[FIN] sad friends (moms & jeremiah)

[cibarium]

"What?"

That new insight about Ezra broke Leila's trance enough to make her interject, a little too loud -- Julian's finches could be heard griping in momentary distress before settling back to sleep seconds later. She turned her head sharply, weary cool gray eyes darting between Eve and Jeremiah, then back to her wife again.

Eve was just as shocked. Even further, the way the pieces were clicking together in her mind was chilling her to the bone.

"He's told me as much, about the pain," she recalled. Her eyes were wide and contemplative and very, very yellow as she stared ahead of her at nothing. "And I think that second bit was referring to me."

No sense in being indirect about it.

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

Jeremiah looked to Leila, not quite expecting her to react like that but then he was looking to Eve and-

His eyes widened a bit, blinking as he took that in. "... that's ... well," he let out a breath, "it would explain your interactions with him." Though what was discussed hadn't been talked about, there had always been an implication of familiarity.

Jeremiah's lips twitched a moment.

"You do realize there's some implication in there that in another cycle you might have been my grandmother." Which was as ever as he would come close to admitting that Ezra was a father to him; was such even before he had become a Noble.

He glanced to Leila once more, vaguely concerned because of her outburst before he sighed. "I understand that I broke the deal, that he may have as well, but ... It's atrocious." What was done to him, what was done to Ezra. It was absolutely one of the most hurtful things that could be done.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Did I tell you he touched me?" Eve added, glancing back down at Jeremiah. "Like he could barely stand being apart from me. And he kept saying how I wasn't really the woman I reminded him of. It took me a while to realize he was repeating himself for his own sake."

Jer's next admission made her laugh a bit in spite of the grim backdrop it had. "I'm not sure we want that," she chided. "That would mean we share the same family, and you know about my family."

She went on to nod in quiet agreement with his opinions, having little of substance to add (she didn't know Sunny at all). It didn't matter that she didn't have a lot more to say anyway: the following silence was quickly interrupted with a punctuated sniffing noise.

Leila's wine glass was half empty on the coffee table, and she was crying and trying so hard not to be too noisy about it.

azuredrams

 

[azuredreams]

"No, you never mentioned that." He also agreed with what she thought that meant; that Ezra was reminding himself for his own sake. "... but it does put things in perspective. His touch isn't-" a breath, "it doesn't hurt."

Jeremiah let out a huff at the comment about family, well aware of what she meant. "Considering my own," as she was also aware, "I would say that you would be a treasure to have."

Yet any other commentary came to end as those sniffles became more obvious. "Leila ..." he said slowly, not quite sure what was going on. He glanced towards Eve, not understanding what it was that had caused this.

The conversation was bitter in places but-

There was also the fact that seeing Leila crying wrenched at his heart.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Would you mind stepping out for a bit?" Eve's request was fast (much to Leila's relief) and apologetic (much to Leila's guilt). "Grab something to eat from our fridge if you want."

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

Jeremiah did not even hesitate. He pushed himself up with a quiet hiss of breath, leaned to press a kiss to Eve's cheek, and did as was asked.

"Of course, dear," he replied, "I'll go check in with the small ones as well." Which meant he was disappearing because, were he in the same situation with Alg, he'd do the same thing.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

Jeremiah would end up having to wait maybe ten or fifteen minutes in the backyard. The intermission's end was marked by Leila quietly coming outside to join him. She had changed into a new shirt, topped off her wine glass, and brought the bottle with her in case the detective was ready for some more.

"Hi," she weakly offered. "I... I'm sorry about Zac."

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

Jeremiah was ready for another glass and gave her a small smile as it was topped off. "It's alright," he replied, expression still pinched but eased somewhat because of location and company involved. "Or it will be, I'm not going to let it ... stay this way if I can help."

Then Jeremiah was looking her over, a soft exhale escaping. "... but what about you?" Would she be alright? The words were said slowly, a careful measure, because she had cried and it was her outside now.

Yet he was clearly leaving the door open for her. There was no pressure to explain, simply Jeremiah expressing a concern.

Especially since it had clearly been caused by what he had discussed.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"You shouldn't be worrying about me right now," Leila answered, with insincere candidness.

Then she sat down on the back porch, with her back against the half-open sliding glass door, and put the wine bottle down next to her. And spent a few minutes staring ahead and sipping at her glass in silence.

"Would it help to know you're not alone?"

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

Jeremiah just gave her a look and did not reply at her first reply. Mostly because he spent a great deal of his time worrying about others.

Instead he went and sat down next to her when she did, fingers tapping against the side of his glass.

"It's a mixed bag," he finally said after he watched her a moment. "No one should experience it," Jeremiah, for all the dark thoughts, could be a hopeless optimist, "but knowing that someone else is living with it," and still going through everything, "is reassuring and does help."

He did not assume that she meant Ezra and his mother, however.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

Leila nodded freely at the mixed-bag comment, in spite of herself and her reluctance to talk with Jeremiah about this at all. Thank God for wine. She was drinking hers as freely as she was expressing sympathy. "Well, this happened a long time ago, so it's not quite the same. And that's not the only thing that makes it different." Such as any hope of it being reversible. She squinted purposefully into her glass, a familiar enough look that hinted she was trying to figure out how to summarize a long story.

"You're always too observant for your own good, Mercer. So I'm honestly surprised you never noticed." The tone of her voice had shiveringly perched on the line between casual and professional. Neither end of the spectrum was making this feel any easier. "Remember about six years back, when I came back from medical leave? It took a while for me to enjoy mixed company again. And we never talked with people about having kids anymore."

Leila tried to somehow beam the understanding into Jeremiah's head that she was beyond desperate for him to not make sad faces at her. She didn't want sad faces, and that wasn't even the point in talking about this.

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

"You were ..." he trailed off. Mostly because he remembered that time as he had seen her, the way she had been at that point, and he had looked away because she had seemed to want that then.

Or so he assumed. Whatever it was, it had been private, and he had let his gaze slip away to afford her that courtesy even if he did care (because she was wife to Eve before she had become a friend; that she was a friend now made the first mean more).

Jeremiah watched her, his expression shifting into something carefully neutral because he could read it in her posture and the line of her shoulders. No sad faces, no sympathy, just listen. Even if his gut churned a bit.

"I do remember," he settled on, letting her proceed at her own pace.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Yeah... the first and last part are related. It turns out having kids wasn't something I could do for us." Leila looked to Jeremiah and grinned plaintively. "I'll spare you the details. But I think I understand how you must feel right now. You've... lost a lot. Even though you kind of haven't. So you're caught wondering how selfish you are." At the end of long sigh, she finished, "I know you're not, though."

azuredreams

 

[azuredreams]

Jeremiah blinked and then made sure to school his reaction into something that was more-

He did not know how to really react but he, without thinking, reached an arm out and squeezed her shoulder. Commiseration. Yet it was carefully managed and his hand fell back away.

"Yes," he sighed, taking a long drink of wine and then refilling the glass, "and the sense of ... failure as well." Yet he knew she would understand that.

Not being able to-

Of course she would understand.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

In response to the comforting hand being taken away, Leila shuffled over and leaned the full (and currently slightly more substantial than normal) weight of her body against Jeremiah's arm. Sorry, buddy, but you just learned her most intimate secret. You're in this friendship deep now.

She nodded empathetically with his input, but didn't say much, instead electing to drink more wine.

azuredreams