[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked relieved hearing his mother say it was good to hear. He watched his mother and the sad yet happy look on her face. "We are still your sons." He said softly. He knew his mother felt as though she was missing things while she was stuck in Asgard and they were on Midgard. Hearing her continue to say that when Thanos was dealt with then she would throw a feast for him and Tony made the god smile. He knew his mother would change the laws that had stifled his childhood choices. "I think that sounds like a lovely thing." he smiled again.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga glanced up at Loki, a soft smile on her lips. He always knew how to read her, just like she could read him. “I know you are my dear. It is just taking time to adjust to not being able to come to you and Thor whenever I please.” She said softly. Hearing Loki agree to the feast, she nodded. “I know they are not your favorite passtime, but it’s all I can think of offering you unless you have plans for marriage. But I know that is some time off.” She said slowly.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki returned the soft smile his mother gave him. "It is hard to know I can not go to you as well. If something were to happen to you... it is a thought I can not bear. Knowing you and Thor would not be pleased with me is the only thing that stops me from sending him back to you." Loki admitted. He laughed when she said that feasts were not his favorite. "I think this one would be nice.” he promised. He fought back the sad look at the thought of marriage. Despite Tony having brought it up as a possible thing eventually he did not see it ever happening. Being mates was one thing but marriage was a choice, loki had taken the choice from Tony on being mates.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga shook her head. “Skadi is keeping an eye on me and has made sure only the best and most loyal people surround me…Nothing will happen to me my dear, you need not worry.” She assured Loki. seeing the look in Loki’s eyes at the mention of marriage, she smiled. “Do not give up on marriage yet my dear. Anthony just needs time. From what you have told me, he is not used to having anyone to be close to, let alone someone as close as you. And yet in a short amount of time, he has found a large group of friends and confidants and you on top of it all. He has to be given time to adjust. And though he is intelligent and confident, he does not truly know himself I think. He does not have the ability that you have to recognize what he wants and needs so quickly.” she comforted Loki.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked far more relieved hearing that Skadi was keeping an eye on his mother. He had trusted Skadi far before he had helped him when they last were on Asgard. The guard had earned his respect and trust for life since then. "Skadi will protect you." Loki agreed. As his mother continued to try and soothe his worries over Tony and marriage. He knew she was right but he still had so many doubts about what would happen that the thought of Tony agreeing to or even asking to marry him seemed outlandish. "I am sure he will figure out what he wants." he continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga gave a heavy sigh as she saw Loki still unconvinced. “He will figure it out, and it will be you Loki.” she said firmly. “He has stood up to everyone he knows and cares about for you, he risked his life by speaking out against the council here on Asgard to keep you safe. In the whole time that you two have been in a relationship, he has never once made you question his love and loyalty to you. Why do you continue to doubt him? Yes, he has to move at a slower pace than you may wish, but he isn’t going to leave or abandon you.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Green eyes cast a glance to Frigga when Loki heard her give a heavy sigh. He knew he should believe her, should believe everyone else but all of his past experiences had ended in pain. One had been fixed later but all had ended in pain. "I know he had mother and I know I should trust what you and the others say. It is just so hard, you do not know everything that has happened. All those that left because of what should have been joyous things." Loki spoke. His words were cryptic in a way and yet not. "I do not doubt his love for me, I doubt that he is ready for what I bring. If it was merely his pace I would be more than happy but it is not. I would wait for as long as my days will be but I do not have that time. In maybe a few months probably less I will not be able to hide anything and I will be forced to tell him of the child even if I am not ready." Loki continued running a hand through his dark hair. Nothing made him more anxious than the thoughts of Tony's possible reactions.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Listening to Loki, Frigga cast her eyes down. She knew well how painful her son’s life had been, she hated herself for it as much as Loki hated having to live through it. She could have done so much to help. She put aside her own guilt to focus on Loki. “I understand that Loki, I do. I know you are scared and you are worried. But you told me once that you felt like this was a new start for you. That’s why you have been letting your hair grow, why things have felt different to you. But this is not a new start if you let yourself be held back by what has happened in the past. You cannot let the ghosts and shadows of those who have hurt you cloud out who Anthony is. It is not fair to yourself, not fair to him, and will not be fair to your child.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up to his mother as she said that she understood. He nodded when she reminded him that this all felt like a new start for him and it did. Never before had he lived outside of Asgard with someone he loved and never before had he ever had so many friends who understood him. He had also never considered growing his hair out but alot of that had been Odin's influence. She continued to tell him it was not a new start if he allowed his past to cloud his judgement. "I know,I know!" Loki exclaimed and felt bad for his outburst immediately after. He knew that allowing his past to cloud his judgement wasn't fair to him, Tony or the child but he couldn't get past it. "I know mother but too much has happened in the past. It is not easy to move past it and I am trying but I have not been able to yet." Loki continued much softer. It was easy to see how much he regretted and felt guilty that he could not move past such a thing.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga didn’t so much as flinch when Loki snapped at her. She had dealt with such outbursts before, they didn’t hurt her. Letting her son speak, she didn’t look away from him. “I know it is hard. And I know it will take time. You cannot get over all of your hurt so quickly, but letting go a little at a time will allow you to move forward. Perhaps one of the first things you can do is stop looking at things in such a definitive manner.” She said slowly. Looking away, she shook her head and began to speak again. “I know my relationship with Odin has not been something to aspire to, and I know you have few fond or good memories of us, but we loved each other deeply, and for a long time before either you or Thor were born.” She said slowly. She was ashamed of the relationship her children had seen their parents share. Though she’d always been a devoted wife, and Odin a devoted husband, there was so much missing, and she knew that, but it hadn’t always been that way. “And I can promise you, that looking at things only as black and white, as yes and no, good and bad, it will not work. You are seeing Anthony in a light where the only options he has is to marry you or not, to accept the child or not. It is okay and more likely that he will be unsure. Let him be in that gray area and convince him, let him work things out. He has allowed such things with you. You were unsure of your Jotun form, uncertain of his reaction and the reaction of others, but you let Anthony convince you.” Frigga suggested slowly. “Talk to him about the things you worry about. Do not phrase it as a decision he must make, and do not judge his words from the start. Talk to him about children and family, don’t force the topic, let the conversation fade when it needs to, and talk about it again later. You will see a change, and then you can decide if that change is for better or worse.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"Have I not done that with so many things already?" He questioned sounding almost hopeless. He had stopped looking at his Jotun form with such hate, he had mostly forgiven Thor for everything in their past and he had stopped most of his snapping at people or hurting them with his words when he first met them. To him it seemed like quite alot he had changed. He knew there was still plenty more but all of those changes had been done mostly due to Tony's influence. His mother was asking him now to let go of more significant things without that same man's help.

Loki looked back to his mother as she began speaking about her relationship with Odin. What Loki had seen of it has never been anything like the legends of he past. He however knew that his mother loved Odin and he said nothing against them. Odin's loss of mind was not the man's fault but Loki wondered when it had begun because he remembered nothing but a strict Odin, one who was always pushing him to be more than he could be. Sometimes as far as injury.

"I am trying mother, I do not see everything in black and white, yes or no. I truly believe Tony when he says he will eventually be ready for things but I have taken from him the time he needs to be ready." Loki pleaded. He didn't know what else to expect from Tony he could deal with the thought of marriage, but how was there an option in between accepting the child and not accepting the child. Yet he knew there was an option, Tony could just run away. He wouldn't be rejecting the child but it wouldn't be acceptance either. He nodded when his mother used the example of Tony convincing him of his Jotun form. The man had brought it up and slowly convinced Loki that being in that state was not the state of a monster but just a different form of himself. He would still on reveal himself in the tower in such a form but he knew he was safe within the tower. "How can I ask him about such things without him coming to know their source. If I speak to him of children then he is likely to figure it out." Loki argued softly.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga thought over Loki’s question for a moment before responding. “Do not talk about children of your own. There are several couples living with the two of you is there not? And they may all have children one day. I imagine both Anthony and yourself will feel some attachment to those children, being related to or close to the parents of these children.” She suggested slowly. “If he can warm up to the idea of being an uncle or something similar, it shows that he is not too far off from warming up to being a father. The way he treats a child that is not his own will actually be worse than how he treats his own.” Thinking over everything, she added another suggestion. “And Thor has told me that being a hero on Midgard often puts him in direct contact with children, both in saving and helping them, and in them simply recognizing him and approaching him. Certainly Anthony has these same experiences. As long as children is not the sole topic you bring up with him, he will not notice. After all, he already knows your attachment to children, he will not grow too suspicious.” Frigga promised. “And what you must remember Loki is that what people say and do is often different. You do it as well. He may say that he is uncomfortable with children, may say he does not want a child, but if you place a child in his arms, he will not turn away from it. He is not so heartless and cold.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded in agreement and intrigue. He could bring up the other couples, Natasha and Clint were too close. Thor and Jane would be too easy, Thor would want/need an heir and it wouldn't be too long after he and Jane got married that the blond god would expect one. "That would be much easier to bring up children from someone else." Loki agreed. He could see Tony warming up to the thought of being an uncle spoiling the child. But the thing about being an uncle was that you could always hand the children back to their parents. "Tony has come into contact with children on missions and has saved them." he nodded. Loki's thoughts were drawn back to the memory that Tony has shown him with a child dressed up as Iron man believing he could save the world. "Alright mother I will do as you suggest and hopefully that will work." Loki breathed feeling more comfortable with a plan in place.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Smiling as she saw Loki relaxing, Frigga nodded. “I believe it will.” She said softly. “And remember Loki. You do have time still. It may not be as much as you would like to have, but there is time. Stressing yourself as if you have to do something tomorrow is not healthy for you or the baby. Just relax and enjoy your holiday with your love and your friends.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when Frigga told him that he still had time, not as much as he wanted but he still has time. "I know I will try not to stress myself over such things. I will relax and enjoy the holiday. I wish you could come and see the party I think you would have a blast." Loki stated with a smile. He really believed his mother would love to see everything, Loki himself could only imagine all the costumes there were going to be.