Lines You'll Never Hear

[~Dhali.Llama~]

Yoda, later in therapy.

Yoda: And, and...
Psychiatrist: Yes?
Yoda: L.... little, he called me! *begins sobbing*
Psychiatrist: That's all? *giggles and begins laughing hysterically*
Yoda: When called little for 900 years, feel sad, would you not?! *stabs psychiatrist with lightsaber*

And thus continues Yoda's fall deeper into the Dark Side of the Force.  

[Uncle Choco]

((inspired by Ryunosuke's post above))

...in a remote swamp on Dagobah, Master Yoda and the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi are talking.

Yoda: Minding my own business, I was, when two very short humans and their creature came into my swamp.
Obi-Wan: How unusual.
Yoda: Yes. Asked about a Ring of Power, they did. Heard of no such thing, I told them.
Obi-Wan: What did they do then?
Yoda: A slimy mudhole, they called my home! Set their small reptilian companion on me, they did!
Obi-Wan: Oh no! What did you do?
Yoda: Mmmm...lightsabered them, I did.  

[~Dhali.Llama~]

Yay I have inspired something! My life isn't as worthless as I thought! blaugh  

[Darkened Angel]

(( And this is inspired by EViLgerbilz ))

Vader: That last planet I went to was weird.
Palpatine: Oh? Do tell.
Vader: Well, there were these HUGE armies battling it out with primative weapons, and the army of one side was made up of bizzare creatures we have never seen before. I believe " orcs " is what they're called.
Palpatine: Go on.
Vader: Well, they came after our landing crafts, so I went out with several stormtroopers and we decimated them. After that, the other side came at me and yelled " THE KING HAS RETURNED! ALL HAIL THE KING! " So they take me to this thing called a " castle " and sat me on the throne.
Palpatine: It must've been very bizzare.
Vader: That's not the half of it. Some time later, in come 4 people. 1 guy has these pointy ears and looks like a girl, another looks like he's never heard of shaving, the next was really short and needed shaving even more desperately then the other, and the last one also had the facial hair, but almost looked like he was your parallel universe self.
Palpatine: GOOD LORD! What other madness is there?
Vader: Well, the " you " guy uses something like the Force we use and tried to attack me, but I just Force Choked him to death. The others attacked me with their weapons, but my lightsaber cut through everything, and I slaughtered them. One of them's dying breath was about some place called " Mordor " so I went there, thinking I could find Dark-Side friendly people. Turns out this HUGE eye kept staring at me, so I slashed it to pieces and then all the people there got uber pissed and chased me back to the landing crafts where we all came back here.
Palpatine: Commander, we have a new target. Uh... What's the planet?
Vader: I dunno, the only name I heard was " Middle Earth. "
Palpatine: Target Middle Earth, and fire at will!  

[~Dhali.Llama~]

Yay something I inspired inspired something else, so I indirectly inspired something!  

[Nelowulf]

Padme: This isn't your children, Annie! I... They... were from someone named.... Ozzel...

Anakin: CURSE YOU b***h!



Several years later...


Ad. Ozzel: our ships came...*choking*

Vader: Ozzel.... AH! Now I remember! And what timing! I get a chance to kill that b*****d!  

[Darkened Angel]

Imp Pilot: Lord Vader, we count 30 rebel ships.
Vader: We'll have to destroy them ship to ship. Get the crew to their fighters.
Imp Pilot: Lord Vader, an unknown vessel has appeared! It looks like... a sleigh?
Vader: Where is it heading?
Imp Pilot: For... THE EXHAUST PORT!
Vader: This one is mine. * flies after the sleigh *
Elf ( on the sleigh's communicator ): Santa! Look out behind you!
Santa: Reigndeer, full speed!
Vader: The fat is abundant with this one.
Santa: Ho ho ho! You'll never get me!
Vader: We'll see about that, fat man! * fires, blows up Santa's sleigh *

* a small present from the sleigh gets launched into the exhaust port, and causes the Death Star to blow up *

Luke: What!? I'm not the hero? DAMMIT!
Rebel Commander: It looks like we don't need you after all, Luke. Go back to the moisture farm.  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Anakin: You are so beautiful!

Padme: It's only because I'm so in love . . .

Anakin: No, it's because I'm so in love with you.

Padme: So love has blinded you?

Anakin: No what I mean is...you are so beautiful...my little senator.

Padme: Oh, but you're not too bad yourself...my little jedi!

Anakin: Awww....I love it when you say that!

Padme: And I love you when I love it when you love me for when I say that!

Anakin: I just love you so much...

Padme: No I love you even more than you could possibly love me...

George Lucas: scream THAT'S IT!!! WHO WROTE THESE CRAPPY LINES?!! I KNOW THIS WASN'T IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT!!!

Producer guy: sweatdrop Uhhh...Bob the soundguy did?

George Lucas: twisted *Grabs Anakin's lightsaber*

Bob the sound guy: eek AIEEEE!!!! *Runs while George Lucas chases him*

Producer guy: sweatdrop That was close...  

[NickCpointless]

Vador:Where are those transmissions you intercepted? What have you done with those plans?
Rebal:We have intercepted no transmissions. This is a consular ship. We're on a diplomatic mission.
Vador;If this a consular ship where is the Ambassador?
Spock:im here and your integration technique is highly illogical *chocks vador*
Vador:2 can play at that game *chocks spock*
spock vs vador FIGHT  

[Nospai Deathous]

Maul stabs Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan- "FATALITY!"
Random voice- "Round 2!"
force fields open up
Obi-Wan- "HADOKEN!!"
Maul- "WTF?!" *dies*
Obi-Wan- "FATALITY!"  

[Nelowulf]

((please, no dissing the Trek. Don't drop to their level))


Han: Hey lando, did you like the falcon?
Lando: Just like old times. And I got it back without a scratch.

*han looks at the ship*

H: Hey... Where's the sensor dish? YOU b*****d! YOU SAID WITHOUT A SCRATCH!

*fighting breaks out*  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Anakin: From the moment I met you...not a day has gone by without thinking about you. And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you...I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...

Padme: eek WTF?

Anakin: scream OH GOD THIS SUCKS!!!

George Lucas: gonk Somebody shoot me.  

[Nospai Deathous]

Han- "Listen, I work alone! Except when i work with Chewwie! ...Which is all the time!"  

[~Dhali.Llama~]

Tiny Revenge of the Sith Spoiler

C-3PO: Oh R2, I'm so sorry for being mean to you for all these years. Come here and give me a hug!
R2-D2: Beep boop! *Does the oil-and-fire trick from Episode III.*  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

What if...

Obi-Wan: Anakin, you were the--Who is that?

Anakin: Dunno. Doesn't he look familar?

Luke: Han, I think we went a little to fast through that black hole.

Han: Ya think, kid?

Anakin: Who are you?

Luke: Hey...Woah! You're my... *Turns to Obi-Wan* And you're...

Leia: What's going on? *Sees Anakin* Wow! You're my--

*Luke covers her mouth*

Luke: Leia...not now! Lets go guys.

*Leia bits his hand*

Leia: Hey you! You made my mother die!!! Take that!!! *tries to blast him a couple times*

And so...

Darth Vader: So...you have a twin sister. I remember her. She got me pretty good...nice aim...That's my girl!

Luke: Next time, we wont fool around with black holes and hyperspace.