Blonde Jokes

[MananaMisha]

A red head, a brunette, and a blonde were running away from the police. But, they were caught. They were going to be put to death, but the police said "Any last words?" The red head said "Tornado! Tornado!" and pointed behind the police, who looked. The red head ran away. When the police looked back, he asked the brunette for any last words, apparently not caring about the red head. The brunette said "Hurricane! Hurricane!" the police officers looked back again, and the brunette ran away. Finally, they asked the blonde for any last words "Fire! Fire!" she said, and they shot her.


Kinda stupid, i know xD I think i worded some parts wrong..not sure.  

[Cyber 4 Gold]

wahmbulance Warning! Not PG-13! wahmbulance
A blonde is out for a drive when she gets pulled over speeding. The police officer gets out of his car, stands by her door and starts unzipping his pants. The blond sees this and says "Oh no! Not another breathalizer!"  

[darkkitsune_RK]

A blonde a brunette and a red-head steal from an electronics store. They hear the police comming so they hide in potato sacks near the garbge can.
The police think the bags look suspicious and they kick each one of them.
When the brunette was kicked she barked.
When the red-head was kicked, she meowed.
WHen the blonde was kicked she said "I'm as potato, I'm a potato"
The blonde was taken to the station while the other two ran free.  

[_-Neji Hyuugas Gurl-_]

A blonde got pulled over for speeding. The police officer, who was blonde also, asked for her drivers license. Digging in her perse, the blonde asked "What does it look like?" The police officer replied "Its square and has your picture on it." After looking for 5 minutes, she came across a mirror and handed it to the police officer. The police officer took it and said "Oh, I didn't know you were another police officer."  

[BigJammer]

Cyber 4 Gold

wahmbulance Warning! Not PG-13! wahmbulance
A blonde is out for a drive when she gets pulled over speeding. The police officer gets out of his car, stands by her door and starts unzipping his pants. The blond sees this and says "Oh no! Not another breathalizer!"

rofl  

[Nemui_Kitsune]

BigJammer

Why did the blond jump out of the building??? to see if her maxi pad had wings!!!!

Rofl whee

here we go...

On the show who wants to be a millionare a young woman is asked the million dolar question with only the phone a friend lifeline left. The question was, " which of these birds does not build a nest, A. a hawk: B.a falcon: C. a cuckoo: or D. a duck." the woman does not know the answer and doesnt want to call her phone a friend because she is blonde. So the woman decides she has to use her phone a friend. When she calls the friend answers with quickly and surely that the answer is cuckoo without a doubt. since the womans friend is so certain she goes for it and.... WINS THE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!

Te next day she invites her friend over for dinner and asks her how she was so certain the answer was cuckoo. Hr friend answers " Duh silly, everyonje knows that cuckoos live in clocks!"  

[BigJammer]

Nemui_Kitsune

BigJammer

Why did the blond jump out of the building??? to see if her maxi pad had wings!!!!

Rofl whee

here we go...

On the show who wants to be a millionare a young woman is asked the million dolar question with only the phone a friend lifeline left. The question was, " which of these birds does not build a nest, A. a hawk: B.a falcon: C. a cuckoo: or D. a duck." the woman does not know the answer and doesnt want to call her phone a friend because she is blonde. So the woman decides she has to use her phone a friend. When she calls the friend answers with quickly and surely that the answer is cuckoo without a doubt. since the womans friend is so certain she goes for it and.... WINS THE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!

Te next day she invites her friend over for dinner and asks her how she was so certain the answer was cuckoo. Hr friend answers " Duh silly, everyonje knows that cuckoos live in clocks!"

what oh hell no...lmfao
rofl  

[Crono Genthe]

I apologize, this is a long one, but I like it.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all stuck on a small, deserted island when they find a magic lamp. On rubbing it, a genie appears, thanks them for freeing him and grants them each a wish.

The brunette speaks first. "We've been on this island for 3 days, and I want to get out of here. Take me back to Seattle." And with that, she disappears in an instant.

The redhead speaks next. "As long as you're at it, I want to go back to Dallas!" And in a moment, she was gone, back in Dallas.

Finally, the genie turns to the blonde, who thought deeply on the subject. "Well, now that I'm by myself, I sure am lonely. Will you bring those two back?"  

[BigJammer]

Crono Genthe

I apologize, this is a long one, but I like it.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all stuck on a small, deserted island when they find a magic lamp. On rubbing it, a genie appears, thanks them for freeing him and grants them each a wish.

The brunette speaks first. "We've been on this island for 3 days, and I want to get out of here. Take me back to Seattle." And with that, she disappears in an instant.

The redhead speaks next. "As long as you're at it, I want to go back to Dallas!" And in a moment, she was gone, back in Dallas.

Finally, the genie turns to the blonde, who thought deeply on the subject. "Well, now that I'm by myself, I sure am lonely. Will you bring those two back?"

rofl good one  

[Stalking the Night]

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his p***s.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"  

[Stalking the Night]

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!"

The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.

The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"  

[Stalking the Night]

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."  

[Stalking the Night]

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."  

[Stalking the Night]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'  

[Stalking the Night]

My wife who is blonde came running up to me in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic!

We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to Have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"