Blonde Jokes

[Stalking the Night]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.  

[Stalking the Night]

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats". Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 "and by the way the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari".  

[BigJammer]

stalker of the night

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl Good One  

[[.NikNik.Chan.]]

Why did the blonde have square boobs ?

Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

 

[[.NikNik.Chan.]]

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

 

[[.NikNik.Chan.]]

What's the blonde's cheer?

" I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B . L . O . N.... ummmm, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yeah yeah yeah..."

 

[bpwolf]

whats a blondes idea of safe sex

locking the car door  

[Fairy Pagan Goddess]

A man walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he would like to hear a blond joke. The batender says "before you tell it I just want you to know the man to you right is 6'3" 280lbs, the woman to your left is 5'11" 190 lbs, and I'm 6'2" 245lbs and we're all blond, so do you want to tell you joke now?" The man says "No, I don't want to have to repeat it 3 time."  

[velcro_freak]

A Blonde, A Brunette and A Redhead were in a bar in France when they hear about a magical mirror. Supposedly if you tell this mirror something you think about yourself then it will grant you a wish and make it true. The Brunette, who happens to have low self-esteem, walks up to the mirror and says, 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world!' Poof! She's gone. Because, as everybody knows, magical mirrors do not like liars. The Redhead, who also has low self-esteem, walks up to the mirror and says, 'I think I am the most intelligent woman in the world!' Poof! She's gone. Now the Blonde is incredibly full of herself, so she saunters up to the mirror, and with a look of determination says 'I think...' and POOF! She's gone.  

[Shadow_Qween]

velcro_freak

A Blonde, A Brunette and A Redhead were in a bar in France when they hear about a magical mirror. Supposedly if you tell this mirror something you think about yourself then it will grant you a wish and make it true. The Brunette, who happens to have low self-esteem, walks up to the mirror and says, 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world!' Poof! She's gone. Because, as everybody knows, magical mirrors do not like liars. The Redhead, who also has low self-esteem, walks up to the mirror and says, 'I think I am the most intelligent woman in the world!' Poof! She's gone. Now the Blonde is incredibly full of herself, so she saunters up to the mirror, and with a look of determination says 'I think...' and POOF! She's gone.

roflmao rofl rofl rofl  

[Jade Gears]

a blond walks into a hairdressers with headphones on. the man asks her to take them off so he can cut her hair but she says no and sits down. he takes them off anyway and she dies. when he listens to her headphones he hears, "breath in, reath out, breath in, breath out."  

[Adaghar]

what do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? pull the pin and throw it back!!
what do you do if a blond throws a pin at you? duck because shes got the grenade in her mouth!!  

[Adaghar]

my sister is a blond and shes actually doing this. shes collecting all the blond jokes she can find and when she thinks shes found them all shes going to sue the people that thought them up. i love my sister but what a dumbass. pardon my french.  

[haloshatterer]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"  

[short pixie]

a blond was driving down the highway in her new car when she saw a man standing on the side of the rode waving his arms. the blond being the good person who she was pulled over to see what was wrong. the man the pulls out a knife and tells her to step out of the car. he then draws a circle around her and tell her not to move. the man them starts slashing the seats in the car. the blond giggles alittl. the man gets angerier and slashes the tires the blonds giggles again but a little louder. then the man filled with more anger smashes the windows by now the blond is laughing so hard she cant breath. the man now confused turns around and ask her how she can be laughing while he wrecks her new car. the blond looks at him and bluntly says while you were hurting my car i stepped out of the circle three times. rofl