-The Past is History-

[Digital Fiend]

Oh Lia, I'm so sorry to hear that! That's horrible of her mother.

Good job making your daughter choose between happiness and getting financial aid to make life better for her.

 

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Digital Fiend

Oh Lia, I'm so sorry to hear that! That's horrible of her mother.

Good job making your daughter choose between happiness and getting financial aid to make life better for her.

She really is... but her mom is just one of those overbearing, fanatical Christian types... she burned some of Shelby's books because they were Un-Christian.... guess I can't be surprised that she wasn't too happy about me... probably would have been more pissed if she had known that we met online considering Shelby told her I was in her Chemistry class...

I just don't know... I've been trying so hard... I've been looking for a job... but I still can't find one... and now I've lost her... and I wonder what's the point in even trying... no one is going to hire me my employment history is too shaky... I know I promised her I'd fix my life no matter what happened... but I just don't have the drive to fix it now... my heart isn't in anything lately... half the time I just leave my computer alone and go do other things and the other half I just sit here and try to find something to do to make me forget her... but nothing works... I just want to go crawl in a hole somewhere.... maybe that would be easier than putting up with my home life and my online life... Robert got all drama filled yesterday after we got in a fight and started crying... I was like what the ******** do you have to cry about? You still have people that give a ******** about you. But his dad and his grandma are sick and of course I am being poor, pitiful, selfish, pathetic me.... self-loathing and hateful... waste of space ... just useless... eventually he stopped crying but he is so clingy lately... he wants us to spend time together... I don't want to have to be with him... if he could just be my friend and keep his hands off of me maybe it would be different but all he wants to do his smack or pinch my a** or grab my boobs or kiss me when I really don't want him to do any of those things... I tell him not to and he just persists... so there is no point in even bothering to complain anymore.... I'll just let him do whatever the ******** he wants and become the same numb shell I've always been... its easier that way.... I think I was better off before... at least then I wasn't crying everyday... I had stopped that bullshit and just accepted my fate to be trapped and unhappy for the rest of my life... I don't know why she made me think I could change things... the world is too cruel, unkind, and uncaring for that s**t... no one is going to give me a chance.... so ******** it all.... I'll just sit here till I die... probably won't be too much longer anyway considering that's all I do and I'm already overweight... woo hoo.... I don't exercise and I'm depressed and stressed out... how long do you think I'm gonna last? Probably too long...but I'm too chicken to off myself... though I've thought about it so many times in my life... especially after my mom died... I just feel like I'm spiraling down into madness... there have been so many times I feel like all my sanity is just gone... and I wonder what I'm left with? What is it that is left for me in my life? Nothing but a broken heart... and broken dreams... disaster... failure... stupidity and gullibleness..

Don't mind my rantings... I don't even know what I am saying or doing anymore... just don't...

I don't....the sky is grey and the clouds are black.... and I'll never see the sun again...  

[Digital Fiend]

Okay, first off, she will not be under her mom's control forever.

Second, you can get your life together, it is not too late. And if you get your life together, then it ups the odds of you two being together.

I know that finding a job is really hard. Are you in anyway able to find VOLUNTEER work? If you can, I highly recommend trying to get some done. Employers love looking at that stuff! "Oh, you were unemployed, but you still did stuff, that's awesome!"

If you give up, nothing will get better. {Just so you know, I might need a pep talk like this in the future, the job market suuuuucks}

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

emotion_hug  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

*peeks in*  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

I miss you... cat_crying  

[Digital Fiend]

heart  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

sad  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Well, it's been a while. A very long while. While I was away I developed a very very large Doctor Who addiction... it's literally taken over nearly all my thoughts lol.

I became really close with one of my friends, her name is Bella and she is completely wonderful. We share a deeper sort of connection I'd nevsr be able to explain and you'd never understand. Maybe someday I will meet her but for now we've agreed that we don't have to be in the same city, state, or even continent to love one another. I'm in no rush and I'm not ready to meet her but she is one of the most important people in my life. I need to pull my life together first and even then we've agreed that it may never happen and that is totally okay.

I've gotten a lot more spiritual and I've met my spirit guide and talk to him on an almost constant basis. He and Bella are my constant strength and my driving force to change my life for the better.


I'm sadly still stuck with Robert... at least for another month or two. A few of my really good friends in SC have agreed to take me in and maybe help me get a job. I'm so excited. I need to cast aside my chains. I need to leave this cage and fly free. I don't know what the future holds but it's gonna be Fantastic.

I'm wonderful and I deserve so so much more than I've let myself have. It's time to finally change all this. It's time to be free.

This was a short entry but unfortunately I no longer have a computer only a phone and its a pain to use. I love you all and I've missed you. I promise I'll try not to stay gone too long this time around.  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

THERE YOU ARE!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!!

I'm so glad things are looking up for you! emotion_hug  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

La Belle Gigi

THERE YOU ARE!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!!

I'm so glad things are looking up for you! emotion_hug

Missed you too! *hugs* I am too thank you.  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

So, I'm very happy to tell you all that I'm out. I left on November 25th. I just got in a cab and left thanks to my friend Missy helping me. It was great timing on the Universe's part. Robert was in the bathroom, his dad went to his room to get his phone... the taxi showed up and I grabbed my suitcase and ran for it. Luckily I had talked Robert into letting me keep my clothes in the suitcase instead of the laundry basket due to them not all fitting. *giggles* Things just sort of lined up. So anyways, I'm in South Carolina now. Working on putting life back together... Its been fun... and interesting! Things are going great. I haven't talked to him since I left really. We did text a bit but it was mostly all me telling him to leave me be. I don't want to talk to him... if I had to hear his voice I would probably throw up.

Bella and I have agreed that we love each other and we're working towards me getting to go there so we can actually be together. We had some reseverations at first... but now we've admitted a lot of things to each other. It will still take some time... I have a lot of things I need to work on... but at least there is something for me to work towards.

So yea.... I'm free... and feeling happier than I have in ages. Can't wait to see what's ahead.  

[Digital Fiend]

If I could find a gif of the old guy from Hunchback of Notre Dam before he got trapped again, I would so post that.

So it's Bella!!! Hahaha! I approve! I'm so glad that you're able to get help and get back on your feet! Miss you tons and YOU ARE WORTH ALL THE GOLD IN THE WORLD!

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

You're.out! YEAH BABY!!!! :happy dance:  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Hey everyone. I know its been a while since I've posted on here. I've been through some s**t these past few months.

To start off, I stayed with my friend Missy (who helped me get away from R) for about a month (in South Carolina). I stayed with her and her best friend, her best friend's husband and their four lovely children. That worked out about as well as you'd imagine. They eventually told me they wanted me to leave. I won't hash details here since its petty and obnoxious crap (let's just say they got into my Facebook and read my messages to my girlfriend and decided I was a loon or something... that's my best guess. They said it was a lack of space and lack of me trying but honestly I don't believe that for a second.) Anyways, So I leave there after getting in touch with my biological sister, Summer. Summer offered to let me stay with her and her boyfriend, Willie. So yay... So I off I go to Tampa, FL.

So, I get there and I find out that they live in a tiny little hotel room and haven't even cleared that with the hotel owner (which Willie worked for in exchange for the room they lived in). Eventually he finds out and I am forced to work house keeping and the front desk in order to be able to stay there. The owner says I am too nice and cheerful and need to tone it down, he doesn't want me being nice to the customers (I was not paid for any of this by the way). Willie and Summer are awful and even more abusive than R was. Summer is bipolar and off her meds, Willie is just an insanely abusive and controlling a*****e taking advantage of Summer (doesn't sound familiar at all does it?) Anyway, he is always calling me fat (at one time he told me that not eating was good for me). She is always accusing me of trying to kill her (but then again EVERYONE was). Eventually one day I'm laying there on my phone and she attacks me, chokes me, hits me. I almost call the police. I just packed my s**t up and left and went to the local homeless shelter. (This was in Feb. so I lived with her for almost exactly a month). Thus begins my stint of homelessness. I found a job not too long after that working as a Telemarketer (which I ABSOLUTELY HATED OMFG). I worked there until March (all the while living in a homeless shelter).

One of my friends from High School told me if I put an application in for Amazon (where her girlfriend worked) she could get me a job there if I moved to TN and there was a possibility of relocation bonuses at the end of the year etc etc. So I quit my job, take my last paycheck, and vamoose to Tennessee. On the way there my wallet (and all my money, Ids, etc) was stolen.

I get there, go through the process of trying to find my wallet, finally get it back and nothing is in it. Kayla (my friend) says everything is fine. Her girlfriend's attitude paints another picture but I can't be sure (at least not at this point) that she doesn't indeed like me. I don't get the job at Amazon. The end of March they tell me they need to take their children clothes shopping and they don't have room in their vehicle, so they are going to drop me off in the park close to my hometown (since we were there visiting Kayla's relatives) and they would be back to get me later. Two hours later I get a text that says - "Hey we can't come get you, just thought we'd let you know". I panic, freak out, call R's uncle, he comes and get him to take me to my Bio mom's (who let's me stay with her for about two weeks then promptly tells me to gtfo because she will be evicted). I go and stay in a shelter in Nashville (which I absolutely hate every minute of). Some other friends from High School let me stay with them for about two weeks as well. At this point I had bought a ticket to Portland to be close to Bella (my girlfriend and best friend). Her husband (who knew about me btw) found out and flipped his lid because I don't "have my s**t together" and he hates me. ********. So, I make a decision to go to Boise, ID. Bella lived there for like 8 years and said it was a good place to start over. Public transportation etc. I get here May 13th. Get stuck at another shelter I can't stand. Find a job May 28th. Start said job June 9th. I am now Outsource Tech Support for Verizon Wireless. Live in the shelter til I get my first check on June 27th and move into the house I am currently living in (renting a room) on June 28th.

While at work... I met this fellow.... this fellow called Wade... Wade is hilarious... has a really cool sense of humor. We carpool home with the same people. We talk occasionally. Our teacher decides we need seating charts... she sits me beside Wade... magic happens. I give him my number... He calls me on June 28th (his birthday so I remember). I asked him if he wants to hang out outside of work.. he says sure. We go on a date July 5th... and then another on the weekend after that... and the weekend after that... and then I'm spending weekends at his house and meeting his family... and we've been together now for about 3 months... and omg... I'm freaking head over heels.... I was at his house this weekend (my weekend which is Thursday and Fridays). He finally told me he loves me... I'm floating on cloud 9 right now. Its so not even funny. Just omg things have finally taken a turn for the better and are straightening out and I'm finally happy... so yea... that's that story... a very short version but still... it took me about 9 months to stabilize...but I'm glad things have worked out this way... below... see picture of Wade and I taken on our third date. <3