[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"You think a bit of magic and a run will cause me problems?" Loki questioned with an amused smile when Sleepnir ran a hand over his belly. He knew that Sleepnir had been there when he had been carrying the twins, and all that hardships he had dealt with. He knew his son probably feared that there would be similar results as with that case. He walked with his son keeping the pace and allowing him to think and talk. When Sleepnir asked how he honestly was he didn't answer right away instead taking some time to think about it. "I've begin to show, just slightly but if Tony is paying enough attention one night he'll find out. It makes me worried immensely about what his reaction would be. It keeps me awake and makes me nervous. I told Bruce and Steve found out, they could tell Tony at any point. There has been a drain on my magic like there was with the twins and your other siblings." Loki told his son. "If Tony finds out and then rejects me I do not know what I will do, even more still if he wants me to rid myself of the child. Here on Midgard it is not uncommon, and it seems to be done often enough that there was much literature on it when I was merely researching what Midgardians thought was harmful to a child. It scares me..." he continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Sleepnir listened, looking a little startled at Loki’s concerns. “Do you really think Tony would do that?” he asked slowly. He didn’t know Tony, having only met him briefly when he was on Asgard, but he trusted that Loki wouldn’t fall for someone that was too bad, or at least wouldn’t stay with them. To hear that Loki thought Tony would have such a reaction was a little disturbing. “If you think that Tony will react so badly, why would you want him involved at all?”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"yes, no... I do not know. There is so much contradiction around him. He swears not wanting to have children from fear of being a terrible parent but treats Fenrir like his own." Loki breathed. He felt so conflicted about telling Tony of the child. He had so many doubts from the past that made him wary. "I...I don't know. I don't think Tony would do such things but I have been wrong before." he continued solemnly.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“You’ve been wrong, but you’ve been right too mother.” Sleepnir said gently. “Tony seems to be the type to value life, and to value all life…I don’t think he’d ever be a threat to the baby at least. I can’t say if he would be a good father or if he’d want to be one, but I think the baby is safe at least.” He said softly.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked unsure towards Sleepnir when his son said that he had been wrong but that he had also been right. Loki could think of few occasions where he had been right most of the time he had been wrong no matter which way he thought, his life was in all respects chaos. He couldn't deny that Tony seemed to be the type that valued life and maybe he wouldn't force Loki to rid himself of the child but that did not mean he would want it. Loki node in that respect because at least there he could be fairly sure. And even it came down to what he disnt want to think about he could run and hide. "true..." he finally answered.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Sleepnir looked to Loki as the god thought and responded. “Mother….I don’t know much about Tony or about what you’ve seen and been through with him, but I know you. You wouldn’t have fallen for him and you wouldn’t have fought so hard to be with him if you weren’t meant to be with him, if you didn’t know, deep down, that you could be with him, including having a family.” He said slowly.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Green eyes looked surprised when his son said that he didn't know Tony but that he knew Loki. He knew that he wouldn't have fallen for Tony and fought so hard to be with him if he hadn't known deep down that he could be with him and include a family. "I know and yet i'm scared your siblings father..." Loki began but cut himself off. He wouldn't open that line of thought and allow his children's memory of their father to be tainted.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Sleepnir slowed his pace and finally stopped, crossing his arms and looking to Loki. “Mother.” He said firmly. “I love you and I know this isn’t easy. But you have to start being decisive now. You have to start taking care of yourself how you need to for your health and the health of the baby.” He said quickly. “I don’t want to hear that you or my youngest sibling are in trouble somehow because you’re letting uncertainty and questions cloud your mind.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki stopped as Sleepnir as did knowing it would come to this. He had hoped they would be further from the house but he supposed they were far enough. "You think I am not taking care of myself and my child?" Loki questioned looking almost offended. He had been eating and done his research and he had been sleeping where he could. He wasn't going to any of the fights the Avengers had instead offering advice from the comms. He didn't know how much more taking care he could do.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“I know your caring for yourself, but I also know there is more you could be doing but can’t because you’re trying to keep this secret. And if your magic is starting to drain already, soon it’ll be noticeable to others.” Sleepnir replied, not shying away from the offended look he was given. He might be shy around others, but he never feared stating his opinion and thoughts when he was alone with Loki.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki frowned at his son when the man said that he knew there was more he could do to take care of the baby and himself if he stopped hiding. "I do not do much magic here." he argued. He knew his son would not back down from this he was stubborn, stubborn like his mother. That thought would have made Loki smile if he was not getting sick of this conversation topic. It seemed like everyone that knew had been going at him about this. "Why did this even come up, is this what you wanted to do this evening?" Loki berated.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“No….it’s not what I wanted….” Sleepnir said, looking away. “It’s just…..I want you to be happy mother. My whole life, the only time I’ve ever seen you happy was the times you were raising my siblings and the time you’ve spent here….I want you to be able to keep that.” He said gently. “Come on….lets run a bit more before someone sends out a search party….” He said, turning and setting off again, silent this time. Sleepnir had seen Loki through many things. Loki had given birth to Sleepnir young, for an Asgardian at least. And Sleepnir was always aware that he'd been a mistake, and turned out as something Loki hadn't really expected. So as the eldest child he'd always been protective of his mother, trying to think of him and his needs.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki felt a bit guilty for snapping at his son when Sleepnir looked away stating that that wasn't what he wanted to do. He understood that his son wanted him to be happy and that he was protective of him. He wanted to be happy and keep things as they were as well even if he knew he couldn't. He nodded when Sleepnir suggested they run again. He set off with his son not speaking. There was so much to consider and yet he still was scared. He put it from his mind and merely ran pressing himself a bit.The slight burn of air in his lungs and his muscles working helped to calm him down. By the time they had finished the run he felt better if just a bit more guilty for snapping at his son who only wanted to see him happy. "I am sorry for earlier. It just seems that everyone that knows has an opinion on what I should do." he sighed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Sleepnir glanced away and shook his head. “you don’t have to apologize….I shouldn’t pester you about these things.” He said softly. Looking to his mother then, Sleepnir fidgeted. “But the people that know have opinions because they care about you mother….they wouldn’t care what you do if they didn’t care about you.” He added.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki shook his head not agreeing that he shouldnt apologize. He should have never snapped at his child. It was not sleepnir's fault he was in such a position. "I know they care, but I wish they would give me time to do some thinking. All I hear is their opinion and then someone elses. I need the time to think about it and go through everything in my head." Loki stated softly.