201 ΡδρζαΓ

[xDarkWinterx]

Eight hours on a plane he had finally arrived in Paris. His first stop was to baggage claim and the second was to find a taxi. Micha had the name of Samuel’s hotel room just in case something happened. He wanted to know where he was going and where he had been staying just in case. Micha took the taxi to the hotel. He was feeling anxious as he sat in the back of the taxi cab. Micha couldn’t take his eyes off the city lights of Paris. He always found the night life to be beautiful.

After about an thirty minute drive, he arrived at the hotel. Once he paid the taxi, Micha thanked the driver. He took his bag, heading into the hotel. Micha took the elevator instead of opting for the stairs. He grew impatient as he stood in the elevator. Once he arrived at the right floor, he practically ran down the hallway. Stopping at Samuel’s room, he couldn’t guarantee he’d be there but he hoped. Reaching a hand up, he knocked loudly on the door. Micha stood there a little impatient.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

After hanging up with Nicolas, Samuel ignored his bodily needs and took another short nap. By the time he awoke, he was more hungry than ever. He thought of picking up the menu again and ordering something, but the clock on the night stand told him that it was already after midnight. He didn't have the energy to go out and look for something. But eventually he would. Samuel moved to the window sill where he left his cigarettes and picked up a pack. He had just pulled one out and was about to slip it between his lips when a knock on the door disrupted him. He stood there a minute staring at the door. Who could be calling on him at this hour? Putting the cigarette back into the pack, Samuel crossed the room and opened the door. "Yeah?" he asked in what could be taken as an annoyed tone. His own fault really for not checking the peephole before opening the door.

Raising his head, his eyes stung when they met the bright lights of the hallway. Once they adjusted enough for him to see, he was shocked to find Micha standing before him. Samuel instantly flushed, hoping his tone didn't add to the males earlier anger. "Uh....h-hey." he said softly. Standing there awkwardly, he wasn't sure if he should be preparing to be murdered right here in this hotel room. Or would it be okay to try to reach out and touch him? Either way, he guess the first thing to do was to let the male inside. So he casually stepped aside, saying nothing and keeping his eyes downcast.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Standing there he heard movement in the room. He watched as Samuel suddenly threw the door open. Micha stood there, unsure if he should even be here, however it was too late to question himself. Taking in Samuel’s state of dress, he took note of his eyes, then his hair. Samuel’s eyes were red as if he had been crying, which he already knew he had. His hair was sticking up in a few places, and already he could see the late stages of a five o’clock shadow.

As he stood there he knew Samuel hadn’t expected expected to see him. Micha nodded, ”Surprised?” He spoke teasing watching as Samuel soon moved away from the door to allow him inside. Micha stepped into the room leaving his bag by the door for now. He walked in, looking around taking in the state of Samuel’s bed.

Micha turned to look at Samuel. ”I didn’t want to speak over the phone and I figured this was better.” He spoke looking back at Samuel finally. Micha stepped closer as he slipped a hand up toward Samuel’s cheek. ”You don’t look so well.” He spoke simply stating a fact. The longer he stood there, he more he felt better but still anger hovered. Micha pulled back as he walked away heading toward the bed. He took a seat on the edge.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

It was impossible for him not to stand there gawking like a fish with his mouth hanging open. Surprise was an understand. He stood there awkwardly, trying to figure out just how exactly Micha had gotten here. Hearing the male speak, he nodded silently. He stepped aside to allow him inside. Again, he didn't know what to expect. But he was glad that Micha took his invitation. He closed the behind him and flipped on a few lights. Since he'd been mopping all day, he hadn't bothered turning many of them on and since then the room had been cast in darkness. Following Micha into the bedroom, he was suddenly embarrassed by the state of his room. The wrappers from this morning were still scattered about the floor, the room smelled of cigarettes, and his laptop screensaver screamed desperation as it displayed one of their last pictures taken together.

Samuel stood in the middle of the room, listening as Micha spoke. He nodded just as quietly as before. A part of him was glad that he decided to come here. It was awkward enough to have their conversation earlier. He knew they could have just as easily done something like video messaging. But even on some level that seemed impersonal. He hadn't expected the male to come closer, tensing a bit when he touched him. A small smile was able to slip through at his next comment. "I had a lot on my mind." he whispered. He watched the male slip away and took the opportunity to get that cigarette. He pulled one out and slipped it between his lips. Lighting up, he then stepped over to Micha, holding out the pack and his lighter in offering. Whatever Micha had to say, he knew a good cigarette would calm them both enough to speak rationally.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Micha knew things had not been well in the last twenty-four hours.However it someone had to right to throw themselves a pity party it was Micha. He sat there as he looked around the room. The state of the room was trashed. Micha wasn’t OCD, but he had an urge to suddenly clean. He shook his head knowing right now wasn’t the time. MIcha watched as Samuel came closer offering him a cigarette. He took one, slipping it between his lips. Micha hadn’t had one since this morning. He definately needed one now.

Light it up, he inhaled letting the burning settle through him and over his lungs. Micha sighed as he sat there. ”Sorry to just show up but I couldn’t stay home…” He spoke seeing no need to apologize but he did. Micha stood up crossing the room, ”So besides ******** a complete stranger, did you two do anything else?” He asked gesturing about the room. Micha didn’t want the details, he merely just wanted to understand why.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

Samuel watched the way Micha took in the state of his room. It wasn't pretty and he was ashamed. He was the reason they were in this mess. He had no right to be this upset. He puffed his cigarette while Micha took one for himself. He took a step back, leaning against the dresser. A minute later, he tilted his head back to let the smoke billow towards the ceiling. He heard the male speak, nodding. "It's fine......I was kind of thinking of going back to New York early. You saved me a trip." As Micha rose from his bed, he watched him get up and step closer. The next question to leave his mouth came as no surprise. "Just took a shower. He left right after." he replied honestly. He took another puff and at last looked up to meet the males gaze. He could see just how much Micha was holding back. The anger and sadness was just as clear on his face as it must have been on Samuel. He studied his face like this might be his last. And for all he knew it really could be. If Micha chose to walk out that door, he wouldn't be seeing him again. This he knew.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Standing there he tried to remain controlled. He wasn’t in the mood for violence, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen. Micha slipped the cigarette between his lips. He took a few puffs from it while he waited for an answer from Samuel. Micha nodded hearing him speak. He removed the cigarette. ”So tell me this..Are you tired of me and needed someone new to ********> Micha asked curiously after all it was a reasonable question in his mind. If Samuel was tired of the sex between them, then why continue.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

The longer he stood there the more he could feel the males anger radiating off of him. He took another pull from his own cigarette, watching the male carefully. If he wanted to hit him, fine. He only asked the male allowed him the courtesy of putting his cigarette down first. He'd prefer not to set the curtains on fire. Micha nodded and his next question was just like the last; straight to the point and no holding back. "No. That's not it!" Samuel moved away from the male and picked up the ashtray. Samuel moved to sit on the bed, setting the ashtray beside him. "I didn't sleep that great on the plane. When I landed and got settled in the hotel it was already after eight o'clock. I knew I had a meeting with Nicolas in the morning so I went down to the bar with the intention of getting some food and something to drink to help me sleep. Well, skip the food I ended having too much to drink. I was drunk off my ads and he reminded me a lot of how you looked when we first met." Samuel kept his eyes downcast when he spoke. He was ashamed. But he spoke the truth.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

As much as Micha wanted to hit Samuel, it would do him no good. It would not make him feel better. Micha knew violence wasn’t the answer. After all what good would it do to merely hit Samuel. He was not in the mood to sugar coats things right now. Micha wanted and needed answers. He watched as Samuel moved toward the bed sitting down. Micha remained where he was. He listened as Samuel spoke about the other man's appearance being similar to his own. Standing there he was reminded of the day Samuel had kicked him out of his house because his brothers had shown up unexpected. It was as if Micha wasn’t good enough for him. He crossed the room, as he stubbed out his cigarette. Standing before Samuel he looked down at him. ”So does this mean, your going to go around ******** every guy who looks like me?” Micha spoke lashing out. He knew it wasn't Samuel’s intention, however he couldn’t help but making him feel bad. ”How do I know I can trust you?” Micha questioned him as he stood there.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

Samuel knew even the truth wasn't going to help matters. But it needed to be said. After all the apologies and saying how it was a mistake, he never gave Micha the full story to let him know it was just that. A mistake. A terrible mistake with a terrible man. From the corner of his eye, he watched the male come closer to stub out his cigarette. The words he spoke next made him feel a twinge of anger. But he knew that Micha was venting. It was best for him to just get it out in the open. Keeping his mouth shut he merely shook his head. Of course he wasn't going to seek out men that looked like Micha! It was never his intention to seek out the first one so why the hell would he go looking for another. Soon stubbing out his own cigarette butt, Samuel decided it best to look up finally towards the male. He next question wasn't so unreasonable. But he had no good answer for it. "You can't." he replied simply. "The best you can hope for is to trust your gut....I can sit here and grovel all night and it probably won't change anything. At the end of it all, do you want to trust me again?" Samuel ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know what more he could say to make things better.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Standing before Samuel, he waited for a response. It was true he was merely venting. Micha understood that Samuel had been drunk still that was no excuse. He couldn’t excuse him for it either. Micha was angry, but he knew anger would do him no good. After all it was getting him nowhere either. He had heard Samuel’s side of the store. Micha watched as Samuel finally looked up at him. He wasn’t shocked by his answer, especially since it was true. How was he supposed to trust him again? Micha listened as Samuel questioned him again. He sighed softly watching as Samuel ran a hand through his hair. ”Of course I want to trust you.” Micha spoke sadly, as he stood beside Samuel. ”After all I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. “ He spoke moving to sit beside Samuel on the bed.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

It was impossible to sit here to try and convince Micha. He could lay his heart and soul out for him and it still likely would not be enough. Trust was a fragile thing built by time and love. And Samuel understood that he had broken that trust. He recalled how untrusting Micha was when they first started dating. It was hard to getting close to him. If they were to remain together, he imagined it would be twice, if not three times harder to gain that trust back. Brushing his hair back, he heard the male speak again. It seemed some of that anger was starting to die. He nodded a bit as the male continued. That was actually a really good point. Out of all the outcomes in this situation, he did not expect Micha to suddenly fly out and come to him personally. A small part of him was happy that he did. And he was right. This wasn't a conversation that could be had over the phone. Hesitating a bit, Samuel reached out and placed his hand over Micha's hand. "I'm sorry for putting you through all this." he said softly. Turning to face the male, he really didn't deserve him.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

For now he was calming down, he was getting over the shock and anger. Micha didn’t want to be mad at Samuel, as he found it hard. He knew Samuel regretted it, but still the hurt was there. Micha knew only time would tell how things would be for them. He had to give Samuel the benefit of the doubt after all it was only fair. Sure he could leave now and never speak to Samuel again, but he wouldn’t. Micha loved him too much. Sitting there, he soon felt Samuel reach out and take his hand. He glanced at Samuel nodding slightly, ”I know.” Micha spoke softly. He shifted a little on the bed as he leaned his head against Samuel. ”I know..and I don’t want this to be the end of us.” Micha spoke softly as tears started to well in his eyes as he sat there. He was finally breaking down, as the hurt took over and passed.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

Sitting beside the male, it was obvious how much he had screwed everything up. He loved Micha deeply and to do something like this was incredibly stupid. He never meant to hurt Micha like this. But he did. He did and there was nothing he could do to make it right. They were just going to have to try and move on. Samuel felt Micha lean against him. As he spoke, he heard the emotion creep into his voice. He knew. He felt the same. As he turned to look at the male, he saw the tears and overwhelming sadness. He fully turned towards the male and wrapped his arms around him. "This doesn't have to end.......we just start over. Take it slow." Samuel held the male close to him, whispering softly near his ear, and pressing a softly kiss to his temple. He thought of apologizing again, but there was no point. Micha understood and anymore was just overkill. He just wanted to sit here and hold him for as long as Micha would let him.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

As he sat there, he couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his cheeks. Micha felt Samuel shift beside him. He glanced toward him, soon feeling his arms around him. Micha moved closer as he slipped his arms around Samuel, letting himself be held. He heard Samuel speak as he sat there. Micha nodded a kiss was pressed to his temple. He did want to start over, after all it would be the only way. Micha shifted burying his head against Samuel's chest.