The Funniest thing you've ever said/heard

[XxBeautyofAnnihilationxX]

The funniest thing i remember saying right now...OH YA!!! some guy i didnt know tried flirting with me. He said " hey what's up?". I said " You" then i kicked him in the no no place and he jumped, like, five feet in the air. It was hilarious. lol. makes me laugh to think about it. lol. rofl  

[Fabulously Lucius]

If you laugh at this, I get to have sex with you.  

[sexii_brown_eyes]

"I Like Your c**k, I MEAN ROOSTER.!"  

[Phiaru]

Hmmmn....I mostly say: blub, tweet, meep and one other word (That I wont say 'cause I dont know if I can) and people laugh... And if I keep repeating that words they almost die of laughter

 

[KittySongLUVsJONASBoys]

Joeyfish5

MystiBlu

O gawd! Aryllia just cracks me up sometimes - without even trying! You never know what she might say! But for actual quotes, I will have to do some research in my archives.
As for me...sometimes I just say ordinary things that get sooo taken out of context.

One of Aryllia's all time faves, I think, is: Crotch Rocket. Sometimes I forget that not everybody uses the same slang.

So, now here's a story that is kinda amusing. One of my older brothers had a friend over and they were working on my bro's car and I (15 and very VERY naive) happened to walk past and notice a bolt on the ground by one of the tires. So I picked it up and, just as my bro's friend was taking a drink of soda, looked at the friend and said "Want a screw?" Thank goodness I wasnt standing right in front of him cuz that soda turned his nose into a fountain and I thought my brother was gonna choke to death. LoL I just stood there, blonde that I am, batting my eyelashes, n said "Well?" then shook my head at them, laid the bolt on the bumper of the car and walked off.

rofl
*can't breathe*
rofl

LoL  

[Kitten254]

idsee how this is dirty or funny or whatever but my bf was cracking up at lunch when i said it.....
my friend said ,"you didnt see that!"
and i said,"NO ONE CAN SEE ANYTHING!!!"
and it like 2 seconds he was like cracking up on the floor....
....
another on is i was watching teen titans (cuz im awesome like that) and cyborg what having a virus and so all he did is wanna eat (most of it wasnt food) and so when they robin, raven, starfire, and beastboy tied him down he yelled, "I HAVE A GOOD IDEA, LETS GO OUT FOR WAFFLES!!!!! RAVEN I KNOW YOU LOVE WAFFLES!!!!" and she said in a real emotionless tone, "more than life itself". So i have a friend named raven so at lunch i screamed that out and she said, "more than life itself" EVERYONE AT LUNCH WAS STARING AT US IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!
well at least for us  

[Mariel Stormblade]

This is actually a quote from a podcast, but its just so lmao funny that i had to post it:

Will: "So each episode isn't good enough, you want to get grosser every section?!"
Aaron: "What, how is that gross? It's just a wiggle-stick going *wah*!"
Will: I was talking to your p***s and it made a noise at me ....

*awkward pause* stare

*hysterical laughter* rofl

mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen  

[abandoned_nr_5448214]

Okay, I just remembered something.
When I was very young (we're speaking 13 years old here) me and two friends (one of them would later be my girlfriend) used to stay at the same spot waiting for the bus to school. We also had this ridiculous habit to make obvious statements about the weather and its affects.

Me: Sandra, you know what?

S: What?

Me: It's raining )':

S: No really!? (as if we were not drenched to the bones)

Me: Sandra...

S: what?

Me: I'm wet D:

S: NO JOKING!? 0A0

Now this was only halfway funny, but it's a foundation and background story. Many years later I walked in another shitty rainweather with another (but definitely more perverted) friend that later would become my bf and I remembered my old habit.

Me: David...

D: what?

Me: I'm wet D:

Now I be blasted if the b*****d didn't catch the innuendo head on and started giggling/laughing/choking hysterically!?


Now I'm single again but I'm thinking of using it as my standard pick up line. Hells know that my irl friends comes in any possible sexual preference so one needs some kind of test to see if there's any chance in trying.  

[Cass Dee of Corvictory]

I remember when I was at my brother's house chillin' out with his friends.
That night me, my brother Tim, and his bro, Kevin were all playing Tales of Symphonia when Tim noticed that he and Kevin were both barefoot. He and Kevin then both said "Come on, Lona, take your socks off and join the orgy". xd

I just spilled my first name didn't I?  

[V_V Grr X_X]

" I get like fifty boners a day in these pants"  

[Kirei_chan]

An exchange between my friends (I shall call them K and S to maintain whatever innocence they may have left) before our concert in Austria (during a trip to Europe for band) resulted in probably the most glorious "that's what she said" one has probably ever heard.

We are singing one of the songs that we were performing (there was actually a part where the band had to sing "la la la la" to the melody) and S and I stop.

S: I think we're finished.
K: Just because you're finished doesn't mean I am.

S and I look at each other.
(in unison): That's what she said.

We could hardly stop laughing.  

[HyperActiveEmo205]

man i got to write this down ok the funniest thing me and my friends did was that we were in art and had a sub so he told us to do some form of work so we were doing our laws for sox. studies this is how it went down (me=m;one friend=k and last one=i)
i:the teachers can just use those type writer things for blind people and then the student will be able to do there work
k:yah thats a good law and they still wont be able to discriminate then
i:they could be like "oh yes yes i seeee"
k:yah
i: no pun intendend
m and k:what
i: OH I SEEEEEEEE
*wait a few seconds*
m and k: ohhhhh
*a few more*
m and k: lol hahahahhaha *my face was on the desk and my guts hurt by this time*

after we finished laughing everyone was looking at us really funny and i got really embaressed because my crush was in there too... redface  

[Cass Dee of Corvictory]

Once in band I was talking about bass flutes and I told my friend that "the head makes it look big" and that "the body is fat".  

[Kitten254]

Me and my friend Trivia had had the BEST day ever at Wild waves and so we were heading back home and in the car we decided to play this game we made up where i or she says a word and watever word comes to mind we say it.....(ya i know, its already been invented) so we are sitting there and whatever word she said i kept saying fish and she keep saying pants so i said,
"fish"
"PANTS" she screamed......i was like..."pants?" then she said mexican jumping (long story about how i was jumping off the walls at the emptied wave cool and i started this thing where people were jumping off the walls and s**t) soo i said Fish....and we started cracking up.......

OH and when we were in the haunted house there, this person jumped out at me and i screamed FISH!!!!!! IT was hilarious!!!!! Then i go to feed the fishies in the pond........

she ended up staying the night while me and her played that game all night

oh and our dinner was taco bell, right? and so we alll get a crunch wrap supreme....i didnt want tomatoes on mine...so when we get it, mine has a sticker on it and it says "special" i was like OH COME ONE!!!!!! It was hilarious!!!!!  

[Darkside4125]

ok so i live in alabama (to set the scene for this funny).me and my friend had been outside most of the day. she is the one who normaly comes up with funny stuff, well this day was different. so we had just sat down on a railing in front of her house after walking around the neighborhood. we hear this weird as hell sound. a few seconds later i randomly said redneck mateing call. my friend looked at me and started laughing so hard. she was like you never say anything funny and i was like i have my moments.