talking about them.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:18 am
Galning had been perfectly content to listen to Halvdan's story about the vittra. He'd never heard of them before, having been born an outlander, and he desperately wanted to learn more. Then he'd have new stories to bring back to Yolla. Besides tales of his own prowess and his cousin's foolishness, of course. But then, like Halvdan, his attention was arrested utterly by something else.
"Ah..." Galning gaped, his jaw dropping at the sudden materialization of what was undeniably a goddess. This was just not possible. He knew Asper had been lying. All the tells had been there.
"Guh?" he tried again. "Hrrbl."
Clearly the talking thing wasn't working. Maybe it was the goddess's doing. He looked toward Ru, hoping the captain would have some contribution to make here, but it seemed Ru was just as amused as everyone else present, his mirth manifesting as a quick, sharp-toothed grin and flashing green eyes. At least he wasn't laughing at Galning's misfortune.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:21 am
Quote: "Like that one but brown!" the genet squealed. "Where did it come from?"
Gigantic winged lionesses appearing out of nowhere was apparently exciting enough to make the genet forget all about hiding. So if someone, for some reason looked up the tree they'd be able to see her poke her head down. She eyed the small bird hungrily. It would probably be incredibly dumb to try something funny since the bird hovered around the newly materialized goddess, but it did look tasty.
"Lion eat bird," she asked, because she knew there had been talk about someone eating something just a moment ago. And the only edible thing she could see was the hummingbird.
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:36 am
Quote: It took some effort for him to close his mouth and compose himself. It looked as if Asper had told the truth about the Goddess part at least. Fancy that. And on that note... It was probably time for a diversion before the cousins killed each other.
"Ahem, well," Halvdan said, doing his best not to sound shaky, "If it’s all the same to you I will continue my story."
Now what was he going to say? Vittra... right. If he had been more familiar with the way gods and goddesses could change their own appearances he might have thought twice about how she might use their legends. There was huge potential for scaring the crap out of or at least messing with Stormborn who believed vittra were real.
"Right," he said, "As I mentioned, there’s always a tell when you’re dealing with vittra. Sometimes they forget their tail, and other times... Well, I’ll get to that part. Now, I once met a very beautiful and flirty lioness in the outlands, but the odd thing was that she seemed to make a point of never showing her backside."
He paused to allow for a**-related jokes or other interjections from the audience.
"It wasn't for lack of trying, mind you," he continued, "But as flirty as she was, she never once showed that arse. I started to find the mixed signals confusing and I started to think about my father and his stories. When she asked me to return with her to her den I started getting really suspicious, especially when she wanted me to walk in front."
He paused again, surveying his audience. This would be a more exciting story to those who knew how dangerous it could be to be taken by the vittra.
"My father once captured one of the vittra as a thrall," he said, "And they are even harder to catch than the Vitter-prey! You need to bind them with magic means before trying to take them out, and the only way to make them stay is to bind them with powerful magic, or marry them. But such a wife can only mean trouble, so my father released her eventually. But I digress... If this lioness was really vittra, and I wanted to get out with my life and sanity intact I needed to think fast."
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 9:05 am
He was out of stories, but the young lion couldn't help gawking at the goddess. WELL... He moved his mouth for a bit, then finally erupted with the one burning question he just HAD to ask. "Is it true a lion can do IT with a goddess all night and well into the day?" Did any lion HAVE that kind of stamina? On his back, Nondo clacked her beak, clearly laughing. "I can imagine a male god could do it with a lioness, as irritated as she might eventually get, but gods don't really need to EAT, do they? Or drink... Or really STOP..." He trailed off, ears folding back just a bit. Okay, now he was starting to feel stupid with his observations.
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