[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony looked over to Thor, blinking in confusion. Thor wouldn’t joke about something like this, and he certainly wouldn’t bring Frigga into a joke. “What?” he asked. “No….Loki wouldn’t…..Loki can’t get pregnant…..he said his magic stopped it from happening.” He said, shaking his head. “But Loki was without magic on Asgard….” Bruce interrupted before Tony could deny it any further. Tony went silent then, looking around at everyone, seeing the honesty in their eyes before he looked to Loki’s unconscious form. “He….but….that was three months ago. He….he’s known for three months?” Tony asked slowly. “And…And all of you knew?” he asked, turning to stare at the group around them. “You all knew and no one thought that it might be a good idea to tell me?” he asked, anger flaring up and mixing with nausea and dizziness. This couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t supposed to be a father. And if he was, he wasn’t supposed to be the last to find out about it.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor looked regretful when Tony made the realization that the secret had been kept from him for three months. "I must admit that I have only known these past two weeks when my mother told me on my last return to Asgard." Thor stated softly. He knew that didn't make up for him knowing before Tony did.

"I knew pretty soon after you came back, when Thor told us that Sif had escaped Asgard, I told Clint a couple weeks ago so he wouldn't accidentally blurt it out when he realized it. I saw Loki this morning however, and I told him that if he didn't tell you by the end of the day that I would." Natasha said trying to placate Tony. "He's been scared, he knows you do not wish to be a father and he doesn't want to put that on you." she continued.  

[MDaylus]

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Tony shook his head again, their words obviously not doing anything to calm him. “So? I’m never supposed to find out I have children? What was the grand plan?” he asked. “I….what did he think would happen? Does he trust me so little?” he continued softly, looking at Loki. “I thought we were good. I’ve been better….I haven’t been getting drunk all the time, I haven’t been doing anything too stupid, I’m more reliable now. I-“ he stopped himself, panting for breath. He was feeling trapped, betrayed, confused. “I-I have to go. I need air….’ He said, quickly standing and leaving. This made so much make sense, but it also meant Loki had been lying to him on almost a daily basis, not just hiding things, but lying. So had his ‘friends’. All of the trust he’d put in these people, and they were all content to lie to his face about something so important.

Bruce got out of Tony’s way as soon as he stood from his seat. Looking down, he fidgeted a moment. “I…I need to check on the baby….make sure it’s alright.” He said after tony left the room. Slowly he started to move, Betty at his side in an instant to help steady him, comforting him and promising that Tony wouldn’t stay angry at him.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"We wanted Loki to tell you." Natasha stated when Tony asked if he was never supposed to find out about his child and what the grand plan was. She couldn't argue that Loki had not put his trust in Tony because the god hadnt. Loki had assumed the worst without much of a thought to the better. "He was scared..." she tried before Tony cut himself off and then proclaimed that he needed air. She watched him leave and motioned for Clint to follow at a distance. She didn't want to make Tony angry but she didn't want him running off for when Loki woke. The two would need to talk. She sighed after Tony had left running a hand through her red hair. This was not how things were supposed to go but there was little they could do now to fix it. Looking back to bruce when the man said he needed to check on the baby she nodded moving to gather the things he needed while Betty helped him cope.

"He will come back? My brother and the child need him." Thor stated looking to where Tony had disappeared. "He should know it was not our place to tell him." he continued.  

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“It wasn’t our place to keep it from him either.” Steve pointed out. “Tony’s lived most of his life without family. HE has more trust issues than just about anyone I’ve met. And it takes a long time for him to let his guard down, just like his father. He let his guard down with all of us….this….this hurt him. He has a right to be angry, at all of us.” He said softly. “But he’ll come back. As angry as he is at Loki…as uncomfortable as he’ll be for a few weeks, he won’t abandon them. But…..I don’t know if he’ll ever fully forgive us.” He added.

Bruce managed to pull it together, sitting beside the bed and pulling Loki’s shirt up to reveal his stomach. “I suppose we can put an order in for that ultrasound now….” He said softly, Pausing to take a blood sample, he handed it off to Betty for her to put in for tests before he carefully began to inspect Loki, hands gentle and precise. He’d been studying on how to help Loki as best as he could. This wasn’t his field, but he’d try for Loki and for Tony.

Tony ended up outside. Walking down the driveway a bit he finally stopped, rubbing a hand over his face. Pacing, he tried to get himself to calm down, tried to sort everything out in his head. He could feel someone watching him, but he didn’t care. Not right now. He didn’t understand how he could be trusted so little. He had been trying so hard, had been so much better than before, yet he was still treated like a bad guy, like he couldn’t be trusted with anything.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"You are suggesting that we betrayed my brothers trust instead? There is no way to win this situation then if one or the other will no longer trust us." Thor grumbled when Steve said it wasn't their place to keep it from tony. "You think my brother does not have his own set of trust issues when you have seen his concerns. Only one of his children's fathers have stuck around for the children. I understand that Tony is not one of them but loki and I have lived longer we have seen much more and have more to go off of." Thor continued looking displeased.

"There is no win to this situation Thor. If Tony had been told near the beginning then maybe but it's too late in this game now. I don't think loki was going to tell him, I think he was going to hide it until he couldn't anymore. Then if it didn't go the way he wanted he was going to run." Natasha sighed shaking her head. She watched Bruce move to inspect loki, the god merely squirmed slightly in his unconscious when Bruce moved around his stomach.

"Hey man, mind if I come down and chat?" Clint asked from his perch. "Nothing serious just chatting, you can even yell at me if you want but I merely got told to keep my mouth shut." Clint continued. He had always tried to be Tony's friend and be straight with the man when he could. He had felt guilty keeping the secret about Loki from the man but he also did not want to face Natasha's wrath.  

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Steve looked at Thor, frowning at him. “Please Thor…..don’t pull that whole ‘older than you’ thing. Even with all of that experience. You can still be wrong. Both of you have been.” He replied. “And I spoke to Loki early on….I pressured him to tell Tony. I know Bruce did as well. He has had plenty of opportunity and now we’re all going to have to deal with the fallout….besides…if you were in Tony’s position, you’d be angry too.” He said, leaning against one of the walls, arms crossed.

Bruce continued his checkup in silence, ending up with holding a stetescope to the god’s stomach, checking for a heartbeat. It was still early for it to be strong, but Bruce was confident he’d be able to hear it now. After a moment, he located the baby’s heartbeat, but after listening a moment, he frowned. “Everything seems to be alright…..but there’s…I don’t know. Something seems a little off. I can’t tell for certain without an ultrasound though. But for right now, I honestly think he simply fainted. Too much stress combined with lack of sleep and nutrition…I’m almost surprised it hasn’t happened until now.” He said slowly, pulling Loki’s shirt back down and covering him up.

Tony looked over his shoulder as Clint spoke up. “Why ask? Apparently my input is completely unnecessary around here.” He shot back. Shaking his head, he crouched down and hid his face in his hands. “Oh I’m gonna be sick.” He muttered. “I don’t understand any of this….”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor frowned at Steve when the man told him not to pull the 'older than you' thing. He and Loki were older than all of them and had much more to go off of when making decisions. It was true they could still be wrong but there had been many times they had been right. He had not known however that everyone had been pressuring Loki to tell Tony about this. He could not deny that if he had been in Tony's position that he would be upset but he understood Loki's fears. Thor did not have the same views as Tony on being a father however, he would be proud and happy to have a child.

Natasha continued to watch Bruce intently to see what he found. She was concerned for the child and was relieved to hear that everything seemed to be alright but there was something else. "What is going on?" Natasha questioned moving closer. She didn't know if it was too soon for an ultrasound or not but she figured she could trust Bruce on this. She agreed about the stress of everything. "Hopefully Tony knowing now will take alot of that away." she suggested hopefully.

"Cause if you don't want me here i'll go, i'm your friend Tony." Clint stated with a shrug as he climbed down. He moved closer when Tony said that he was going to be sick. "Yeah, I get that. It makes no sense to me why he would hide it for so long, but i'm not him." Clint shrugged.  

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Bruce looked up at Natasha when she questioned him. Shaking his head, he gave a shrug. “Something sounded off with the heartbeat….but I can’t tell you what it was exactly. This isn’t my field. I don’t know if it’s just early still so it would sound different or if the baby is….different….I can’t honestly tell you what right now.” Turning to Betty when she brought him back the bloodwork, Bruce checked it over, nodding slightly. Everything was as it should be. Or close enough.

Steve listened to Bruce. “Well as long as you think everything is good for now, that’s what is important.” He said comfortingly. They really were asking a lot of Bruce to be their doctor. He had such a range of things to handle. “And as much as I hope that the stress will be over….we won’t know until they’re both awake and talking.” He said slowly.

Tony slid his fingers through his hair, tugging slightly, not moving from his crouched position. “I-I thought he saw me differently. I thought I was doing good. I thought I was being a good guy…..it was supposed to be enough.” He muttered. He’d done everything he could think of to distance himself from the man he had been, to distance himself from his father’s legacy. He was a hero now, he’d been improving on so many of his faults….yet his own lover still thought he was bad enough that telling him the truth had to be avoided at all costs. And apparently his friends were content to let that notion continue. How must they see him?
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha frowned when Bruce commented that something seemed off with the heartbeat but that he couldn't say what. If there was something wrong with the babies heartbeat then that could cause lots of complications down the line, even going so far as to cause Loki to lose the child if the complication was bad enough. "We'll have to make sure its nothing too bad." she proclaimed.

"I think there is a lot in his past, more than what we know that causes him to be doubtful. That doesn't mean his actions are excusable. You are a good guy though Tony, one of the best." Clint sighed softly. He didn't want those doubts to plague his friend. It made him irritated at Loki that he had caused such a thing in his friend. "I think you and Loki need to talk this out and figure out what you two are going to do about this child." Clint advised.  

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Bruce nodded slightly at Natasha’s words. “I will check him again, make sure everything is alright when the machine comes in. I couldn’t order it until Tony knew. But I honestly don’t think there is anything to be worried about aside from the fact that Loki isn’t getting proper nutrition and rest right now. He’s had three successful pregnancies before with healthy children, and two sets of multiples.” Bruce said slowly. “This isn’t my field, and even if it was, there are a lot of unknowns with Loki’s physiology. Me being pretty sure is about as good as it will get.” He continued. He was stressed and upset. He was lashing out at the others slightly and he knew it. Shaking his head, he looked away. “Sorry.” He apologized softly.

Tony shook his head slightly. “If I was so good, he wouldn’t have been so scared to tell me…..” Tony replied. Staring off into the trees, Tony let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t think he’ll talk to me about it. He doesn’t want me to be involved…..I told him I wouldn’t be a good father….he obviously figured that out.” He muttered
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha nodded when bruce said he would check again when the machine arrived now that Tony knew he could order more. She agreed that they needed to worry about loki getting the proper nutrition and rest. The god had had successful pregnancies before but he had been on Asgard and with those like his own species. No one really knew what would happen with Loki and Tony's DNA mixed. "We'll get it all figured out bruce, with tony knowing now he can hire doctors who know how to handle all of this. Not that you haven't been doing well." Natasha smiled gently.

"I don't think that's it tony." Clint argued when Tony said that if he was so good then Loki wouldn't have been afraid to tell him. "I think he does want you involved, but I also think he took you at your word. He wants to believe you tony but I think he also wants to believe that you would be a great father after seeing you with fenrir." Clint continued moving to sit next to tony. "Don't do what he did tony, talk to hI'm work this s**t out. Be mad at him for not telling you but don't do what he did." Clint suggested.  

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Bruce grimaced slightly. “Not sure if even Tony’s money can find a doctor that knows how to handle this. The only thing I could think of that might help is bringing in someone from Asgard that may have worked with Loki before, but other than Frigga I doubt anyone would jump at that chance.” He replied, arms crossed as he thought. “Well we know a few doctors that specialize in experimental medicine that may be able to help. They might adjust better.” Betty pointed out, resting her hands on Bruce’s shoulders and massaging them gently to try and get him to relax a little. “Perhaps…” Bruce said softly. Looking over everyone in the room, he bit his lip. ”Should we be here when Loki wakes up? Or should we leave Tony alone with him? If he comes back that is.”

“Fenrir? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with him. Every time he’s in the room I’m just praying that I don’t do anything too stupid.” Tony replied, glancing at Clint when he sat down next to him. Listening to Clint as he said Tony needed to talk with Loki, the genius gave a heavy sigh. “I don’t even know how to do that. How am I supposed to talk to him after this? He wanted to keep this from me so badly that he literally made himself pass out. He’s been lying to me for months, keeping secrets, and I have kept nothing from him. He’s been in every corner of my mind, seen every secret….I want to yell….Hell I want to punch him…..”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha shrugged when bruce said that he wasn't sure that even Tony's money could find a doctor that knew how to handle such a thing. "Maybe he could bring someone down from Asgard. Loki talks to his mother every week maybe she would know someone she trusts to handle it. At the very least though he could find someone who specializes in pregnancy and can help Loki with that respect." Natasha countered. She agreed with Betty about the doctors that did experimental medicine handling it better but she worried about them wanting to experiment on Loki because of how strange he was to them. "I don't know it depends on how Tony wants to handle it, but it might be wise to clear out for now and give Loki some room to rest." Natasha suggested.

"Whatever you are doing Tony it looks like your being his dad. You play with and pay attention to him, you see to his needs. I know you don't think you'd be a good dad because of Howard but if you could step back and look at what you do. Hell have JARVIS show you, you would see that you give him what he needs." Clint insisted. Watching Tony as the man thought about his words he shook his head. "I don't think it was him keeping it from you that caused him to pass out. I think it was Natasha's threat, he knew if anyone but him told you you would be upset. But as for talking to him about this, how did you talk to him when he nearly killed himself or did sort of. Can this really be any worse, he has trust issues Tony, you know this. And had he really seen everything, even when you were in the cave? When you got the reactor?" Clint questioned. He wasn't going to tell Tony not to yell or even not to punch Loki. Hell the god deserved it after what he was putting Tony through. "Just avoid the stomach if you're going to punch him." Clint suggested helpfully.  

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Bruce gave a small nod and stood from his seat. Wrapping an arm around Betty, he slowly headed out of the infirmary, head already bowed in a whispered conversation with her. Steve trailed behind, sending one last glance over his shoulder at the sleeping Loki. He was being surprisingly silent on the whole issue. Of course his whole demeanor had changed a bit since he found out about Bucky, but he was clearly trying to keep his nose out of this situation.

Tony bit his lip as Clint told him that he seemed like a father to Fenrir. He had no idea what to say to that. He was just trying to keep Fenrir and Loki happy. He hadn’t known Fenrir long and hadn’t been in his life that long. Was he really doing that well? And even then, was he overstepping his boundaries? “I didn’t want to talk to him then either Clint. I wouldn’t have if Frigga and Hel hadn’t been there.” Tony replied to Clint’s question. “Not to mention I was kind of trapped because my hands and arms were completely frostbitten.” When he looked over to the archer again, he frowned. “Yes Clint….he knows everything. He has seen all of my memories. He has seen Afghanistan, he has seen what I remember of being injured and making the reactor, he has seen all of my failures, and he even knows about people and things in my past that even SHIELD doesn’t know about. The only person that could possibly know more about me on this planet is Rhodey.” He replied icily. Loki was supposed to be the one. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with the god, and possibly the next several centuries. He hadn’t held anything back from Loki. Sure there might be a few things Loki didn’t know, but it was simply because they hadn’t talked about them yet. The only secrets he’d kept from Loki were surprises for the god.