[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha began to follow Bruce and Steve from the infirmary but stopped when she noticed that Thor was not following. Turning back she tipped her head in question to him. "I wish to remain with my brother until he awakes or until Tony returns. I will remain silent but I wish to sit with him and protect him, even if from the terrors of his sleep." Thor said to her. Natasha gave a slight smile and a nod before leaving. Thor took a chair and placed it close to Loki's bed before sitting in it.

Clint frowned when Tony admitted that he hadn't wanted to speak with Loki after the man had nearly killed himself. And that he wouldn't have if Loki's mother and daughter hadn't been there. That worried the archer, if neither of the two men were going to begin the topic about the child they had created together then the child would not have a good life, not if its parents were living together but not talking. When Tony continued to say that Loki did know everything the archer gave a low whistle. The situation before them was more dire than he thought. If Tony hadn't revealed everything then he could have argued that they both kept secrets but Tony had revealed everything which meant only Loki was keeping things close to his chest. "I don't know what to tell you Tony. Loki was an idiot for keeping this from you and you have every right to be mad at him. At us even, though it was not our place to tell you. But you gotta ask yourself what your gonna do and what this means for the child's future. Do you want it or not? And then what are you gonna do about Loki? Do you forgive him or is this unforgivable and he has to go?" Clint asked the man.  

[MDaylus]

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Tony groaned as Clint spoke, hiding his face in his hands again. “Thank you for restating the obvious.” He said. He knew that there wasn’t anything that would change about the kid. He didn’t want Loki to get rid of it, and even if he didn’t want to raise it, it was still his so Tony wanted it somewhere that he could protect it and provide of it and Loki. It was the very least he could do, a responsibility he couldn’t throw away. But he couldn’t even begin to figure out how to handle Loki. The god may not have done anything….but it felt like he’d betrayed Tony. Betrayed him worse than anyone else ever had. “Can you go now? I need to think.” He said quietly, wrapping his arms around himself and looking out over the grounds, trying to piece together how to even begin handling this. It was a long time before he finally moved again, heading inside and straight to the infirmary.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint gave an annoyed look when Tony thanked him for stating the obvious. He just wanted to make sure the man knew what was at stake. Looking up when the genius asked him to go he nodded. "Text if you need me or want to talk." Clint stated before standing and leaving as requested.

Thor sat with Loki the whole time until Tony returned. The younger god had once he had come out of unconscious to sleep has slept fitfully. Thor had placed a hand over his brother's in a comforting way. It hadn't seemed to help but it made the blond feel better. Loki seemed to calm however when Tony returned. "Welcome back my friend I was getting worried." Thor greeted standing. "Have you returned to speak with my brother about the child. I think you can wake him now, he has been quite fitful in his sleep." Thor continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony was a little surprised to find Thor in the room with Loki, but slowly gave a small nod. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood to deal with the blond. And he wasn’t sure which version of Thor he could be dealing with, the happy puppy of a man, or the wrathful god. “We’ll see….” Tony said in response to Thor’s question. He was done with letting anyone else in on what he thought or was planning at the moment. He wasn’t completely sure himself. And as far as he was concerned, he had other issues to work out with Loki way before he was ready to talk about the baby. Coming over to Loki’s bedside, Tony looked his lover over. The god was clearly as unsettled as he had been in his sleep for weeks, but a part of Tony wondered if it really all was Thanos’ fault now. He took the moment to lay a careful hand over Loki’s stomach. He’d noticed a slight weight gain around his midriff, but Tony had thought it was Loki finally getting fed properly and not having to burn off all the calories with training. Now he knew it was a child….his child. Shaking his head, he pulled away and grabbed a chair, sitting and just watching Loki a moment, trying to figure out how to even begin talking to him. Figuring he really couldn’t plan this, he finally reached out and shook Loki’s shoulder. “Loki….wake up.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor looked confused when Tony said that they would see when the god asked if Tony had come to speak with Loki about the child. He watched his friend move to sit next to Loki in a chair and watch Loki sleep. When the man lay a hand over Loki's stomach the young god gave a soft sigh and relaxed some more. It seemed like the touch of Tony's hand and magic on his stomach soothed whatever was plaguing him. The fitfully essential returned when Tony drew away and removed hips hand. When the man shook the god's should demanding him to wake up the god gave a soft whimper but slowly green eyes opened. When they focused confusion shown in them. He didn't know why he was in the infirmary but he knew his head hurt some.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony let Loki wake up at his own pace, arms crossed, and silent. When Loki finally focused on him, Tony sighed heavily. “You passed out earlier.” He said slowly. “You hit your head when you fell. That’s what the pain and bandages are.” Waiting for Loki to adjust to that, he tilted his head, eyes not leaving Loki for a second. “And the baby is fine as well.” He added.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up to Tony when the man spoke explaining that he had passed out earlier. That he had hit his head and that was where the pain and bandages came from. Reaching a hand up he gingerly touch his head where it hurt finding the bandages Tony spoke of. He did a quick check over the rest of his body to see if anything else hurt he was not prepared for Tony's next words. Green eyes shot up locking with brown, for a moment Loki tried to remember if he had gotten as far as telling Tony. "The books?" he questioned his mind a bit fuzzy from the injury. He remembered getting books from his mother's library, had even found something that would help him explain the pregnancy to Tony. He remembered going down to the lab with books in hand, green eyes widened as he remembered coming upon Tony and Natasha. "Natasha...." Loki stated softly then looking down as he moved to sit up. She had threatened to tell Tony if Loki hadn't by the end of the day. He had been going to tell the man when Loki had seen them together and assumed that she was telling Tony. It appeared that he was right. "I'm sorry I was going to tell you, I was..." he murmured softly.  

[MDaylus]

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Tony didn’t move as Loki reacted, just watching him. When he said Natasha’s name, Tony shook his head. “No. Not Natasha. What you saw when you came down was Natasha asking for a new set of knives. I found out when I carried you in here and every single person in this mansion revealed that they knew about this. Every single person but me Loki.” he said slowly, anger rising in his voice, but he clenched his jaw and looked away, taking a few deep breaths he tried to reign his anger back in. “Three months Loki….You had three months to tell me. Instead I have to find out because you are so determined to keep this secret from me that you pass out when you think I know. Sorry if that doesn’t inspire much confidence.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked surprised to hear that it had not been Natasha who had revealed his condition. Hearing that everyone in the mansion know besides Tony surprised Loki more and it showed on his face. "I knew Bruce and Steve knew, Natasha I found out about this morning. I didn't know anyone else knew." Loki admitted. He didn't deny that it had taken three months for him to tell Tony and might have taken longer had Natasha not threatened him that morning. "I panicked, I knew I should be the one to tell you. I knew you would be angry if anyone but me told you. I... I am sorry it took me so long..." he apologized tears coming to his eyes with the anger Tony expressed. He had disappointed and angered his mate, and what was worse is he did not yet know what that would bring for both him and his child.  

[MDaylus]

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Tony noted the surprise from Loki, but it did little to quell his anger. Even him trying to tell him that he’d only thought Steve and Bruce knew did little to help. He’d been content to let them know and to leave Tony in the dark for so long. “You know if it was just you not telling me, I might be a little more understanding, but you have lied to me Loki. How much of the stuff that’s been going on with you recently is because you were pregnant and not the s**t that you’ve been telling me? I trusted you to be honest with me. I told you everything, I have been completely open with you, and I thought you would do the same. You manipulated that trust, made me look like a fool.” He shot back. “Do you even know how hard it is for me to trust someone like that? Every single time I even begin to let someone in, s**t like this happens. You were supposed to be different Loki. I know you know what it feels like to be taken advantage of by others. I didn’t think you’d be capable of doing that to me.”  

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MDaylus

Loki didn't say anything when Tony said that if he had merely told him he might have been a little more understanding, but the fact that he had lied made everything so much worse. Loki wanted to argue that he hadn't lied but that he merely hadn't given the whole truth. He didn't think that would go over well however and he did not wish to make the situation worse than it was. When Tony asked how much of what had been going on with him was because of the pregnancy and not because of Thanos Loki hung his head. "The not being able to sleep was mostly Thanos but only a bit of the sickness." Loki admitted. Some of the sleeplessness was because he had woken by the need to remove the contents from his stomach.

Tony's accusations that he had trusted him to be honest and that the man had been honest with him in all respects had made him a fool caused the tears that had been building to leak from Loki's eyes. This was worse than he had considered. However Tony's continued speech felt like a solid blow to Loki. He was supposed to be different... he was supposed to be the one that Tony could trust. Yet he had gone and done what others had to his mate, that made him no better than anyone else. Tony was right he had taken advantage and Tony didn't deserve that. He was no better than Stane now, Loki knew that and he couldn't bear to look up and face what he had done. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it after a moment, what was there to say. He could not take back what he had done, everyone had warned him. Told him that he needed to tell Tony but he had not listened. Now he had broken everything he had made here on Midgard. Broken it like he had everything else in his past. "what is going to happen now?" Loki whispered.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony watched Loki in silence, part of him wishing Loki would contradict him, do something that would allow Tony to yell and scream like he so desperately wanted to. But the god didn’t, shouldering it all in silence. He didn’t know if that made him feel bad for Loki or only made him angrier. When the god finally questioned him, Tony shook his head, leaning back in his seat and running a hand over his face. Sinking down in his seat, he looked up to the ceiling. “I don’t know Loki…..” he said slowly. “I’m not going to hurt you or it, I hope you know that……but I don’t know if you want me to be making any decisions right now. I’ll protect you and the baby. But we have to figure out us before we can figure anything else out. Right now, we aren’t anything like we were when we woke up this morning. And I’m not sure we will be for a while.” He continued.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki barely glanced up when Tony sat back in his chair. He didn't do more than see where Tony had placed himself. The god nodded when Tony said he didn't know what was going to happen now. He gave another soft nod when Tony assured him that he wasn't going to hurt him or the child. Fingers clenched in the blanket when Tony said that they weren't anything like what they had been this morning and that they wouldn't be for awhile. Loki's mind wanted to read more into it, like that they might never return to what they were. "I understand..." he muttered. His throat felt closed with the need and want to cry but he held it back. Wiping away what tears he had shed. He wanted to ask if he should open the bond back up now but that almost seemed like another admission to his guilt and something to cause Tony more ire. He let it be and merely sat in silence waiting for whatever would come next.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Sitting in silence for a moment, Tony desperately ran through his mind, trying to figure out what to say now. A part of him had expected to be yelling and arguing for a long time, yet this had gone rather quick. “Loki….look at me.” He finally said, voice quieter than it had been. Waiting for the god to meet his eyes, Tony searched his face a moment. “I still love you Loki….I’m not sure anything would ever make me not love you. I just don’t trust you right now.” He said slowly. Loki was acting like the world had ended, but if they worked together there was a chance to salvage their relationship. It would be slow going and hard, Tony wouldn’t let things move as quickly as they had before, but there was a chance. “Now…I think you probably need to talk to Bruce and Betty so they can check in on you and the baby….he’ll probably want to keep you here so he can pump you full of nutrients and such.” He said, motioning toward the IV. “Then we need to tell Fenrir properly. He’ll be excited not to be the youngest.” Tony continued, smiling slightly as he thought of Fenrir’s reaction. “And we can talk more about the baby and moving forward tomorrow after I’ve had more time to think it over and you aren't fresh out of being unconscious.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki hesitated in looking up to tony when the man called for it. He didn't want to see the disappointment, the mistrust or anything else that might be there. He did finally look up and meet Tony's eyes his hands clenched in his lap expecting something bad. He was surprised when tony proclaimed that he still loved him and that he wasn't sure that anything would make him stop loving loki. Her nodded when the man continued to say that he merely did not trust him now. "Fenrir knows..." Loki admitted. "All my children do..." he continued. He wanted to ask Tony to stay with him after the man said that he probably wanted Bruce and Betty to check him and the baby over but didn't know if Tony would. The man was still upset and loki could see it. When Tony continued to say that they would talk about this more tomorrow Loki nodded. He wanted to ask if they would continue sharing a bed or if he should move to the study but again kept silent.