AFG Sallies

[Sonya Khatsworth]

Crenn

Diana Vulpes

What the ******** is wrong with them? Parents should never call their children failures. They are suppose to support you no matter what. stressed

Apparently you haven't met many parents. Mine do the same thing when I don't dance to their tune.

Or mine. I get called a failure by the 'rents quite often actually, and another 50+ names because I'm not what they would've wanted for a perfect child.

...then again, their expectations crashed prematurely when they expected a boy.

Anyways Nanaki if homeschooling appeals to you, push for it.
The only homeschooling failures I know are the ones who didn't bother to do anything in the first place.
My local highschool? School-wide grades average is around 40-50%.
That's below the minimum requirement for passing.
Public studies doesn't equal passing or quality teaching.

(sorry if I fetched an older post, I felt compelled to add on to this.)

- - - - - - -



...anyways, I'm having another downer.
I just can't seem to hold to that ever-annoyingly-happy self I used to be. Feeling...weaker, and slow, and a bit useless, as it's been over 8 months now that I can't seem to keep my drawing skills up. I've tried again this week, and the result was so bad I ATE the paper so people couldn't take it out of the trash and see it. sweatdrop

Probably seems like I'm making a big fuss out of it for nothing for a good few people around, as even like this I'm likely still "a good artist" in comparison... but I'm a perfectionnist. A jealous, competitive, ego-ridden perfectionnist, whom's only purpose to anything in life has always been drawing, and for the first time in 18 years, I've been unable to draw at full potential for more than half a year.

Then I see younger people around who do so much better than me even though I've consecrated so much of my existance to it. Seeing what other people manage to do usualy motivates me to get better by getting me jealous, so I kick myself up the butt and force myself to get better at it, but now it's just driving me insane! Nothing works right anymore...

Drawing was the only thing I could ever do right. Now I'm just useless. I can barely take care of home, I can't keep a job long enough to warrant saying I had it, I can barely cook, hell I can't even take care of myself properly anymore. I eat when my stomach hurts and I sleep when I collapse. There's a few mornings I didn't even bother getting up from the couch, even though I wasn't always sleeping, until someone would get me off by kicking me in the sides or something. xX;
Ome and Caitie are probably worried too because I haven't been able to stay up like I used to., and I keep breaking down and falling asleep halfway through the night, though tonight I took a short catnap beforehand, in an attempt to stay up longer.

I'm just a complete wreck, and I keep defaulting to videogames as an escape to try and cheer myself up, try to have some fun to compromise and make myself happy, for however short that lasts, but videogames can only do so much. I still know I'm stuck here, and that I can't budge neither transition-wise nor on getting together with Ome and Caitie. The only option I have is getting a job, but nobody in town is hiring, and even if they did, it took a miracle at a place I was member of for 15 years to get a job back when I was decentkly happy. It can only be harder now withmy state of affairs. u_u

I don't know what to do anymore.
I wish I could just say "******** it." and hit the reset button, but this is real.
There's no reset button. I only have one life, and I'm already close to having spent 20 years of it stuck in a body that I seriously want to carve up with a knife, adn I've lost the only thing I had going for me.
All I have left is Ome and Caitie, and the fcking US/Canada border laws are preventing me from reaching them.


The worst of it all is that I can see I have a problem.
I want to try, and maybe, hopefully get things to change, but my morale's gotten to the point I don't even care anymore. I just want out. U-U