Welcome to Gaia! ::

Well the fact that you only spent an hour on it, shows little effort. You should also try and explain more, like Krissim said.

Why is it that some people feel like they have a sense of entitlement to s**t? It bugs the s**t out of me, me, who HAS a sense of entitlement to whatever it is I want. But really, why do we always want what we want and then mope when we don't get it? I really want to know.

Because people like winning, and winning means a lot to people. It's a sign that shows we're as good as we like to think we are, and when we don't get that, it tends to be a blow to one's self-confidence. I think more emphasis should be placed on effort than absolute winning and losing, but it really does kind of suck to not win. A lot of people think they're entitled to the best of everything and get down when they don't get it. That's just how it is

Imagine this, you are sitting on a bench at Parliament Station, waiting for someone to arrive soon, there are other commuters on the platform, they're doing their own thing. A train pulls into the station, several people get off including a young woman, she looks very happy as she talks to someone with her. She suddenly stops walking, standing like something's wrong, the person she's with hasn't noticed that she's stopped and not with them. They continue walking off until about 7 metres away they realise, they turn around and start running back, screaming out a name, a name that in your memory will eventually disappear. You turn your head to see the girl is no longer standing, she's on the ground and she's convulsing.
"PAUSE!"
A young man walks onto the screen, he looks stress but is trying to be calm.
"What would you do? Would you just sit there and watch? Would you get up and rush to give aid? Or would you just ignore it completely?"
You blink and look around you, you're no where near parliament station, you're sitting in a chair, a video on the television screen.
"This is just one of many events that has happened to the girl. But to me, this girl is special. Because she is my sister."

Sometimes there are things in life you can't control. Whether it is your aunty or your uncle getting cancer, whether it is a plane crashing into the ground, you can't control it. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to control it. The day she fell and convulsed was a day I'll never forget, even though I was no where near there, I'll remember the news, the stories, the turning point in her life. Who knows what would have happened if not for the friend that was with her, but luckily her friend called an ambulance, she was discharged from the hospital the next day. They did not think it was of too much concern. But they knew nothing. As the years progressed, he conditio would get worse, much worse. She'd have to take over 20 tablets of medication, learn how to walk again, listen to people tell her that she was too young to have a heart condition. That was 3 years ago, a lot of things have changed since she collasped the first time. Her name is and she's only 23 years of age. She's only just beginning to gain enough strength to walk a little without crutches. It's been 5 weeks since she lost the ability to walk, the reason for it is still unknown. But I think I better start at the beginning, work my way up the series of events which has left her like this. Disabled.

Imagine this, you are sitting on a bench at Parliament Station, waiting for someone to arrive soon, there are other commuters on the platform, they're doing their own thing. A train pulls into the station, several people get off including a young woman, she looks very happy as she talks to someone(replace with something more specific) with her. She suddenly stops walking, standing like something's wrong (replace with a specific action like clutches her chest, gets a dazed expression, the person she's with hasn't noticed that she's stopped and not with them. They continue walking off until about 7 metres away they realise, they turn around and start running back, screaming out a name, a name that in your memory will eventually disappear. (no idea what you are trying to say) You turn your head to see the girl is no longer standing, she's on the ground and she's convulsing.
"PAUSE!"
A young man walks onto the screen, he looks stress but is trying to be calm.
"What would you do? Would you just sit there and watch? Would you get up and rush to give aid? Or would you just ignore it completely?"
You blink and look around you, you're no where near parliament station, you're sitting in a chair, a video on the television screen.
"This is just one of many events that has happened to the girl. But to me, this girl is special. Because she is my sister." Seems pointless unless this is an essay on what to do in case of a heart attack

Sometimes there are things in life you can't control. Whether it is your aunty or your uncle getting cancer, whether it is a plane crashing into the ground, you can't control it. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to control it. (<--- Condense into either one sentence or just cut) (Don't play coy, tell us she is your sister up front)The day she fell and convulsed was a day I'll never forget, even though I was no where near there, I'll remember the news, the stories, the turning point in her life. Who knows what would have happened if not for the friend that was with her, but luckily her friend called an ambulance, she was discharged from the hospital the next day. They did not think it was of too much concern. But they knew nothing. As the years progressed, he conditio would get worse, much worse. She'd have to take over 20 tablets of medication, learn how to walk again, listen to people tell her that she was too young to have a heart condition. That was 3 years ago, a lot of things have changed since she collasped the first time. Her name is and she's only 23 years of age. She's only just beginning to gain enough strength to walk a little without crutches. It's been 5 weeks since she lost the ability to walk, the reason for it is still unknown. But I think I better start at the beginning, work my way up the series of events which has left her like this. Disabled And after all that, this is where you should have started to begin with. Your real story hasn't even started till here. The rest seems just like a warm up. I would probably cut it all and start over at the beginng. The only thing I might keep is have the first paragraph as an in scene event of what happened..

Well Crenn, its not the best piece of literature I've seen, But the concept is you main focus, you portrayed that very well. You in no way deserved the comment you recieved so serve that person a nice big plate of "Shut the ******** up" with a side of "Go to hell" next time you see them. If the cant deal with the reality of sisters heart condition then they shouldn't have bothered reviewing it, how dare they tell you to "Research" your sister heart condition and turn into something more general. ******** them and idiotic remarks.

-End protective rant here-

I guess I must be bitchy today, because I'm angry at the idea of doing the dishes. Just because I slept here last night, I'm, without any say on the matter of my own, am suposed to do it, without any complaint. This is such bull s**t. neutral