AFG Sallies

[FogSage]

I'm happy. AGAIN. It's like, insanity, yes? surprised

Anyway, went to the dentist to get my cavities filled, scared to DEATH that I would get an injection in my gum. I was considering getting the gas to relax me, when the doc walks in and says, "You won't need an injection. We're just sanding it out, since your cavity is very small." Well, that made me wriggle with joy, I can tell you. Twenty minutes later, both cavities are filled and it didn't hurt a bit. Wheee! heart  

[Crenn]

I woke up 30 minutes early this morning because of the fact I have to go with my dad who needs the much eariler train. But that's not why I'm posting. After my lecture last night, I was walking around (or as the students in my class call it, lurking) very silently waiting for my parents and a couple of girls on the street said behind my back, "Serial rapiest, you are". It sort of hurts, knowing that someone who doesn't know me, calls me a serial rapiest, and they haven't asked me anything... they just judge me because of my look and 'tempory' behaviour.

But I'm currently sad for some reason.... I guess I'm wondering if I'm a bad person or not. My English Teacher says I'm a good person and that bad things happen to good people...... but I caused me and my friend to have an argument resulting in us not being friends. Maybe I'm just a sad loner....  

[Rastiel]

Crenn

I woke up 30 minutes early this morning because of the fact I have to go with my dad who needs the much eariler train. But that's not why I'm posting. After my lecture last night, I was walking around (or as the students in my class call it, lurking) very silently waiting for my parents and a couple of girls on the street said behind my back, "Serial rapiest, you are". It sort of hurts, knowing that someone who doesn't know me, calls me a serial rapiest, and they haven't asked me anything... they just judge me because of my look and 'tempory' behaviour.

But I'm currently sad for some reason.... I guess I'm wondering if I'm a bad person or not. My English Teacher says I'm a good person and that bad things happen to good people...... but I caused me and my friend to have an argument resulting in us not being friends. Maybe I'm just a sad loner....

Whoever says someone is a serial rapist on sight has obviously never seen one in real life and is a complete moron. Some of the most normal looking people are often the most evil, malicious, twisted people in the world. Don't let them get to you, Crenn. sad  

[UglyCoyoteNG]

Crenn

I woke up 30 minutes early this morning because of the fact I have to go with my dad who needs the much eariler train. But that's not why I'm posting. After my lecture last night, I was walking around (or as the students in my class call it, lurking) very silently waiting for my parents and a couple of girls on the street said behind my back, "Serial rapiest, you are". It sort of hurts, knowing that someone who doesn't know me, calls me a serial rapiest, and they haven't asked me anything... they just judge me because of my look and 'tempory' behaviour.

But I'm currently sad for some reason.... I guess I'm wondering if I'm a bad person or not. My English Teacher says I'm a good person and that bad things happen to good people...... but I caused me and my friend to have an argument resulting in us not being friends. Maybe I'm just a sad loner....

don't even sweat it. Forget it. What dose a judgemental idiot know, anyway? Your a good person, and i agree with your teacher. Good people, unfortunetly, have bad luck. Your not a bad guy, so just ignore her.
I've been called every name in the book, but you know, and i know, i'm not most of ( XD most of. not all!) the things they called me. You know your not a rapiest, and I know it too. Theres no reason to acknowlage them, they don't know anything! After all, somone looks at me and goes. "Oh my god, she dresses like a goth! She must worship satan." Personaly, I just laugh. Theres nothing else to do. Don't let somone that dosent know you judge you.
I'm not a terrible person, and i caused my friends not to like me anymore. And thats that. That dosen't mean i'm bad, and it dosen't mean your bad because you got in a fight. It takes two to tangle.  

[Lloxie]

@Foggy: Woot! Yay for lack of needles! =p

@Crenn: *huggles tightly and pets* Losing friends sucks. I know how lonely it can make you feel. *nuzzles* But you'll always have friends here in the AFG. :3  

[UglyCoyoteNG]

On thursday, i have an appointment with my theripist, and i'm scared.

She wants to talk about my past few years. Particularly, a few years ago in school.

She got ahold of my medical records, I guess.

A few years ago, I was in class BSing with a friend of mine. Dressing alternitivly, we never did fit in. Valentino was infront of us, and turned around, and was BSing with us. At least thats what we thought. He was serious. I left to go write up a problem on the white bored, and when i come back, Hannah is doing her work, so is Valentino. However, my notebook is on the ground. Now, it wouldn't be so bad if it was anything other then my sketch book. So I pick it up, and open it, about to draw--and see somthing that made me sick. He'd spat in my notebook. On the page i'd been working on for weeks. The next page too, and so on threw four. He turned, to see me shocked and tears running down my cheeks, and laughed.
Well. I stabbed him. The pencil I had in my hand wasn't sharp, but it went in enough to have him need stitches. He took my book, and spat in it again, and then on my desk, a bit to close to me. I was tring not to cry, I really was. I went to the teacher, so i could leave the room. He told me to sit down. I raised my hand, he ignored me. I left, i couldn't help it, i was sobbing by then.

The next week, after being in trouble, i find that Valentino is gone. The night when he got home, his fauther beat the crap out of him, as I heard. He came back, and i found his fauther had broken his drawing hand. Badly enough, he couldn't use it at all.

After that, I felt bad, and allowed his friends to beat me. Eery single school morning after that, i'd go and wait just behind the school and wait for his friends. I'd take my shirt off, and put a slimming one on. They'd beat the crap out of me until the bell rang for 15 min. til school, and then i'd go in the bathroom, clean up, and put on another shirt and a sweater. They only beat where clothes would hide, and in the hotter months, they did it especialy to my arms, so i was uncomfortable threw the day. I let him, it was my fault after all.
Yet, I've always felt bad. Valentino never was able to draw, and its my fault. My faultmyfaultmyfalut. I guess I feel its somthing i don't want to think about. i still have scars on my back, and the memories. But if it was so scaring, why did I let them do it? I'm not sure why I still feel pathetic about it.

I guess i wanted to talk about it here because I'm worried, ,and I want to gague how I feel if anyone responds... neutral  

[FogSage]

Sounds to me Valentino got what he deserved. Don't waste your breath asking forgiveness from a jerk like that, NG. mad  

[Shinigami Whistle]

And when I heard the whistle I knew I had been chosen...

*blinkblinks* Wow, NG...I don't even know how to respond to that. That's terrible that something like that happened to you =(

*hates being so bad with words, grah.*



I think something's wrong with me. I go from really happy one moment to completely down the next. I spend most my days just lazing around doing nothing, maybe falling asleep, waiting and waiting for meh mate to get online just so I"ll have someone to talk to. It feels like I'm alone, even though I know I"m not. I'm getting closer and closer to friends and people at school, I got teachers who really seem to like having me around and I enjoy my classes. I get to see my mate IRL now and that's really good to. But yet, I still feel so uneasy most the time, and it's really starting to confuse me. It's like, I don't know if I should be happy or sad right now, or maybe I"m just an odd combination of both, if that makes sense.

I think I just feel burnt out lately, just to much going on and it's catching up to me finally. Guess I was just running along my tracks faster than things could really keep up with.

I got a interview thingie tomorrow at Giant Eagle, hopefully I'll get a job there, even if the pay isn't that great it's nearbye and hey, it's SOMETHING. All the other places I've interviewed at or applied for haven't responded back, and I have a really good chance of getting in at Giant Eagle. So for now I'm gonna take it if I can get it. I need to make money, I'm almost out. I seriously have barely any food in my apartment anymore, and I'm really getting tired of eating only ramen and cereal, truly. I need more substance in me. I can't remember the last time I eat an actual full meal, or even meat for any matter. I think that's not helping me physically wise either, my body is wearing out a ltitle to quickly.


Anyway, I'll stop rambling now, thanks for listening. I just needed to get it off my chest *sighs and slinks off into the shadows*

...to be the one who decides who goes next.

 

[[ Grynn Wolf ]]

I'm so sorry to hear that NG. I understand why you think it's your fault, but I don't think it's something that you need to keep carrying with you after these years. I know it wasn't that long ago, or atleast it doesn't sound like it was...

Either way, I don't think this was entirely your fault. He was a jackass to begin with, and you just reacted, nothing more. But I think the reason this has stayed with you is because of the scars on your back and the emotional scars of having his friends beat you up everyday for so long.

I know its much easier said than done...but I just think it's time to move on and try to forget this time period as best as possible.  

[Sirus Jin]

UglyCoyoteNG

NG

Sounds like you gave yourself an undeserved punishment. This guy just acted out against you for no reason. I mean, as an artist, how could he even THINK about spitting on your art? That is just low. It sounds like he was jelous and acted out in a horrible mannor. Your reaction was...almost justified. Maybe stabing him wasn't right, I'm fairly non-violent so that's why I think that, but getting upset like you did was alright. He shouldn't have made you cry.

Like I said, stabbing wasn't right. But what he did was bad as well. Him getting beaten by his father is not your fault at all. You're a nice person, and I can understand the guilt. But you did not make his father beat him. You did not deserve the punishment you gave yourself.

I am so sorry something horrible like that happened to you. I hope that you can grow more comforitble with it and forgive yourself. (hugs tightly)  

[shoki_de_nai]

It's not your fault NG, really. His dad obviously has some problems, and I'm sure would have found another reason to hurt him. It's probably a factor to why the kid was kinda messed up. I'm not saying what either of you did in that incident was justified, but you certainly had no reason to submit yourself to being beaten up. What they did was completely uncalled for...it wasn't your fault the guy's dad was violent, plus he messed with you first.


In other news...first day o' college for me. I have math first thing in the morning. Ugh. At least my literature class seems nice. The girl that sits in front of me has a service dog, and he's so adorable. But he gets a little carried away with all the people. He had to come and say hi to everyone around him when we were doing a 'get to know your classmates' activity thing.  

[Rainey_angel81]

It's not you fault NG that his father beat the crap out of him. I think your action to his spitting in your notebook was justified. In the end, he got what was coming to him, even if a bit harshly. Don't think it is your fault because everyone's actions have consequences. I feel sorry that you let yourself be beat up and I don;t think it is right. But we cannot turn back time to change what has been done. Afterall, everything people do makes them who they are.  

[Crenn]

HAHA!!! TAKE THAT ADMINS!!! I'M ON GAIA!!!!

*cough* This is a little success and I'm still working on getting meebo, but this is good so far. But if anyone is willing to help me get meebo (by acting as a repeater for me) can someone send me a PM?  

[Krissim Klaw]

NG, it was not your fault. When I say it was not your fault, I mean in absolute no way was it your fault what happened to Valentino's hand. It was also not Valentino's fault. It was his father's fault. There is no reason ever to beat your child to the point your seriously hurt them. In fact, there is no reason to beat your child period.

It sounds like this whole think might very well have been avoided if Valentino's father wasn't a complete a**. I can only imagine the affects on a child that occur from being beaten and having to fear one or both of their parents. I'm sure the beating was nothing new, nor the first time. If anything the asses that called themselves teachers should have sent child services out to Valentino's house.

It is also not your fault that you let them beat you. It is not something to be ashamed of. What you showed was empathy. You could feel another's pain, even if it was someone you hated. You understood what it would mean to loose the ability to draw with your hand. You understood Valentino's pain in a way his scum bucket of a father would never be able to understand.

It is true, that letting another beat you is not the answer, but you can't fault yourself for the mistake. You were still young and learning. Don't be afraid of your scars, or ashamed of them. Look on them with pride, they have made you stronger. You experienced the pain of them and survived. Let them be a silent reminder of how you will never again let someone walk over you. Be proud of the marks life has left on you, and most importantly, never ever be ashamed of the pain that other's have brought on you. A victim is never at fault for what other's do.  

[Krissim Klaw]

Shinigami Whistle

I think something's wrong with me. I go from really happy one moment to completely down the next. I spend most my days just lazing around doing nothing, maybe falling asleep, waiting and waiting for meh mate to get online just so I"ll have someone to talk to. It feels like I'm alone, even though I know I"m not. I'm getting closer and closer to friends and people at school, I got teachers who really seem to like having me around and I enjoy my classes. I get to see my mate IRL now and that's really good to. But yet, I still feel so uneasy most the time, and it's really starting to confuse me. It's like, I don't know if I should be happy or sad right now, or maybe I"m just an odd combination of both, if that makes sense.

I think I just feel burnt out lately, just to much going on and it's catching up to me finally. Guess I was just running along my tracks faster than things could really keep up with.

That sounds very familar to me. It is a feeling that I have experienced, on multiple occassions for varying lengths of time. I'm not sure what to say. I want to tell you some magic cure, but I still don't know it myself.

So, instead I will just tell you what I have come to discover for myself. During that sort of bought of emotion, and lack there of, I often get very phylisophical. I have a tendancy to turn inward and I keep coming up with the same answer. I have lost my spark. That little thing that drives a person on is just not there. I'm too busy running around and taking care of all the junk left on me by my teachers or others. When I do have free time, I'm to tired to do anything but lay around. Literarly, there are days I wish I could just sleep and never wake up.

All I can say, is try to find that inner voice of yours. The one you had when you were a kid. The one that whispers softly to your inner spirit and drives you toward your dreams. You have to shut all the other voices and all the things you think your suppose to feel and think. Just search for what your reason for living is. What is it you want to do. What is the most important thing to you. And no, don't go and say something like to live for another, or live to see my mate, because that is not it. This is something deeper than that. It is something selfish and personal. An inner spark that is born out of a child's dreams. You have to find your reason for living.

That's just what I think anyway. .___.