[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint growled as Tony did. "last I checked Heimdall doesn't have the bond you have with loki. And you haven't even tried to find him. And now your saying he's not worth finding. Great thing to tell his child, I'm sorry your mom left but I'm too much of an a** hat to try and find him cause I did something wrong. Never mind the child he's carrying I guess you'll never get to see your sibling either." Clint growled.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony’s jaw tightened as Clint argued with him again. Without any warning, he lashed out, punching Clint straight in the jaw. Aside from an ill-advised attack on Steve once, Tony had never lashed out at any of the Avengers, knowing his capabilities and theirs, but Clint was pushing the wrong buttons at the wrong time. “You know nothing! You don’t understand my bond in the slightest, you underestimate Loki’s magic and determination, and you have no idea how this affects me or Fenrir! Loki left because I tried to step up with Fenrir and Loki didn’t like that. And don’t you dare bring up my kid. That was my child, you have no idea what that’s like. In less than a day I find out I’m going to be a father and then that option is taken away from me because apparently I’m the s**t father I already knew I’d be.” He yelled. Panting as his rage ebbed slightly and he felt something akin to a panic attack, he just slid to his knew on the floor, not trusting himself on the stool. “I can’t…..Loki’s blocked me out…..and he’s too far for me to know anything but that he’s far away…….hell, he may not even be on this planet anymore.’  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint was prepared for the blow and took it with as much grace as he could. He had wanted to incite the anger in the man to get him worked up and thinking. "You’re right I don't but you do so figure it out. You’re underestimating yourself, how much resources do you have. You can make sure whether or not he's still on this planet. You have satellites and so many contact. Hell even the media has seen him, you can put out a picture and get the world looking for him. But your not even trying! You don't know why he left you just know he did. You think he's gonna leave Fenrir for good? Set something up don't sit around here like an idiot." Clint continued. He wasn't going to let up.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony continued to try and catch his breath, reaching out and letting his hand find Pepper’s ankle. The woman slowly shifted closer, fingers careful combing through Tony’s hair, wary of him pulling away again. After a few moments Tony seemed to not be in danger of having a full blown panic attack, and it was only then that he spoke again. “An international manhunt is the surest way to make sure Loki leaves Earth. At least if he’s still on the planet he know some people he can go to if he faces any real problems.” Tony replied slowly. Tony had been sure to keep connections between Loki and some of the heroes he met at Halloween open. But despite all of that, Clint was right in the fact that Loki would likely come back for Fenrir. Loki wouldn’t willingly abandon Fenrir, ever. But what was he supposed to do? Ambush the god if he came for the pup, give him a choice between staying or losing Fenrir. Tony couldn’t do that. “Do you think Fenrir could ever forgive me?” he asked slowly.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint almost felt bad when Tony seemed to be going through a panic attack. But this need to be told to him and Tony's friend he would do so no matter what. No one had ever died from a panic attack. "So don't do a manhunt just search for him. Send out some letters to your contacts to keep an eye out for him. You think he will go to Charles or the four?" Clint asked. When Tony asked if he thought Fenrir would forgive him he shrugged. "He's a child, I think he'll forgive you maybe not by the end of the day unless you talk with him but he'll forgive you." Clint assured. He sat down tenderly touching his chin. "What did you and loki fight about, what was said before he left. If you don't tell me I'll ask JARVIS and have him show me the recirding." Clint continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“Only if he feels he is in danger…..but he knows they’ll protect him if runs up against something.” Tony replied slowly. Loki liked Charles well enough, and though Loki wasn’t necessarily friends with Richards or his team, he trusted them as good people. Tony gave a little shudder when Clint said that Fenrir would forgive him. There was relief with that notion, but shame too. He wasn’t entirely sure he deserved forgiveness. Depriving Fenrir, who’d suffered so much even if he didn’t remember, of his mother for even a day felt like a crime Tony could never make up for. Yet another to add to the pile of deeds he had to pay for, another example of his failures. Eyes flicking to Clint at the touch, Tony turned his face away, not wanting to talk about the argument, but he knew Clint’s threat was real. “We were arguing about if Fenrir should be pushed toward looking human….then Loki did the whole thing of trying to make like his ‘experience’ automatically made him right. And hate when they do that….” Tony said slowly. Nothing made him jump to an argument faster with Loki or Thor or any other Asgardian than to expect their history to be taken as law. Tony wasn’t the only one. Things like that had rubbed even Captain Peacemaker wrong. “I was angry, and annoyed, and I wanted a fight. It was more than he’d talked to me all day, more ‘Loki’ than I’d seen, so I called him on his illusions.” He continued with a shake of his head. It really was a bad move on his part, but it was the one that had his name all over it, even if he’d been in a better mood. “He said he’d go get shot like that and left. I just wanted a drink and I knew there was nothing that would make things better then.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint nodded when Tony said that he felt like Loki would only go to Charles or the four if he felt like he was in danger. He considered what Loki would consider trouble enough to run to someone that might lead Tony to him. It would have to be the equivalent of Thanos the archer guessed and even then Clint wasn't sure. Turning his mind back to Tony as the man began to explain what happened during their fight. He didn't understand why Loki had run off until the last part. Tony was right about the 'experience' being law thing rubbing them the wrong way but that had generally been worked out by showing the two gods something that contradicted their experience. It was Tony calling Loki on his illusion and then using that illusion against him that had drawn out the reason Loki had left. "Wait a minute. He said he would go get himself shot while in Jotun form and you just let him leave? You didn't even pretend to try and stop him. You are an idiot, how did you manage to keep him this long. If I had pulled a stunt like that with Natasha she would have left me too. He was testing you Tony, he was trying to see if you still wanted him after everything even just a bit. You failed that test by just letting him walk away without a word and then going to get a drink. I told you to talk to him, he didn't know where he stood after the blow up yesterday. You wouldn't give him an answer on the kid or about him really other than the fact that you would protect them. That doesn't mean you want him around and thats what he took away from you not stopping him." Clint gaped. He couldn't believe that Tony had done nothing to stop Loki no matter if the genius believed the god wouldn't do such a thing.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony shook his head as Clint spoke. “I don’t need you to remind me that I’m a piece of s**t.” He said slowly. “I’ve already figured that out.” Tony said quietly. Then he began laughing, softly at first, then a little louder, the edge of hysteria clear in the sound. “You don’t think I’ve tried to figure out how he ever even ended up with, let alone chose to stay as long as he did?” he asked, the tone never leaving him, anxious energy filling him, causing the genius to stand and begin pacing. “Every single second of every single day since we got together I’ve tried to figure that out. I have more blood and sins and mistakes on my hands than any of you could ever imagine. I’m a selfish, alcoholic, a*****e who has never figured out how to do anything without hurting someone else.” He continued. “I ******** up again. Big surprise. I ******** up because that’s what I do. That’s my whole life.” Turning on Clint then, he shook a finger at him, clearly starting to lose his grip again. “I don’t need you reminding me of all that. I don’t need your lectures. I know and I’m the one who has to live with myself every day knowing that.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint frowned deeply when Tony told him that he had already figured out why Loki had left and he didn't need to be reminded what a piece of s**t he was. The frown faded when Tony started laughing then proclaimed that he didn't know how Loki had ended up with him or why he had stayed. Clint suddenly felt terrible for all the doubts that had been placed in Tony's head about his mate. He wanted to argue that he wasn't the only one that had blood on his hands that they knew both Loki and Thor had blood on their hands, Loki had tried to destroy his own people. He knew Tony wouldn't accept those words now however. "I'm not trying to remind you of that Tony. I am trying to make you see what you need to do. You can't make him right Tony, by not even trying you make him right. Your always the one that proves everyone wrong, why stop that now?" Clint questioned gently. He knew he needed to get this going now or there would be more trouble. "You have to look for him Tony, because if you don't then SHIELD will and no one knows that Loki's carrying. They could hurt him Tony and your child." Clint revealed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony started pacing again. Why stop? Because he was tired. He was so tired, and it was all worse without Loki. And because he wasn’t sure he should try to get Loki back. The god may very well be better off without him. They all could. Tony’s only superpower was his money and he could just give that to them. He didn’t need to be the one spending it. Clint’s mention of SHIELD hunting Loki made Tony pause though. Loki didn’t deserve that. And SHIELD agents weren’t exactly known for their careful manner when dealing with ‘dangerous’ aliens. Crossing his arms, Tony worried his lip as he thought, not looking at anyone else in the room. “He won’t go anywhere warm…..that restricts it to Northern United States, Canada and Europe for the most part……” he said slowly. “And I doubt he’d try to tackle any cities on his own, so small towns and rural areas…..but that’s still a massive area…..” he mumbled, shaking his head. There were ways he could start combing through areas that matched that description, but it would take a long time, even with his resources. Even then it would take a lot of luck. “Who’s with Fenrir?” he asked suddenly.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint watched Tony hopeful as the man started pacing again. He knew the genius was thinking running what he had told him through his head. When Tony proclaimed that Loki wouldn't go anywhere warm Clint could have cried out in relief. "What do you want us to do, Natasha and I have some contacts we can send out just give us something to go off of." Clint stated ready to help however he could. The sooner they could find loki the sooner they could fix this. "Thor and Jane are with him right now.” he answered.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony looked Clint over carefully, remaining silent for a moment. “Most likely places would be Nordic countries, Canada, and Alaska. They’re the coldest, and one he’s really looked at that I know of.” Tony said slowly. “He’d find somewhere that he’d still be a little connected to the world though. Tv, Internet, phones….he’d want to keep an eye on things. Beyond that…..I have no idea.” The genius sighed. It had been so long since he’d been in Loki’s mind, he had no idea of places he might have researched recently or thought about. Shaking his head, he moved toward the door. “I need to talk to Fenrir.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint nodded when Tony said Loki would most likely be in Nordic countries, Canada or Alaska. "Where do you have contacts? Natasha and I can send ours to wherever else you dont." Clint stated. He was unsure if Loki would still be connected to the main would unless he didn't know Jarvis could find him that way. "I think he's in his bedroom." Clint replied when Tony said he needed to talk to Fenrir.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“Canada. I have one or two in Canada.” Tony replied as he moved passed Clint. “Maybe Sweden.” He didn’t say anything else as he left, intent on talking to Fenrir. He made straight for the boy’s room. Knocking first, he slowly came in. “I need to talk to Fen….alone.” he said when he saw Thor and Jane. Waiting for them to leave, he closed the door and slowly came to sit on the bed with Fenrir, settling in for a long, possibly painful conversation, but they had to do it.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

(Let me know when you want to time skip)

"Alright I will get Nat and my contacts moving, we'll send some out to Canada and Sweden." Clint assured the man as Tony left. Thor and Jane looked up when Tony knocked on the door. When Tony stated that he needed to talk to Fenrir alone Thor nodded and helped his love to her feet. "We shall be in the living room when you are done. Perhaps we shall make something for lunch." Thor suggested.