First dates with the Men and Women of Naruto

[mofoslotmachine]

EwYouNerd

kimmiepoo

Captain Verd

Pank introduces the stunning Shakespeariaebaan play:

A DATE WITH NEJI

Neji meets you at your house. He talks to your dad, starts discussing politics and monies and property taxes and stuff. You go back to your room, take off you rpretty clothes, put on apir of jeans and tell dad you're going out with your friends. Neji doesn't notice. He spends the night exchanging stock profits with your dad, who suggests you marry him the next day.

The End.

..LOL.

neutral Then, surprise surprise. Your dad runs off with Neji.

Only if your dad is Gai, amirite.  

[EwYouNerd]

mofoslotmachine

EwYouNerd

kimmiepoo

Captain Verd

Pank introduces the stunning Shakespeariaebaan play:

A DATE WITH NEJI

Neji meets you at your house. He talks to your dad, starts discussing politics and monies and property taxes and stuff. You go back to your room, take off you rpretty clothes, put on apir of jeans and tell dad you're going out with your friends. Neji doesn't notice. He spends the night exchanging stock profits with your dad, who suggests you marry him the next day.

The End.

..LOL.

neutral Then, surprise surprise. Your dad runs off with Neji.

Only if your dad is Gai, amirite.

Neji's got that Daddy complex, Gai has a son complex.

Match made in heaven.

Voltage and I DID say that if Neji ever dated Ino, he'd just flirt with her Dad the entire time XD  

[mofoslotmachine]

EwYouNerd

Neji's got that Daddy complex, Gai has a son complex.

Match made in heaven.

Voltage and I DID say that if Neji ever dated Ino, he'd just flirt with her Dad the entire time XD

askdjalsjd HAHAHA. rofl He would. Inoichi would be all "D< SO YOU'RE DATING MY DAUGHTER?!" and eventually end up loving Neji. And Ino would be mad at her dad for being such a cockblock.  

[EwYouNerd]

mofoslotmachine

EwYouNerd

Neji's got that Daddy complex, Gai has a son complex.

Match made in heaven.

Voltage and I DID say that if Neji ever dated Ino, he'd just flirt with her Dad the entire time XD

askdjalsjd HAHAHA. rofl He would. Inoichi would be all "D< SO YOU'RE DATING MY DAUGHTER?!" and eventually end up loving Neji. And Ino would be mad at her dad for being such a cockblock.

Ino would have to keep him away from her Father, since Neji would know that twisted Inoichi is just a few drinks away....

And she'd tell Inoichi that Neji broke her heart and cheated on her, and Inoichi would ban Neji from going near his daughter again.

And Neji would weep. But not because of that.  

[EwYouNerd]

Jiraiya: As Verd said, Jiraiya is the type to get straight to the point. He's talented, wise, experienced, and completely and utterly tactless with how perverted he is. However, he's got moolah and can hide behind the 'artist' gig when asking you to pose naked for him. And come on, who WOULDN'T if they thought no one would find out? Get ready for a lot of sleezy pick-up lines, cheesey one liners, knowing grins (at moments where they are completely inappropriate), and him doing that lame finger-dancing thing over to your hand. He'd ask you about your goals and aspirations, and you'd smile and begin talking. He nods, looking interested. He then asks you if you'd like to go out back to have sex. You say yes, of course, becuase you're you. And he's Jiraiya. After some boring, sloppy, drunk sex where he calls you Orochimaru at least 4 times, you indignantly put your own clothes back on, nervously saying you have to get home. He waves his hand, nodding, and gives you some tips on keeping yourself more 'hygenic' down there.

cry You cry, of course, and stomp off. You can find your local Jiraiya in zoos, or all you need to do is throw a biscuit in the air and out of nowhere, a Jiraiya will come and catch it in his mouth, pounding on his chest and trying to impress you.

Damn right, it's better than yours.

Orochimaru: He's tall, he's dark and mysterious, and he's handsome. Orochimaru is the man that you did not even set UP a date with, you just happened to meet him in some seedy, suspicious way. Perhaps you were at the library, fell off of the stool you were propped up on, and fell right into his arms. Or maybe you were saved from a Lion's Den by him. Either way, Orochimaru would come into your life just when it has plunged into darkness, and you are desperately searching for any glimmer of hope. He'd tell you clever jokes, philosophize about life and spout intelligent antecdotes about just any subject in life, discuss his favourite books and schools of thought with you, and none of that matters because holy sh*t did you see his tongue ? You spend the night mesmerized; His laugh, his snakey voice slithering up your neck and arriving at your ear, his beautiful hair, his wise eyes....you're basically his. He's given you hope. It doesn't matter that tons of horrible things in your life conveniently happened to get you to date him-such as you losing your parents, your dog getting run over, and your chinchilla getting a cold and dying....he was there for you. It also isn't that big of a deal that he's putting you up to robbing banks and kidnapping, now. In the name of love, right? You'd walk 500 miles and you'd walk 500 more, baby.

He clasps his cold hands over yours, and you know that this is it. This is the moment where he will open up to you, confess his love, and profess how sad and lonely he is deep down. He asks for your ID. That is alright. Anything for your own personal jesus. You hand it to him.

He scoffs, with a disgusted look, and walks off. You're underaged! And Orochimaru is not into ******, man. Gross.  

[EwYouNerd]

Asuma: He's the man of your dreams. He sits there, smiling at you, eyes staring blankly at yours, glossed over. You're so happy he's let you top, and you caress his face as he writhes underneath you, except quite stiffly. You wipe a maggot from his cheek tenderly, then finish off all over his chest. You stand up abruptly, brush yourself off, and get your shovel. Back to work. Gotta hide the evidence.  

[Syndactyly]

kimmiepoo

Ewyounerd, you and I both know Shikamaru would fart all night on the date. And forget to wear deodorant. LOL. rofl

And Kankuro and Gai would be the sexiest dates. You'd just look good going out with them. Yeah dude totally.

And Kakashi would be kind of boring. But I'd like, tell him that a perfect date would be to watch him make out with Gai.

And Asuma would just give me lung cancer.

And a date with Naruto would be like, douche mania.

And a date with Sasuke wouldn't exist.

And a date with Neji would be like, more boring than a date with a piece of paper.

And a date with Lee would be amazing and you'd never want it to end because he's just the best thing ever.

Did I mention a date with Shikamaru would be gross?

A date with Kiba would be fun, like Lee's.

A date with Shino would be like, I donno a nap or something.

ITS OKAY I LOVE YOU

You are such a Shikamaru fangirl in denial. lol  

[Syndactyly]

EwYouNerd

Asuma: He's the man of your dreams. He sits there, smiling at you, eyes staring blankly at yours, glossed over. You're so happy he's let you top, and you caress his face as he writhes underneath you, except quite stiffly. You wipe a maggot from his cheek tenderly, then finish off all over his chest. You stand up abruptly, brush yourself off, and get your shovel. Back to work. Gotta hide the evidence.

crying  

[Pekora]

EwYouNerd

Asuma: He's the man of your dreams. He sits there, smiling at you, eyes staring blankly at yours, glossed over. You're so happy he's let you top, and you caress his face as he writhes underneath you, except quite stiffly. You wipe a maggot from his cheek tenderly, then finish off all over his chest. You stand up abruptly, brush yourself off, and get your shovel. Back to work. Gotta hide the evidence.

That's what happens when you find the right guy D=, he dies of a lung cancer before finishing =/.  

[Captain Verd]

I have the perfect quote for this situation, generously donated by GD.

"wut do you do after you have sex?"
"Put the body back in the grave."  

[kimmiepoo]

Shikalee

kimmiepoo

Ewyounerd, you and I both know Shikamaru would fart all night on the date. And forget to wear deodorant. LOL. rofl

And Kankuro and Gai would be the sexiest dates. You'd just look good going out with them. Yeah dude totally.

And Kakashi would be kind of boring. But I'd like, tell him that a perfect date would be to watch him make out with Gai.

And Asuma would just give me lung cancer.

And a date with Naruto would be like, douche mania.

And a date with Sasuke wouldn't exist.

And a date with Neji would be like, more boring than a date with a piece of paper.

And a date with Lee would be amazing and you'd never want it to end because he's just the best thing ever.

Did I mention a date with Shikamaru would be gross?

A date with Kiba would be fun, like Lee's.

A date with Shino would be like, I donno a nap or something.

ITS OKAY I LOVE YOU

You are such a Shikamaru fangirl in denial. lol

Do you love me?  

[Syndactyly]

Captain Verd

I have the perfect quote for this situation, generously donated by GD.

"wut do you do after you have sex?"
"Put the body back in the grave."

lol

GD. Some days, gotta love them.  

[Missing00]

EwYouNerd

Asuma: He's the man of your dreams. He sits there, smiling at you, eyes staring blankly at yours, glossed over. You're so happy he's let you top, and you caress his face as he writhes underneath you, except quite stiffly. You wipe a maggot from his cheek tenderly, then finish off all over his chest. You stand up abruptly, brush yourself off, and get your shovel. Back to work. Gotta hide the evidence.

do one for Itachi and Deidara.  

[Princess Dustbunny]

EwYouNerd

Asuma: He's the man of your dreams. He sits there, smiling at you, eyes staring blankly at yours, glossed over. You're so happy he's let you top, and you caress his face as he writhes underneath you, except quite stiffly. You wipe a maggot from his cheek tenderly, then finish off all over his chest. You stand up abruptly, brush yourself off, and get your shovel. Back to work. Gotta hide the evidence.

rofl rofl rofl