201 ΡδρζαΓ

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

It seemed silly to him that Micha didn't want to be worried about. He had been hurt to the point of needing to go to the hospital. It was hardly the time to be happy or feeling other sort of emotion that was not worry. It was his first time someone he cared about had been injured like that. The worst thing to happen between him and his family was maybe the time Oliver had broken his wrist during a lacrosse match in middle school. Or when Benjamin sprained an ankle during his Tony Hawk phase. He wasn't used to seeing people beaten and broken like that. Especially people he loved. Knowing Micha would no longer answer any injury related questions, he decided to change topics. All the while, he gently rinsed him off. It was nice. Normally their baths were a get in, get out kind of deal so they could go cuddle or whatever in bed. It was nice to change it up a bit. When he finished, he laid the cloth on top of the water and let it drift away. Wrapping both of his arms around the males waist, he listened to him speak. He smiled as he told him of his plans. "That is something important. I like it.....it's very, you. Have you thought about what part of town you want to live in or what kind of style loft you want?" he asked curiously. Despite all their recent confessions of love, he wasn't surprised at all to hear that Micha wanted to live on his own. He wasn't expecting Micha to want to move in with him or get his own key.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Liam didn’t mind the mess, after all it was his responsibility to clean it up. He had chosen to make Alaine breakfast, the least he could do was wash the dishes. Liam started in on what was already left in the sink. He didn’t know how old they were but leaving dirty dishes around was likely to attract bugs. Liam wouldn’t be surprised if Alaine didn’t clean up after himself. He had seen his office back at the club, one big mess pile. Liam didn’t mind if, he found it amusing. He continued about washing the dishes, as he rinsed them off setting them in the strainer. Liam started on the next set which were his own dishes. He smiled as Alaine spoke, ”I bet you do.” Liam spoke teasing Alaine, but meant nothing by it. He would definitely have to take Alaine out for Thai then, as he had never been. At least it would be something new for the bother of them.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Micha knew Samuel had worried about him, but being smothered was not his idea of a relationship. In his own way he had been glad when Samuel had left for Paris. However in the end, it was his regret that ended their relationship. Micha did not want to push it this time however. He wanted to start over with Samuel. Micha did not want to think about Paris. He knew he would never see it the same anymore. His only memories of that place were no longer good ones. Micha soon felt Samuel finish cleaning him off as the cloth was set in the water. He grabbed it picking it out of the water. Micha could feel Samuel’s arms around his waist. He listened as Samuel spoke, the words seemed off. Micha leaned against Samuel as he held onto him. ”Not yet, it’s just an idea.” He spoke softly as he ran the wash cloth over his arms. Micha wasn't so sure moving in together and so quickly was such a good idea. Sure they were happy now, but what about tomorrow when everything set it. He worried a little but tried not to. Micha didn’t want to be too happy, only to see it wash away.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

In hindsight, Samuel had been overbearing and overprotective in a time when he thought Micha needed it the most. Paris had been a complete disaster and he shared as much blame in their inevitable end as Micha did. The thought of tomorrow was indeed terrifying. For what if this were to be nothing more than a lovely dream? A part of him always wondered if someday he might crack under the pressure of his loneliness. But no, he was real, here, and in his arms. Tomorrow they would have to go back to their real lives. It would be a challenge that was for sure. But in order to move forward, Samuel wanted to start fresh. If something were to go wrong, he wanted to be told. If he was being too clingy, he needed to hear that too. They weren't going to work out if they fell into the same pattern of things where they left off. When he spoke, his were not of something his last years self would have said. Most things about him had not changed, but there were a few that had and Micha needed to see that. He continued to hold the male as he leaned against him, and listened when he spoke. "Well, at least you know what you want. That's a start." he replied. Samuel relaxed in the tub while watching the male for a bit. The water was nice and it felt good to just be like this, in this moment. After a few minutes passed, he sighed. "Do you think our breaking up was inevitable?" he asked curiously. "Like say if what happened, didn't happen. Do you think we would have just found something else to bicker over and end it then? Or would we have gotten over it and last year never would have happened?" It was a strange question, this he knew. But it was something that was weighing on his mind. They weren't even trying to talk about Paris. Almost as if it were the elephant in the room that was never supposed to be talked about.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

The inevitable would have happened sure. Micha however did not want to think like that. He did not want to think about that night or the voice on the other end of the phone that had taunted Samuel. Micha didn’t want to think of another man with Samuel. He was lucky he hadn’t physically hurt him, merely mentally. Micha had thought about that night especially in the last year. Could things had gone differently perhaps, but he didn’t want to think of how. He nodded hearing Samuel speak. Micha didn’t know if living together was such a good idea, but at least he could have a place of his own again. Micha was looking to get back to working especially after a year hiatus. He needed to reground himself into the norm. Micha relaxed lying there but it seemed Samuel had something on his mind.

As much as he was trying to avoid the question, it seemed Samuel didn’t want to. Micha shifted as he turned to face Samuel. He sighed a little as he wrapped his arms around his neck as he settled back in his lap. ”There was always the case something else would have occurred Samuel...We always bickered and eventually something would lead us to part, though I don’t think for a year maybe a few months but not as long as it had…” Micha spoke softly as he watched Samuel. ”However leaving you in the hotel in Paris was not the best of ideas... I needed space Samuel...but I think in my own way I pushed you away which is probably why you took it upon yourself to find comfort in another person’s arms.” He spoke not blaming Samuel, but if he wanted to talk about it then so be it.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

Out of everything that went wrong in their relationship, their last night together in Paris was the one that stood out the most. Samuel could tell that Micha was avoiding the issue. And for what it was worth, he couldn't blame him in doing so. But still it was nagging at him. Like an itch he just couldn't scratch. They had never really addressed what happened. At least not in that extensive of detail. Again, he understood why. What sane person did want to hear the horny details of their significant other with another person. Perhaps there was someone in the world who did, but definitely not Micha.

After questioning the male he looked down as he again shifted in his lap. His arms temporarily released him while he adjusted to face him once more. When he finished arms looped back around him. He listened to him sigh and begin to speak. It didn't surprise him at all to find out that Micha too thought something else would happen to break them up. He wished that a little bickering was all that happened. That wasn't the case unfortunately. He nodded quietly as he continued. When he was done, he couldn't help but sigh. "You know I'm still surprised you even came to Paris...After Ave...ah, I mean, after our phone call...I didn't think I was going to see you again." he replied, like Micha he kept his eyes on him while he spoke. "Even when you did leave, y'know I couldn't bring myself to blame you.....As much as it hurt, I knew I deserved it......I should have gone after you."

 

[xDarkWinterx]

The idea of hearing about Samuel with another man did not interest him. It did not even thrill him. Micha did not want to even know if Samuel enjoyed himself. He was rather possessive in a way, and annoyed with Samuel. Micha knew Samuel had been with more men than he probably had but that still hurt him to know he’d been cheated on. He had tried not to think about it or even want to talk about it, but it seemed Samuel was bent on talking about it. Micha felt Samuel’s arms slip around him as he sat there. He listened as Samuel spoke knowing it had surprised him to show up there. Micha had thought he could have gotten over knowing Samuel had cheated on him but he hadn’t. He listened as Samuel spoke nodding a little at his words. Micha did blame Samuel however for not coming after him, but it only proved his point. ”Answer me this Samuel...Did you enjoy being with another man?...Were you tired of what we had and needed someone new?” He asked curiously, he wouldn't be mad at Samuel. Micha was merely curious if Samuel just wanted someone different to have sex with, besides him.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

He shouldn't be wanting to talking about this. In fact this probably be the last thing he ever wanted to talk about with Micha. But he couldn't help himself. All year, he'd thought about that night. It was constantly at the forefront of his mind playing over like a bad movie. He blamed that memory in particular for why he could never forget Micha. Samuel was well aware of how much he hurt Micha. There were no words, no gestures, nothing in the world he could to take that back. He watched the male as he nodded and listened to him speak. His words were a bit surprising. He remembered last year how Micha wanted to know absolutely nothing of his encounter with the male. And a part of him thanked him for that. He was positive that might have been the only reason Micha had not caused any bodily harm to him as mad as he was. " I was lonely that you kept pushing me away and I felt like I was loosing you. But I want you to know I didn't go directly looking for anyone. So please, listen to me.....My plane landed close to eight o'clock that night. It took about an hour to get the hotel and I went down to the bar after check-in. My intentions weren't to get drunk or look for guys. I just wanted a night cap to help me sleep and then he came up to me. We chatted, had some drinks, and before I knew it I was taking him back to my room. From what I can remember, the sex was enjoyable but his personality after was god awful.....So I guess you could say to a point I did enjoy it." Samuel paused a moment to study the male. If ever there was a time to hit him or say something, it would be now. After another moment passed, he decide to continue. "To answer your last question though, I've never been tired of you. But I did think you were tired of me.....I didn't want to be screwed over again and not by you." His voice grew quiet and he at last looked away. He was ashamed for what he did.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

True what man wanted to hear about his lover’s affair. Micha knew he hadn’t given Samuel a chance to explain himself however he really didn’t want to know. He needed to know, even though Samuel had said he hadn’t been with anyone since him, that didn’t give him comfort. Micha knew there were other’s Samuel had been with, he was not his only lover. He worried though would Samuel cheat on him again, as he had already done it once. Micha didn’t want to think about it, but the possibility was there. He knew he had pushed Samuel away in the last few months they were together. Micha couldn’t help it especially since Samuel hovered instead of going to work or leaving him for a while. In the last month they had been together practically 24/7. It was another reason that he didn’t want to move in with Samuel so fast. He worried about them drifting apart again.

Sitting there he listened to Samuel talk. Micha found that he was regretting asking however. He did not want to listen to Samuel talk about sex with another man. Micha watched Samuel as he continued to speak. He withdrew his hands as he let them fall a little between them. Micha watched as Samuel soon finished and looked away. ”I was never tired of you Samuel...but I just couldn’t handle you being there all the time not because you were clingy because I wasn’t used to it...Your the first man I’ve gone this far with...I never loved another man and spent this long with one either.” He spoke sighing a little as he ran a hand up through his hair. ”However being screwed over, it seemed you expected it to happen so you screwed me over first.” Micha spoke a little annoyed that Samuel expected him to hurt him first not the other way around.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

As he sat there he worried he might have overstepped his bounds. If he wasn't careful he feared he might get to witness a part two of last year. The more he spoke, he more he could tell that Micha did not want to hear. He kept his hold on the male even though he felt Micha withdraw his. He knew this must be hard to hear. He was practically cutting open the old wound. He could understand if Micha didn't one hundred percent want to trust him. It was fair. Although Samuel had no future plans of cheating on him....or anyone for that matter. Listening to Micha speak how it seemed like really had been one big misunderstanding. Once again their emotions had gotten the best of them without even trying to talk it out. "Old habits die hard." he whispered softly, still looking away from him. "I was scared. The s**t with your dad and the hospital....I know you're strong, but you have no idea how incredibly fragile you looked when I found you. I didn't leave your side because I didn't want to. I was worried about you...even when you got out of the hospital you could barely move on your own....when you started pushing me away I didn't know what to think. You wouldn't talk to me and when we did talk it was already all messed up." His words were true and painful. For twelve long months he'd been holding them in. And now Micha knew everything.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Micha wasn’t mad at Samuel. The longer he sat there it seemed as if this talk was needed. It was better to talk about it now when the wounds were fresh than later down the line. He knew that he had told Samuel that they needed to be honest with each other. Micha knew he had only asked for it, even though he didn’t want to hear it he needed to. He listened as Samuel spoke watching as he still wasn’t looking at him. Micha listened as Samuel spoke again, understanding his words. He only had himself to blame. Micha had been hurt but it was nothing new to him. He knew that it was however for Samuel. Micha had never intended for Samuel to see him like that, but it was unavoidable. He knew his father would hurt him one way or another. Micha shifted moving as he slipped his arms around Samuel. He leaned forward lying his head on Samuel’s shoulder. ”I was scared too Samuel...I didn’t want you to see me that way.” Micha spoke softly as he sighed a little, ”But I don’t want what happened to be what causes us not to move on.” He pulled back to look at Samuel. Micha wanted to move on, he didn’t want to dwell on the pain of what he had done and what Samuel had done. He hoped to start over and leave Paris in the past. A year apart, he just wanted to begin with a new slate.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

If they were to make any sort of progress then this conversation definitely needed to happen. Perhaps not while they were both wet and naked, but beggars can't be choosers. Micha may have been used to seeing people getting mistreated in such an abusive manner all the time, but not Samuel. He'd never seen anyone like that. More so he had never seen anyone he cared for like that. This wasn't to say it was Micha's fault, but he could have at least tried to see things from his perspective a bit. Just as he could have tried a bit harder to see things from Micha's. Feeling the male move against him, he at last turned his head to look back at him. After listening to him speak, he couldn't agree more. If he kept bringing up ancient history, he would be the reason they couldn't move forward. "I want to move on. With you." he said softly. But he was completely serious. If he was going to be with anyone it had to be Micha. No one else would do. He didn't want to rehash the past or make regrets. Leaning forward, he pressed a gentle kiss to Micha's lips. From today on, clean slate. It was just him and Micha.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

MIcha understood where Samuel was coming from. It wasn’t a normal day to him to see someone he loved abused. He knew why Samuel had hovered however it was something he wasn’t used to. Micha was used to abuse, but not for someone to care for and about him. He found it an odd feeling and couldn’t help but push Samuel away. It had not been his intention however to push him hard enough to find someone else, even just for affection. Micha didn’t want to think about it like that however. He nodded as Samuel spoke, glad he was understanding his point. Micha knew that without talking they couldn’t move on. He returned Samuel’s kiss as he kissed him. Micha smiled as he held onto him. ”You better.” He teased Samuel as he kissed him again. There was no one he wanted more than Samuel. He loved him, and couldn’t see spending the rest of his life without him.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

【ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ,
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sᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇғᴜʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.】

Like it or not, so long as they were together Samuel was going to care about him. If he got hurt, he was going to worry. If they were going to spend the next sixty or so years together, Micha was going to need to get used to it. Just as he was going to need to ease up on his clinging. Unless Micha got seriously hurt again, then he was stuck with him all over again. This talk was definitely needed. It had been long delayed and their feelings on festered for too long. There was no point in trying to move on if either of them continued to dwell on the past. After making his peace, Samuel leaned forward to kiss Micha. He soon felt his kiss returned. He smiled a bit as he was then teased."Yes, sir." he teased back as he gave Micha a quick squeeze of a hug as he was kissed again. Samuel kissed him back sweetly and nipped his lower lip before kissing him again.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

Talking had always been their number one flaw. He knew they needed to work on it if they wanted thing to work between them. Micha was never very good with words, but neither was Samuel at times. They both had a bad habit of bottling things in until the dam burst. He didn’t want another break up between them to be the final one. Micha kissed Samuel feeling him return his kiss. He laughed softly as Samuel teased him in return. Micha felt Samuel hug him as he kissed him again. He relaxed in Samuel’s arms as he sat there. Micha kissed Samuel parting his lips as he felt him n** his lip. He slipped his hand up threading it through Samuel’s hair as they kissed. Micha kissed him deeply as held onto him.