XXX JOKES

[Rinoa0000]

BigJammer

This man wanted to go out with his friends, but his wife wouldn't let him. So his friends tell him "just come with us and when you get home, just give your wife oral sex" So he agrees and they leave to a bar. When he gets home at night a lil drunk. He sees his wife on the bed, so he gets under the covers, pulls down her panties and does his thing. While she was moaning and stuff he realizes he has to go use the restroom. So he says "hey I gotta go pee I'll be right back". He runs to the bathroom and finds his wife sitting on the toilet. "Hey how did you get here so fast!!!" and she says "SHHHH you'll wake up my mother"

ohhhh dude that 's sick xp gonk rofl  

[Rinoa0000]

BigJammer

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch..


Again, could be stupid funny...

eh?  

[Rinoa0000]

moi think i have one


hey baby, whats up?
umm....nothing?
So....want me to like come over today so we can ********> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/  

[BigJammer]

Rinoa0000

moi think i have one


hey baby, whats up?
umm....nothing?
So....want me to like come over today so we can ********> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

rofl  

[velcro_freak]

One night a man brought his monkey to the bar, hoping it would help him get some chicks. About 15 minutes into the visit the monkey is eating everything, even some of the pool balls! The bartender is mildly perturbed by all of the things the monkey is eating, so he mentions it to the owner, and the owner says 'Oh, yeah, he does that sometimes. I'll pay for anything he eats.' This was sort of a bum night for the mokeyman, so he leaves the bar and returns about a week later monkey and all. The bartender offers the monkey a cherry, that the monkey promptly shoves up his butt, then eats. When the bartender exclaimed his dicomfert about what happened to the owner, he said 'Ever since that pool ball he does that with all his food.'
haha! ninja  

[Shadow_Qween]

lmfao  

[haloshatterer]

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .They don't have balls to scratch!

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.  

[Phoenixliv]

 

[Bone_Dancer]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel atached to his crotch.
The bartnder asks,"Hey, you, why do you have a steering wheel atached to yoiur crotch.
The pirate replies. Arrggg its driven me nuts.  

[~Before I Forget~]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the
side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband,
"It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and
let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it."
The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" said the wife?
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
unfortunately died at the scene.  

[Identity99]

Little Johnny and his father were taking a walk down the street when Johnny spotted two dogs going at it.
"Daddy, what are they doing?" He asked.
"Well, son, they are making a puppy."
"Oh."

That night Johnny is walking down the hallway in his home when he spots his parents having sex in their bedroom.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" He asked.
"We're making you a little brother!"
Johnny huffed and put his hands on his hips, "Well, flip her around! I'd RATHER have a puppy!"

xd  

[~Before I Forget~]

i just got this one random time when i was on a trip really board we had like 5 hours left for 13 hours so plz dont ask how this came to mind

my sisters were almost falling asleep but me hiped on ebergy drinks my mom focused on driving i had to do something to keep them up so first i said "hey mom whats the differns between a hair dryer and hair straightner?"then she said "i dont know what?"tell you the truth i dont no so if you drive up my butt west hairy street will be the hardist to drive upha it was funny my sisters didnt stop laphing for a hour and my mom had to pull over she was laphing so hard my mom got on the road again and drove on  

[haloshatterer]

Identity99

Little Johnny and his father were taking a walk down the street when Johnny spotted two dogs going at it.
"Daddy, what are they doing?" He asked.
"Well, son, they are making a puppy."
"Oh."

That night Johnny is walking down the hallway in his home when he spots his parents having sex in their bedroom.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" He asked.
"We're making you a little brother!"
Johnny huffed and put his hands on his hips, "Well, flip her around! I'd RATHER have a puppy!"

xd

my butt's now sore coz i fell off the chair from laughing too hard rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl  

[Meisugi_Jaganshi]

Phoenixliv

rofl  

[Sogeki Skellington]

A woman walks into a mall with a megaphone and yells "whoever wants to screw me, follow me to a dressing room" a crowd of guys starts to follow her. as they get into the room they run out screaming.the lady says"oops i guess i forgot to mention my sex change"