Funniest attempts at insults

[Claire-de-la-Lune]

Me standing in line with my friend in the cafeteria, my boyfriend comes up and greets me with a little kiss. For the record my boyfriend is metal, personally I strive to look like a pirate pirate

Boy behind me in line (grumpy): Get a room or something, I don't like watcing emo kids eating each other's faces off in the food line.
(around my school emos aren't really welcome, it seems)

Me: But, we stepped out of the line, see *points to line, which we've actually stepped out of*

Boy: But it's disgusting to look at!

Me: You know, you could just look the other way?

Boy: ... ... ... ... But you're taking up too much space!

At that point I wanted to either laugh at him or hit him, but my friend grabbed my hand and dragged me away.  

[nikia kitty]

Tahmuku

At my university the arts students are usually picked on by the engineering students. Anyway a few weeks ago i was minding my own business in the campus book store, i must have been releasing some sort of arts student frequency that he picked up on. He comes up to me gives me a look over then says "you know with that arts degree your going for could get a cushy job flipping burgers at Mcdonald". This is the first time this has happened, anyway i looked back at him and fired off the first thing that came to my head which was " i hope you can build a bridge better then you can make an insult". After that their was some awarded silence and we parted ways, is it like this everywhere?

The group I hang out with is pritty much slpit 50/50 between art students and science/engineering students. We pick on eachother because we can and that joke: "what did the arts student say to the science student?" "Would you like fries with that?" has been used to the point of death. Though I've never had some stranger come up say that.  

[pandoras_box13]

I bought a coat from this store called Cruella, which gives out black bags with a red demon on the front, and I walked into the hospital (my mom was there for a checkup) and this is what I got from the nurse...

Nurse: Omg, you have to get rid of that!
Us: Why?
Nurse: That's a demon! It will cause bad luck in your home.
Mom: -_-; My god wouldn't let a drawing on the front of a bag hurt us, thanks.
Nurse: No really! I pray for that store every time I pass by it!
Me: Then why do you live there? That entire neighborhood is full of stores like that, and strip clubs.
Nurse: Well-I-...
Me: And it's no where near here.
Nurse: WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT TAINTED BY THE DEVIL.

ha  

[j3ll0_m0nk3y]

When I was in middle school and only just finding out about the gothic subculture (I was such a babybat back then that I thought it was only a teenage fashion trend... *shudders*) there was this guy who noticed that I wore black t-shirts on relaxed dress days (casual Fridays for my school, since we had to wear uniforms) and that I drew a few pictures of the Angel of Death, and immediately branded me as a Satanist, witch, vampire, cannibal, and voodoo priestess, all of which I found funny, seeing as I am a Christian. My nickname in eighth grade was even Voodoo at one point. I used it to my advantage, of course!

Then there was the time that the guy in my class that was way too short and skinny to be considered a jock but who tried too hard anyway decided that he knew what was goth and what wasn't and decided that I was a poser. He once said to me, "You probably think you're so goth, you go home and get high off of goth stuff." I was so tempted to reply with, "They're called cloves, and they don't really make you that high." But I had decided long ago to stop trying to reason with him...

Other than that, small children tend to stare at me, transfixed, whenever I'm out and about.

However, the one place where I have NEVER encountered insults is my church, which is why I love being Lutheran. We're a lot more laid-back than some other denominations.  

[pneoqueen]

Anardana

I'm sure you know the deal, you are walking down the stree minding your own business when someone suddenly decides it would be really really funny to yell out some half thought out attempt at wit to you.

So what's the funniest "insult" you've ever recieved. Il put up a couple of my own below.


My uncle: "heh heh , where'd you buy that *witch* skirt a halloween shop hsahahhahah"

me: "marks and spencer"

my uncle: "oh..."

rofl

***********************************
Our local chavs have a unique way of "insulting" people. Aside form the standard. It appears to involve picking somthing glaringly obvious about their target and asking the target if they have this trait...bizarre.

In practise it looks somthing like this..

chav (to my 6"6 boyfriend) - "EHHHHHHHHHHHH ow tall r u??"

from their tone of voice this was clearly supposed to be a rhetorical question.

chav (to me) - "EEEHEEHHEHEH how much blak do u av???"


I could cry for them I really could.

lol that was kinda funny  

[DioRte]

nikia kitty

Tahmuku

At my university the arts students are usually picked on by the engineering students. Anyway a few weeks ago i was minding my own business in the campus book store, i must have been releasing some sort of arts student frequency that he picked up on. He comes up to me gives me a look over then says "you know with that arts degree your going for could get a cushy job flipping burgers at Mcdonald". This is the first time this has happened, anyway i looked back at him and fired off the first thing that came to my head which was " i hope you can build a bridge better then you can make an insult". After that their was some awarded silence and we parted ways, is it like this everywhere?

The group I hang out with is pritty much slpit 50/50 between art students and science/engineering students. We pick on eachother because we can and that joke: "what did the arts student say to the science student?" "Would you like fries with that?" has been used to the point of death. Though I've never had some stranger come up say that.

Totally using that joke now. I myself am I science guy, and the majority of my goth friends are art students =]  

[Henneth Annun]

DioRte

nikia kitty

Tahmuku

At my university the arts students are usually picked on by the engineering students. Anyway a few weeks ago i was minding my own business in the campus book store, i must have been releasing some sort of arts student frequency that he picked up on. He comes up to me gives me a look over then says "you know with that arts degree your going for could get a cushy job flipping burgers at Mcdonald". This is the first time this has happened, anyway i looked back at him and fired off the first thing that came to my head which was " i hope you can build a bridge better then you can make an insult". After that their was some awarded silence and we parted ways, is it like this everywhere?

The group I hang out with is pritty much slpit 50/50 between art students and science/engineering students. We pick on eachother because we can and that joke: "what did the arts student say to the science student?" "Would you like fries with that?" has been used to the point of death. Though I've never had some stranger come up say that.

Totally using that joke now. I myself am I science guy, and the majority of my goth friends are art students =]

I do fairly well in both areas, so I think I'm okay for now.  

[tehrainbowness]

Ok, my first really stupid "insult" came when I was in 8th grade. I was trying to get to my locker and you know that "prep group"? Well, they always stood in front of my locker, even when I got it moved farther down. Anyway so instead of being nice and such and trying to peacefully get to my locker like I usually do, I just cut through them because I was about to be late and really needed my sheet music. The one was all like"well excuse me, you could say something".
My reply" Yes I could have, but I didn't"
He ended up calling me the devil's advocate, yet I doubt he even knew what that meant. I got called a poser quite often in middle school.Oh and another time, this was back in November maybe, I was walking with my friend, who is a transvestite(male to female) and asked why she was wearing a skirt. Him and I got into it, and eventually he told me I was a satanist because I wore black pants instead of a skirt. However it turned into a religious battle after that and he couldn't even quote his own bible properly. I crushed his argument with his own bible by pointing out the ideals and acts( I showed him the errors of his thinking). I haven't touched that book in several years.

People amuse me....lawlz  

[Gothic XxX Jake]

Well this didn't happen to me but i was with my best friend and it happened to him. A kinda preppy and slutty girl came up to him a said why do you wear such scary pants?(They were tripp pants which are very baggy and have chains all over them) He replied with this, Why do you dress like a slut?  

[osozaki girl]

There was this one kid that was in my Soanish class that made a point to bother me and my friend.
My friend is kind of grungey, you know, with the ripped dirty pants and plaid shirts.
So this certain guy was bothering her and she was like "What you lookn' at, punk?"
Him: "punk? I'm not a punk! I don;t even look punk! You're the punk!"
she: "no...it's like...an old insult etc.etc."
him: "HEY IS PUNK THE EMO WORD FOR GAY LOLOLOLOLOL"

he also complained about having to sit with us besause he "didn't fit in". Good thing most of the people in class thought he was stupid.
I don't have the time of day for people like that.  

[-Lasciate Ogni Speranza-]

pandoras_box13

I bought a coat from this store called Cruella, which gives out black bags with a red demon on the front, and I walked into the hospital (my mom was there for a checkup) and this is what I got from the nurse...

Nurse: Omg, you have to get rid of that!
Us: Why?
Nurse: That's a demon! It will cause bad luck in your home.
Mom: -_-; My god wouldn't let a drawing on the front of a bag hurt us, thanks.
Nurse: No really! I pray for that store every time I pass by it!
Me: Then why do you live there? That entire neighborhood is full of stores like that, and strip clubs.
Nurse: Well-I-...
Me: And it's no where near here.
Nurse: WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT TAINTED BY THE DEVIL.

ha

That nurse's comeback is hilarious, even if it's nonsense.

 

[Rellik San]

Techno Mouse

There was this one kid that was in my Soanish class that made a point to bother me and my friend.
My friend is kind of grungey, you know, with the ripped dirty pants and plaid shirts.
So this certain guy was bothering her and she was like "What you lookn' at, punk?"
Him: "punk? I'm not a punk! I don;t even look punk! You're the punk!"
she: "no...it's like...an old insult etc.etc."
him: "HEY IS PUNK THE EMO WORD FOR GAY LOLOLOLOLOL"

he also complained about having to sit with us besause he "didn't fit in". Good thing most of the people in class thought he was stupid.
I don't have the time of day for people like that.

See back in my day that would have gotten the guy a shift sharp slap across the back of the head.  

[Ri_Ri]

BEST DEFENSE STORY EVER

so i was i clas
and this kid (who was wearing a shirt that said" i can talk to squirrels, chikoo chikoo chikoo- yes this is important)
he said @ me : you're such a weirdo!
*english teacher walks by*
English teacher: and this is coming from someone who thinks they can talk to squirrels?


anyway, i really want that shirt nonetheless  

[Awesome Akwardness]

pandoras_box13

I bought a coat from this store called Cruella, which gives out black bags with a red demon on the front, and I walked into the hospital (my mom was there for a checkup) and this is what I got from the nurse...

Nurse: Omg, you have to get rid of that!
Us: Why?
Nurse: That's a demon! It will cause bad luck in your home.
Mom: -_-; My god wouldn't let a drawing on the front of a bag hurt us, thanks.
Nurse: No really! I pray for that store every time I pass by it!
Me: Then why do you live there? That entire neighborhood is full of stores like that, and strip clubs.
Nurse: Well-I-...
Me: And it's no where near here.
Nurse: WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT TAINTED BY THE DEVIL.

ha

It's kinda sad when someone is scared of something like a bag '_'

But I've had people freak out over similar things too XD  

[Kostbarer Alptraum]

God, I love that scene off "Dazed And Confused" when everyone is hanging outside the Emporium.
O'Bannion: Hey Slater, you ********' hippie, give me drugs, man.
Slater: Go get some from your mother, man.
O'Bannion: We just bagged your mother.
Slater: Okay, ******** you dickhead.

And there was one when I flipped off my best friend. Her response was, "Wow, your hands really need some lotion!"